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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27010960">Harbor</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caramelquokka0325/pseuds/Caramelquokka0325'>Caramelquokka0325</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Home [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Boyz (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Adoption, Alternate Universe - Foster Family, Autism, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Dynamics, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Foster Care, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, More characters added over time, Multi, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Q goes by Kyu, Separation Anxiety, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Therapy, adoption process, selective mutism, single parent, sunwoo is baby</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 01:55:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>51,033</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27010960</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caramelquokka0325/pseuds/Caramelquokka0325</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Being a single parent is hard. Taking care of two little boys is a big job. But it’s an experience Juyeon wouldn’t trade for the world. He loved his two boys more than anything in the world.<br/>Sunwoo was his fierce little warrior with a soft spot for his daddy and “his Kyu”. Kyu was Juyeon’s little one with large brown eyes and his elephant plushie always trailing along. It was so hard at times to mend bruised hearts but that was exactly what Juyeon was there for. Luckily Juyeon was ready to tackle anything thrown at him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Home [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1837153</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>153</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>211</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Juyeon</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi everyone! This is my first story revolving around The Boyz! I originally started a family series with Stray Kids but I thought it would be fun to also include The Boyz! They will get their own story for now and then come together! But for now I hope you enjoy this series!<br/>I do have a few things to address but I will put it at the end so the intro isn’t dauntingly long! Enjoy!</p><p>TW: Abuse (mentioned), Anxiety disorder, Separation anxiety, Vomiting (not graphic)</p><p>Hopefully I wrote all the characters well! I will work hard on the next chapters! I will post this every other day. If you have any questions at all, please ask! I am super friendly and love chatting! I didn’t want to write too much in the notes but I already did so oops! Just ask and I will answer!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The thing Juyeon was most proud of? Being a dad. Definitely being a dad. It had been his dream for almost as long as he could remember. Ever since he had begged his parents for a little brother or sister.</p><p>He had been told it was impossible. Surely impossible for a single dad. Juyeon proved that wrong. He had the heart. He had the commitment. And he had the soft, snuggly, puppy dog eyed little boy to prove it.</p><p>Since the day he had brought his little boy home, he had been fully focused on being a dad. He adored his son with all of his heart. Nothing could dim his love and commitment to him.</p><p>He had adopted Sunwoo only a year after starting the foster process. Juyeon was thrilled everything had worked out. He had known that Sunwoo’s case would most likely end in adoption and he readily stepped up to the task.</p><p>Sunwoo was five years old now. An energetic, vibrant child with enough energy to keep Juyeon occupied at all times. Especially before bed. It seemed the more tired he got, the more his energy wound up.</p><p>Juyeon tried to trap him by the couch but Sunwoo sneakily evaded him, squealing happily. It was a game they played every night. One that Juyeon definitely tried to avoid but it never seemed to work.</p><p>Juyeon employed his master weapon.</p><p>“I’m going to count to five.” he put his hands on his hips. “One…two…”</p><p>He saw it wasn’t going to work by the way Sunwoo’s eyes sparkled.</p><p>“Five.”</p><p>Nothing. Just Sunwoo peeking out from behind the arm of the couch and giggling at him.</p><p>Juyeon pretended to walk one way but quickly changed course and caught him as he ran around the back of the couch. He scooped him up into his arms and slung him over his shoulder. Sunwoo shrieked and pounded his small fists lightly on Juyeon’s back.</p><p>As if that wasn’t enough, the battle didn’t end there. Juyeon had to keep a firm grip on him at all times to wrestle his sleep shirt and pajama bottoms on.</p><p>Finally he was all ready for bed and had calmed down enough for Juyeon to go into the bathroom to get his toothbrush and toothpaste.</p><p>“Daddy?” Sunwoo followed him, hugging the side of the doorway while he waited for Juyeon to finish.</p><p>“What is it bud?” Juyeon asked, making sure to squeeze the right amount of toothpaste on his soft bristle kid toothbrush.</p><p>“When am I going to meet my new brother?” he asked.</p><p>“I don’t know.” Juyeon answered honestly. “We don’t know who he’s going to be yet.”</p><p>“He’s a surprise?” Sunwoo asked.</p><p>“Yep.” Juyeon tilted Sunwoo’s chin up so he could brush his teeth. Sunwoo was still learning so Juyeon did it himself every other night.</p><p>Juyeon had decided he was ready to take in another kid but he hadn’t gotten the placement yet.</p><p>Sunwoo climbed on his stool to spit out his toothpaste.</p><p>“Spicy!” he said dramatically about the mint toothpaste.</p><p>Juyeon chuckled and rumpled his hair.</p><p>He ran back into his bedroom and practically cannonballed onto the bed. His antics barely phased Juyeon anymore. He collected the Velcro shoes Sunwoo had thrown to opposite sides of the room and returned them to his closet.</p><p>Finally he flicked on the nightlight and lay in bed with Sunwoo.</p><p>“Book.” Sunwoo put one in his lap that he had already picked out. He then snuggled under the covers until he was completely buried.</p><p>Juyeon had tried to force him to look at the pictures for a while, but he had given up. He realized Sunwoo tracked with longer stories like chapter books even at his age, so he picked books with no pictures.</p><p>As he read, Sunwoo peeked his head out and reached up to hold Juyeon’s arm.</p><p>The hardest thing Juyeon had to adjust to with Sunwoo was bedtimes. They were one of the times Sunwoo was most fearful. He was afraid of Juyeon leaving him.</p><p>It took many sleepless night and tearful meltdowns before Juyeon realized what was the heart of the problem. Sunwoo had separation anxiety.</p><p>He didn’t want to be alone, especially at night, even with Juyeon just being in the other room. When Juyeon was fostering him it was hardest. Co-sleeping was not allowed so Juyeon had to sit in Sunwoo’s room sometimes, waiting for him to fall asleep.</p><p>Now he lay in Sunwoo’s bed until he fell asleep and then moved to his own room, but often he drifted off and slept the whole night through.</p><p>It was the next day when Juyeon got a placement call from a social worker.</p><p>“Um yeah, hold on one moment.” Juyeon untangled himself from Sunwoo on the couch so he could have some privacy.</p><p>He went to his room and closed the door.</p><p>“We have a little boy, who needs a place to stay, even if it’s just overnight.” the social worker told him. “It will be his second time in a home. We pulled him from the biological parents’ house early this morning.”</p><p>“Yeah, of course. He can stay as long as needed.” Juyeon agreed. “How old is he?”</p><p>“Three years old.”</p><p>Juyeon bit his lip. That was awfully young. He had envisioned fostering an older child.</p><p>“He has had some issues at his last home.” the social worker read from his file. “Mostly not connecting… and oddly enough, not speaking.”</p><p>“I see…” Juyeon paced his room, thinking furiously.</p><p>He had to think carefully. Should he take in the kid? He was so young and seemed to have struggles.</p><p>As soon as he thought that, he felt guilty. He always advocated for every child having a home. How could he even think of turning away the boy?</p><p>“Yeah, bring him over. I just had a home study so I’m cleared to take him.” Juyeon said.</p><p>“Awesome. We’ll drop him off before dinnertime.” The social worker confirmed.</p><p>Juyeon hung up the phone and took a deep breath. He was really doing this. He raced around the house making sure everything was ready. He had been prepared for another child since his last house study. There was an empty bed in Sunwoo’s room and he had basic toiletries and hygiene needs.</p><p>He explained what was happening to Sunwoo and he was ecstatic. Juyeon decided it would be best to not have Sunwoo there for the first hour or so of the little boy arriving. He called his friend to pick him up for a little bit.</p><p>“Thank you so much for taking him.” Juyeon thanked him when he arrived.</p><p>“No problem!” he smiled.</p><p>“Okay bud, you’re going to go with uncle Jacob for a little bit.” Juyeon helped Sunwoo slip on his shoes.</p><p>“When I get back will there be a new little brother?” Sunwoo asked again.</p><p>“Yep.” Juyeon smiled and kissed his head.</p><p>“Wishing you the best.” Jacob squeezed Juyeon’s arm as they left.</p><p>Juyeon took a deep breath standing in the empty house. Now he just had to wait.</p><p>When the doorbell rang, he couldn’t help the smile that spread over his face.</p><p>Seeing your foster child for the first time was always an impactful experience. Juyeon’s heart swelled seeing the little boy on the front steps.</p><p>He was so small. Juyeon knew he was young but he didn’t expect him to be so petite. He had on a light blue shirt and black pants. Juyeon noticed his shoes were mismatched. Probably because things had been grabbed in a hurry. They were scuffed up and dirty.</p><p>“This is Kyu.” the social worker introduced them. “Kyu, this is Juyeon.”</p><p>            Kyu stared up at him. He had an elephant plushie cradled in his arms. The comfort item made Juyeon smile.</p><p>“Hi honey.” Juyeon crouched down to make himself less intimidating.</p><p>Kyu stared at him with wide, distrustful eyes. He pressed his elephant plushie closer to his chest protectively.</p><p>Juyeon’s heart melted for the little boy. He was so little to be uprooted and have to stay with total strangers. The world was a scary enough place for a child without having your parents shifting with no warning.</p><p>“He probably won’t talk to you the first week, or even month.” the social worker sighed. “He doesn’t have any clothes either so you’ll have to make do with what he has on until we can send clothes. It may be a few days.”</p><p>“That’s fine.” Juyeon said softly, aware of Kyu watching him intently. “I can use some of Sunwoo’s hand me downs.”</p><p>“He may want to eat alone, sneak off to the bathroom, things like that.” The social worker gave a brief rundown of things he should be aware of. “It’s strange but…”</p><p>“I’ll be fine, thank you.” Juyeon stopped her before she could say anything more about the boy when he was standing right in front of them.</p><p>The social worker left and Juyeon was alone with Kyu. He stood still, in his mismatched sneakers, his hair uncombed and a little messy.</p><p>“Why don’t we go see your room.” Juyeon offered his hand to him.</p><p>Kyu hesitated but accepted his hand and followed him to the room.</p><p>“This is your bed.” Juyeon touched the blue bedspread. “There’s even a stuffie here to welcome you.”</p><p>He held up the plush dolphin that Sunwoo had decided to donate to him. Kyu stared at it and then back up at Juyeon.</p><p>“In the house, we don’t wear our shoes.” Juyeon said gently.</p><p>Kyu looked down at his own.</p><p>“It’s okay.” Juyeon said quickly. “It’s more fun to be in our socks, right?”</p><p>Kyu tucked one foot behind the other as if he was trying to hide it.</p><p>“I’ll take them off.” Juyeon crouched down in front of him.</p><p>Kyu let him untie his shoes and slip them off. Juyeon set them aside, making the mental note to throw them in the rubbish. He could tell they were too small for Kyu’s feet anyways.</p><p>Juyeon wanted to give Kyu a bath and get him fresh clothes and wash his hair, but he knew he had to take things slow.</p><p>The first obstacle was communication.</p><p>Juyeon stared at Kyu for a minute or two, trying to figure out how he would get Kyu to let him know what he wanted.</p><p>“Are you hungry?” Juyeon asked, hoping for some guidance.</p><p>To his relief, Kyu waited for a moment and then nodded.</p><p>“Okay! Let’s get a snack.” Juyeon headed to the kitchen and Kyu followed behind him.</p><p>When Juyeon turned around, Kyu was standing there with wide eyes, holding his elephant plushie against his chest. He blinked at Juyeon. Just waiting.</p><p>It felt a little odd but Juyeon wasn’t necessarily bothered by it. At least Kyu was interacting minimally. It was hard to figure out what Kyu wanted to eat but they finally settled on a squeezable applesauce.</p><p>By that time, Sunwoo was due to come home. Juyeon was a little nervous. Just because Kyu seemed so shy and Sunwoo was bursting with energy. He didn’t want Kyu to get scared.</p><p>Kyu sat on the couch eating his applesauce while Juyeon looked for a pair of Sunwoo’s clothes that would fit him. He had set aside a few pairs when there was a knock on the door, followed by the doorbell being rung a few times.</p><p>Juyeon quickly jogged to answer it. Kyu watched from the couch with wide eyes.</p><p>He opened the door to see Jacob holding Sunwoo’s hand to keep him from ringing the doorbell again.</p><p>“Sorry about that.” Jacob winced.</p><p>“No problem.” Juyeon smiled and hugged Sunwoo who had thrown himself at his legs.</p><p>“Is he here? Is he here?” Sunwoo asked excitedly.</p><p>“Yeah.” Juyeon grabbed his hand so he couldn’t run off. He nodded goodbye to Jacob. He would meet Kyu later so they didn’t overwhelm him today.</p><p>Juyeon watched with slight amusement as Sunwoo walked with him over to Kyu. Sunwoo stared at him in awe.</p><p>Kyu flickered his gaze between Juyeon and Sunwoo. When he clutched his elephant closer to himself, Juyeon decided it was close enough. He had Sunwoo stop a good bit away from Kyu.</p><p>“Sunwoo, this is Kyu.” Juyeon introduced them. “Kyu, this is Sunwoo. You and him will be sharing a room.”</p><p>Sunwoo smiled brightly then and bounced on the balls of his feet slightly. Juyeon let go of his hand, not entirely sure what he would do, but giving him space.</p><p>“Hi.” Sunwoo moved closer until he was standing just in front of Kyu.</p><p>Kyu didn’t seem distressed to Juyeon’s relief.</p><p>“I’m Sunwoo.” Sunwoo repeated to Kyu. “I’m five.”</p><p>He waited for Kyu to speak but when he got nothing, he just reached out to touch his elephant. He patted its head lightly.</p><p>“What’s his name?” Sunwoo asked.</p><p>Juyeon found it so endearing he was trying his best. He would have to explain to Sunwoo that Kyu may not respond when spoken to.</p><p>“Do you like applesauce?” Sunwoo continued on unphased. “I like applesauce. And strawberry jam. If you ask daddy, he will put it on your toast.”</p><p>Juyeon caught the first hint of a strong emotion flit over Kyu’s face. He frowned and then looked at Juyeon with a confused expression. Maybe he wasn’t sure what was happening still. He was just a small child. It was confusing to him that he would be staying in this new place.</p><p>“Okay Sunwoo.” Juyeon called him over. “Why don’t you go hang up your jacket.”</p><p>When Sunwoo ran off, Juyeon sat in the chair by the couch to talk to Kyu.</p><p>“Right now, this is going to be your home.” he cringed a little inside, not sure how to approach the topic with a boy so young. “You can sleep here, eat here, play here…”</p><p>Kyu listened to him carefully and then looked away, fiddling with his empty applesauce. Juyeon stood and reached for it.</p><p>When Kyu handed it to him, Juyeon realized how dirty his shirt was. Or maybe it was just stained. Either way he really wanted to get Kyu washed up and in new clothes. But he realized dinner should come first before bath time.</p><p>Sunwoo brought out his animal figurines to the living room to play with. Juyeon watched from afar as Kyu slid off of the couch and sat shyly watching Sunwoo set them up. He slowly scooted closer until he could reach the toys.</p><p>“Here. This one can be yours.” Sunwoo handed Kyu an elephant one.</p><p>Kyu inspected it and then moved it along the floor. Soon he was immersed in playing, even if it was silent. Sunwoo chattered along to fill the silence, not seeming bothered.</p><p>Juyeon was able to make dinner for them with peace of mind. The kitchen area was open so he could watch them place in the living room.</p><p>It was only the first day with Kyu being there but Juyeon was already racking up a mental list of what he needed to do for Kyu to be comfortable. They would definitely go shopping soon, even if the social worker brought some used clothes to sort through.</p><p>Kyu needed shoes. Sneakers and regular play shoes that fit him and probably a jacket as it was getting colder. Juyeon had already got the other basics like a toothbrush, toothpaste, a hair brush and those necessities.</p><p>With Sunwoo, he had been over prepared, and Sunwoo had come with some of his own personal belongings. Kyu came with nothing. Juyeon understood he had an abrupt removal. It was crazy to think Kyu had been in his prior living situation less than twenty-four hours before.</p><p>He set the table and Sunwoo got the hint that dinner was ready. He started to clean up the toys. At least partially, before he ran to see what Juyeon had made.</p><p>“Yay!” Sunwoo peeked over the counter and clapped his hands.</p><p>Kyu trailed in after him.</p><p>“He made octopus!” Sunwoo told Kyu excitedly.</p><p>“Ah- not real octopus.” Juyeon assured Kyu, holding up the little sausage cut like an octopus.</p><p>Kyu smiled. Juyeon froze for a beat, realizing it was the first time he had seen him smile.</p><p>He set their plates on the table so they could sit. He realized belatedly that he didn’t have a booster seat for Kyu.</p><p>He looked around for a moment, thinking. He grabbed one of the toy bins Sunwoo had and placed a pillow on top of it. It wasn’t the best, but it would do. Juyeon scooted his chair closer to Kyu so he could grab him in case he tipped off. It seemed pretty sturdy though.</p><p>Kyu didn’t seem to mind, though he struggled to eat a little bit with his elephant in his arms. His plate slid across the table when he tried to pick up a sausage.</p><p>Juyeon had stuck with a simple, kid-friendly dinner for the first night. Sunwoo loved the sausage octopus and he would eat the vegetables and rice if they were all together on one unoffending plate.</p><p>“Do you want to set your elephant down for a minute?” Juyeon asked when he noticed Kyu was struggling.</p><p>Kyu shook his head in refusal.</p><p>Juyeon didn’t want to try to force him. It was obviously a comfort item so he wouldn’t take it away. Instead, he reached his hand out and steadied Kyu’s plate so he could manage with one hand.</p><p>Dinner time went well. Kyu ate all of his food and shook his head when Juyeon asked if he was still hungry. Sunwoo seemed to be enjoying himself as well.</p><p>He grabbed Kyu’s hand when they were done with dinner and led them to their room. Juyeon peeked in to check on them and found them playing peacefully. It made him happy and relieved that they clicked with each other.</p><p>Towards the end of the evening, he tackled his next task.</p><p>“Kyu.” Juyeon crouched next to him as he was playing. “I want to give you a bath honey.”</p><p>He decided it was best to just get to the point. Kyu looked at him then back at the toys, a little torn.</p><p>“I already have everything ready.” Juyeon told him. “It will be fast.”</p><p>He hoped it would be fast, but he didn’t know how Kyu would react to the bath. He had already gotten everything ready, even filling the tub with extra bubbles to make it fun.</p><p>Kyu followed him into the bathroom after a moment, his elephant plushie coming along as always.</p><p>“This little guy can’t go in the bath.” Juyeon tapped the elephant. “Let’s leave him on the counter.”</p><p>Kyu looked reluctant, wrapping his other arm around the toy.</p><p>“Hmm…” Juyeon thought about what he could do. “We can have him watch us.”</p><p>He placed another folded towel on the counter and patted the spot.</p><p>“Now he has a seat.” Juyeon smiled. “He won’t get wet and he can see the bath too.”</p><p>Juyeon went ahead and reached for the plushie, slowly pulling it out of Kyu’s grasp. He propped it up on the counter so Kyu could see it. He seemed satisfied.</p><p>“Alrighty, let’s get in the tub.” Juyeon crouched and reached for the hem of Kyu’s shirt.</p><p>Again, Kyu reacted just slightly. He pressed his hands against his tummy to keep the shirt from being lifted.</p><p>“Can I please?” Juyeon asked when he was met with resistance for Kyu’s shirt.</p><p>He had succeeded with the elephant. Surely, he could manage to get Kyu into the tub.</p><p>When he got Kyu’s shirt off he wanted to stop. He wanted to go to his room and cry. He didn’t want to see the faint scars on Kyu’s torso. He didn’t want to have to cope with the story they told.</p><p>But Kyu was watching him closely. His small fingers wiggled nervously at his sides, waiting for Juyeon’s reaction.</p><p>It took everything in him, but Juyeon raised his eyes to Kyu’s and gave him a warm smile.</p><p>“Let’s get you in that warm water.” Juyeon said lightly. “I don’t want you to get chilly!”</p><p>When Kyu was in the water, he transformed. It helped Juyeon hold onto the fragile strand keeping him from bursting into tears.</p><p>Kyu pulled the bubbles towards himself and played with the floating toys Juyeon had set on the surface of the water. Juyeon let him play for a few minutes, watching him relax in his own world.</p><p>Hidden under the water were the marks burned into Kyu’s skin. But they were burned into Juyeon’s mind as well now.</p><p>He had to be especially gentle washing Kyu’s hair. He shampooed twice just in case and used his hand to shield the water he poured from getting in his eyes. Kyu still scrunched them shut tightly.</p><p>When he was done and he had liberally massaged in conditioner, he rinsed and began to drain the water.</p><p>He lifted Kyu onto the bath towel and quickly wrapped him in a towel and rubbed him dry. Kyu shivered a tiny bit but was fully focused on the counter. He even raised his arm and made a grabby motion towards his elephant.</p><p>“One second honey.” Juyeon grabbed his clothes. “Pajamas first.”</p><p>He made sure Kyu was in his warm pajamas before handing him his elephant. He rubbed his cheek on it and hugged it with both arms.</p><p>Juyeon smiled as he rubbed Kyu’s hair dry with a soft hand towel. By the time he was done, Kyu was rubbing his eyes tiredly. Sunwoo’s pajamas were still a tiny bit big on him, but they worked for now.</p><p>Juyeon wanted to carry him to bed but he didn’t want to overstep his boundary so he just held his hand. Kyu padded along beside him on his shorter legs.</p><p>“Do you want to read a story?” Juyeon asked him, seeing Sunwoo was sitting on his bed with a book.</p><p>Kyu considered it for a moment and then nodded.</p><p>“Do you want to sit with Sunwoo?” he asked, moving over to Sunwoo’s bed. “We can read together.”</p><p>Kyu followed him, probably too tired to think through things much. He rubbed his eyes again as Juyeon sat next to Sunwoo. It was a bit of a tight squeeze but they could all fit with Sunwoo and Kyu on either side of Juyeon.</p><p>Kyu perched on the edge of the bed, not leaning against Juyeon. He was a little worried Kyu might fall off of the bed but he forced himself to just start reading, one hand free in case he started to slip.</p><p>After a few minutes, Kyu inched closer until his shoulder was brushing Juyeon’s and he was leaning back against the pillow. He didn’t move any closer.</p><p>It was nice to have two boys with him, both fed, clothed, and clean. It made Juyeon remember why it was all worth it. All the hardships just to have a normal moment in the little boy’s childhoods.</p><p>Juyeon stopped reading when Kyu started to nod off. He got the little boy into his bed with his plushie against his chest and his other arm curling around the dolphin plushie Sunwoo had picked out.</p><p>Juyeon briefly let his fingertips linger on his shoulder before moving to say goodnight to Sunwoo. He had already talked to Sunwoo about sleeping in his own room now that Kyu was there. He seemed to be taking it well so far.</p><p>“Goodnight baby.” Juyeon leaned down to give him a kiss.</p><p>Sunwoo reached up and wrapped his arms around Juyeon’s neck.</p><p>“Thank you, daddy.” he whispered.</p><p>“For what?” Juyeon smiled and nuzzled his face against his neck.</p><p>“For giving me my Kyu.” he replied.</p><p>Juyeon looked down at him in surprise. It was so sweet. He knew Sunwoo had been excited about getting a little brother for a long time. His heart melted at how attached Sunwoo already was, but he worried Sunwoo didn’t fully understand.</p><p>At the moment, Kyu was only there with them temporarily. He was worried Sunwoo would get attached just to have Kyu potentially leave.</p><p>“Sleep well.” Juyeon kissed his forehead. “I’ll be in the other room if you need me.”</p><p>Sunwoo nodded and snuggled into his covers.</p><p>Juyeon left the door open a bit in case they needed anything.</p><p>The next morning, Juyeon got up early to get ready for their busy day. Their first visit would be the next day so Juyeon wanted to get all the things Kyu might need before then.</p><p>“Oh good morning bud.” Juyeon almost tripped over Sunwoo when he came into the kitchen.</p><p>“Hold me.” Sunwoo raised his arms.</p><p>Juyeon lifted him into his arms but continued moving about, doing his tasks. He had become good at doing things with a five-year-old in his arms.</p><p>“Do you want to help me wake up Kyu?” Juyeon asked once it was around the time to get up.</p><p>Sunwoo nodded and slid out of Juyeon’s arms as he bent down. He padded excitedly into their room. Juyeon had let Kyu sleep in since he was surely tired from everything that had happened.</p><p>Sunwoo stood by the bed and patted Kyu’s arm gently. Juyeon picked up the clothes Sunwoo had thrown by the clothes hamper the night before. He had tried.</p><p>“Wake up.” Sunwoo whispered loudly.</p><p>Kyu’s eyes fluttered open slowly and he looked around to see Sunwoo and Juyeon there.</p><p>“Oh no…” Sunwoo stepped back as Kyu’s face screwed up and he began to cry.</p><p>“It’s okay.” Juyeon had honestly expected this moment at some point. Sunwoo had also cried a lot the first week. Especially the first day.</p><p>Juyeon came to sit on Kyu’s bed to console him. He rubbed his arm gently as he rubbed his tiny fists against his eyes. He didn’t want to pull him up into a hug, just in case it made Kyu feel trapped.</p><p>“It’s okay to cry honey.” Juyeon soothed him. “I know it’s scary.”</p><p>Sunwoo stood watching with wide worried eyes until Kyu began to stop crying. He sniffled quietly and wiped at his face.</p><p>“Sunwoo, can you get me a tissue?” Juyeon asked.</p><p>Sunwoo nodded solemnly and ran to retrieve one. Juyeon smiled at him when he returned to let him know it was alright.</p><p>He gently wiped away Kyu’s tears with the tissue, keeping his touches light. Kyu blinked up at him woefully.</p><p>“I’m sorry honey.” Juyeon said softly. “It’s okay to be sad.”</p><p>Kyu ran his fingers through the fur of his elephant, his gaze not leaving Juyeon’s face.</p><p>“I want you to be happy, okay? So if you are ever sad, you can cry all the rainclouds away so we can see the sun.” Juyeon gently placed his hand on Kyu’s tummy.  “Whatever makes you feel better.”</p><p>It was easy to offer your home to a child, but it was hard to actually accept in a child with all of their struggles and sorrows. It was hard to handle a bruised heart gently and tenderly. Juyeon hoped he could do his best for Kyu.</p><p>Kyu seemed to feel better after crying a bit. Juyeon thought it would still be okay if they went out shopping.</p><p>He strapped Kyu into his carseat next to Sunwoo and stood back to look at them proudly. They were so adorable, sitting in their car seats ready to go.</p><p>Juyeon thought going on a drive was a great way to communicate nonverbally to Kyu that he would be staying with them. Instead of taking him somewhere and dropping him off, Kyu came back home with them once their shopping trip was over.</p><p>Juyeon honestly had his hands full trying to keep an eye on Sunwoo, who tended to wander, while still picking out things for Kyu. Once he knew his size, he just grabbed whatever was cute or functional in that size.</p><p>He got Kyu a puffy winter coat and a regular jacket as well as two pairs of shoes to start with. Sunwoo whined about getting something too, so he grabbed a lion t-shirt for him. They headed back to the car with full bags.</p><p>“Hold hands.” Juyeon switched his bags to one hand so he could hold Sunwoo’s hand to cross the parking lot. Sunwoo held on to Kyu.</p><p>“Can we get a slushie?” Sunwoo asked as he put the bags in the back of the car.</p><p>“Hm… would you like a slushie?” Juyeon asked Kyu.</p><p>As usual, Kyu stared back at him.</p><p>“It’s really yummy! You can get all kinds of fruit flavors!” Sunwoo explained to him.</p><p>Juyeon smiled at how excited Sunwoo was. For a slushie, but more importantly, to be with Kyu.</p><p>When they got to the slushie place, Sunwoo held Kyu’s hand, even when they were in the store. Juyeon sneakily took out his phone and took a photo of the back of them both looking at the slushie menu together. He took another photo of their hands swinging together between them.</p><p>“You have a new little one with you today!” the worker leaned over the counter to see Kyu. She knew Juyeon and Sunwoo since they came here often.</p><p>“This is my new addition.” Juyeon smiled and handed over the money for two small slushies.</p><p>“He’s such a cutie!” she exclaimed, waving at him. Kyu looked like a deer caught in headlights.</p><p>“He’s a bit… shy.” Juyeon said.</p><p>“No problem!” she smiled. “What do you want today?”</p><p>Sunwoo pulled Kyu closer so he could stick his chin over the counter.</p><p>“I want one raspberry.” Sunwoo held up one finger. “And Kyu wanted one strawberry.”</p><p>Juyeon wasn’t sure how Sunwoo figured that out but he let him place the order anyways. Kyu seemed happy with his flavor.</p><p>They sat outside at the patio table. Sunwoo kicked his legs back and forth under the table and Kyu copied him.</p><p>“I like the raspberry flavor best. And also the mango.” Sunwoo chattered away happily to Kyu. “And sometimes the blueberry.”</p><p>Sunwoo reached over and pulled Kyu’s slushie out of his hand to take a sip of his strawberry one. Kyu looked surprised.</p><p>“Hey, Sunwoo!” Juyeon laughed. “You have to ask before you drink someone else’s slushie!”</p><p>“Here.” Sunwoo offered his own to Kyu.</p><p>Kyu took a small sip and then returned to his own.</p><p>Juyeon smiled at the two boys. He knew it would be a long journey with Kyu joining their small family, but he was looking forward to every minute of it.</p><p>The next day was hard though. First meetings with the family were always hard. It was up to Juyeon to work with Kyu’s parents to figure out the visitation schedule. It was a bit hard for Juyeon to be with Kyu’s parents.</p><p>Only Kyu’s mother was present for the first meeting which complicated things a bit but they managed to work around it. Juyeon got to hear Kyu speak for the first time though it was faint because he only spoke when his mother and him were alone at a distance.</p><p>Coming home felt a little more natural since general terms had been worked out. Juyeon set down all the visitation dates on his calendar as soon as he got home.</p><p>“Daddy… I’m bored!” Sunwoo whined. He came to tug on his arm as he worked at the table.</p><p>“Why don’t you help me clean up the living room?” Juyeon sad. “That will keep you from being bored.”</p><p>Sunwoo pouted. Chores were not his version of fun.</p><p>“When will my Kyu wake up?” Sunwoo asked, leaning against Juyeon.</p><p>“Your Kyu?” Juyeon turned to look at him. “Is he your Kyu now?”</p><p>“Yes, my Kyu.” Sunwoo pointed to himself. “I’m his older brother.”</p><p>“I’m glad you take your duty seriously.” Juyeon grinned and rumpled his hair. “I’ll make you a deal. If you clean up the living room, we’ll make a fort.”</p><p>Sunwoo perked up. Building a fort was one of his favorite things. He left Juyeon to complete his task.</p><p>Juyeon knew that building a fort would just make the living room messy again, but he knew Sunwoo needed something to do. Maybe Kyu would like to join in.</p><p>Juyeon was lucky to be able to work from home. He could do everything from his home office and occasionally bring his proposals and hard plans to the main office. It was great for being a stay at home dad.</p><p>Juyeon looked at the clock. Kyu would probably wake up from his nap soon.</p><p>He wasn’t really on a nap schedule with his biological parents so his body clock was all off. Juyeon realized just in the past two days how up and down he was. Sometimes sleepy, sometimes wide awake.</p><p>It was important for young kids to get plenty of rest, and nap for as long as they were able to. Unfortunately, Sunwoo rarely napped anymore. He had outgrown napping and had too much energy to go down in the middle of the day.</p><p>Juyeon was working with Kyu. He had already set up a scheduled nap time and made sure to let Kyu know they would stick to it every day. Sunwoo had been less than happy, wanting to play with Kyu constantly.</p><p>Juyeon wrapped up what he was doing and went into Sunwoo and Kyu’s room. It was dim, the curtains drawn to hopefully promote sleep.</p><p>He was surprised to see Kyu lying in bed, wide awake, whispering to his elephant. As soon as Juyeon came in, he stopped.</p><p>“Did you sleep any?” Juyeon asked.</p><p>Kyu nodded so that was good. It would take a while for him to find his rhythm.</p><p>“I’m going to make dinner and Sunwoo is going to build a fort.” Juyeon told him. “Are you ready to get up?”</p><p>Kyu nodded quickly and hopped out of bed, not forgetting his elephant plushie.</p><p>Juyeon reminded himself again to talk to the social worker and Kyu’s parents about bringing in a specialist. He would bring it up next week. He didn’t want to overwhelm with everything at once.</p><p>Kyu’s silence was serious enough to need addressing. He could speak. That was obvious. He was just choosing not to.</p><p>Juyeon knew a little bit about what was going on. It was selective mutism. Essentially, Kyu wouldn’t speak in certain situations where he didn’t feel comfortable. It was an anxiety disorder so working with a therapist was important.</p><p>Usually children with selective mutism only spoke to family members and close friends, but fell silent in other social situations. Juyeon was still on the out, but he hoped Kyu could begin to feel more comfortable with him as they went through life together.</p><p>Since Kyu would be staying as a part of their family, he should begin speaking with them when he became comfortable. It was hard to stay silent for so long in an everyday setting.</p><p>Juyeon saw the first break through with Sunwoo.</p><p>Juyeon had to help them do most of the setting up of the fort. In the end they had a fairly large fort, completely closed off when you were inside.</p><p>Sunwoo peeked his head out through the sheet that acted as a door.</p><p>“You can bring us our dinner in here.” he shooed Juyeon away with his hand and popped out of view again.</p><p>Juyeon may have protested earlier but he could tell Kyu was having a good time as well and he didn’t want to interrupt that.</p><p>He made a simple dinner that would be hard to spill in the fort.</p><p>“Do you know that daddy and I made an even bigger fort than this once?” Sunwoo was telling Kyu. “It was so big!”</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>Juyeon’s head snapped up at the quiet voice.</p><p>“Yeah and it had every pillow in the house!” Sunwoo continued.</p><p>“We have a lot of pillows in this one.” Kyu replied.</p><p>Juyeon smiled hearing his voice. Sunwoo had earned his trust. Maybe the safe space of the fort gave Kyu the little bit of courage he needed to share his voice.</p><p>“We have your elephant too!” Sunwoo pointed out. “Oh! I’ll get my lion!”</p><p>He slipped out of the tent and dashed to his room.</p><p>“Can I bring dinner in now?” Juyeon asked Sunwoo as he darted past again.</p><p>“Yes!” Sunwoo disappeared in the tent again.</p><p>Juyeon brought over their bowls and put juice in snap close sippy cups to prevent spills.</p><p>“Knock knock.” Juyeon stood in front of the entrance to the tent.</p><p>Sunwoo whipped back the sheet. Kyu was sitting cross-legged next to him on the pillows.</p><p>“Thank you!” Sunwoo took his food happily.</p><p>Juyeon handed Kyu his plate as well.</p><p>“You have to say thank you.” Sunwoo gestured from Kyu to Juyeon. “Because he made the dinner.”</p><p>Juyeon had taught Sunwoo always to say thanks for the meal to the person who had cooked or bought it. Kyu looked at Juyeon and a shadow of fearfulness passed over his face.</p><p>“It’s okay.” Juyeon smiled at them. “Enjoy!”</p><p>He didn’t want to force Kyu to speak. As much as he needed to, forcing him would make him resist even more. It didn’t do much if he only did so because he was pressured into it.</p><p>He let the sheet fall again, letting Sunwoo and Kyu back into their own little world.</p><p>He was glad Sunwoo and Kyu were officially buddies. He had worried about them possibly not getting along, but that was far from the reality.</p><p>The only negative was that Sunwoo could tire anyone out. He managed to tire Juyeon out with his energy. He burned out Kyu much quicker. But maybe it was a good thing in some situations.</p><p>A few days later, Juyeon came looking for Kyu while Sunwoo cleaned his room quickly.</p><p>He found him on the carpet of the living room, laying tummy down. He must have fallen asleep playing. Juyeon let his shoulders slump for a moment, glad to see he had tired himself out in the day. He had fallen asleep a bit before nap time but at least he was asleep instead of wide awake.</p><p>As always, his elephant was tucked under his arm. When Juyeon picked him up, he made sure to grab the elephant as well. He lifted Kyu against his chest, his head laying on his shoulder.</p><p>“Okay baby…” Juyeon whispered to himself. “Let’s go to bed.”</p><p>Luckily, Sunwoo was heading out of the room as they came in. He pouted seeing it was nap time and he had lost his playmate.</p><p>“I’ll be out in a minute.” Juyeon whispered to Sunwoo.</p><p>He kept Kyu on his shoulder as he closed the curtains and pulled back his covers. Instead of laying him down immediately, he sat on the bed and held him a moment longer.</p><p>It was a special feeling to have a little person tucked against you. Juyeon savored his soft warmth for a moment. He let himself imagine for a moment the Kyu who would be running around in a few months and a year.</p><p>Little kids grew so fast. He wanted to capture a moment of him just being little. He smiled when Kyu’s breath tickled his neck.</p><p>He shouldn’t let himself get carried away. Kyu wasn’t technically his. But even if he wasn’t, Juyeon wanted the very best for him.</p><p>Kyu slept through his whole nap and woke up a little more refreshed. Juyeon was the one who wanted a nap at this point. He was running low on energy with caring for the two boys. Sunwoo was especially hyper today.</p><p>“I really need to make dinner.” Juyeon groaned but he didn’t move from his spot.</p><p>He was sitting in the living room with his shoulders against the side of the couch. His head lay against the couch cushion and his legs stretched out in front of him. Sunwoo was stacking pillows and plush animals all over him.</p><p>“We can order pizza tonight.” Sunwoo said.</p><p>He had a habit of saying things very directly. Sometimes it came off as bossy but he had gotten better at his word choice.</p><p>“I was going to make a really yummy salad tonight though.” Juyeon smiled.</p><p>“Ew!” Sunwoo shook his head in distaste.</p><p>“Vegetables are what help you grow.” Juyeon poked Sunwoo’s tummy. He squirmed away.</p><p>“I think… pizza makes me grow too.” Sunwoo nodded.</p><p>Juyeon looked over at Kyu. He was placing the remaining plushies in a line.</p><p>“What do you think Kyu?” he asked. “Do you want salad, or pizza?”</p><p>He didn’t really expect Kyu to answer. He just wanted to open the opportunity up.</p><p>Kyu considered for a minute and then, to Juyeon’s elation, opened his mouth.</p><p>“Both.” he said quietly.</p><p>“Ah! We have a winner!” Juyeon said happily. “We’ll choose Kyu’s option of a balanced meal.”</p><p>“Good job!” Sunwoo reached his hand out for a high five.</p><p>Juyeon grinned at Kyu. Hearing him speak, even if it was just a word set off fireworks in his heart.</p><p>“Call.” Sunwoo held Juyeon’s phone out to him.</p><p>Juyeon raised his eyebrow at him.</p><p>“Call please.” Sunwoo changed his request.</p><p>“Thank you.” Juyeon took the phone and dialed the number.</p><p>He got up at some point to make the salad. He looked out of the window as he washed the lettuce in the sink. There was a planter on the windowsill. He noticed something on one of the leaves and opened the window to retrieve it.</p><p>“Sunwoo! Kyu! Come here!” he called to the boys.</p><p>“What?” Sunwoo came into the kitchen with Kyu trailing behind him.</p><p>“Look what I found.” Juyeon lowered his hand to show the black fuzzy caterpillar in his hand.</p><p>“In the lettuce?” Sunwoo gasped, looking thoroughly appalled.</p><p>“No. Outside silly!” Juyeon laughed.</p><p>Kyu moved closer to look at it. Sunwoo kept a safe distance.</p><p>“Can I hold it?” Kyu asked, holding his hand out.</p><p>“Of course!” Juyeon was stunned hearing him speak again but he was so happy.</p><p>“He didn’t say please!” Sunwoo cut in.</p><p>Kyu looked at him, his hand still outstretched.</p><p>“It’s okay.” Juyeon smiled and gently deposited the caterpillar on Kyu’s hand.</p><p>He watched it crawl over his hand slowly. He looked mesmerized by the little fuzzy creature. The hand that was holding his elephant wiggled since he couldn’t move his other hand.</p><p>“It’s tickly.” Kyu commented.</p><p>It was like fireworks going off in Juyeon’s heart again.</p><p>“He’s a cute little guy, huh?” Juyeon crouched down to pet it carefully with his finger. “Do you want to touch it Sunwoo?”</p><p>Sunwoo was a little shyer but he finally placed his fingertip on it lightly for a second or two. He snatched his hand away when it moved.</p><p>“Is it a baby?” Kyu asked.</p><p>“I think it’s an adult caterpillar, but a baby butterfly.” Juyeon smiled and nodded.</p><p>“He eats lettuce?” Sunwoo asked, fixated on the salad.</p><p>“I think he does.” Juyeon nodded and took it back into his hand. “Do you want to feed him?”</p><p>They both nodded vigorously so Juyeon tore off a bit of lettuce each for them to feed it. It started to nibble on the lettuce Kyu held.</p><p>“One at a time bud.” Juyeon smiled at Sunwoo. The caterpillar ate both Kyu and Sunwoo’s lettuce and then Juyeon let it go back into the planter.</p><p>“Now he will become a green butterfly because we fed him lettuce.” Sunwoo said knowledgeably.</p><p>Juyeon frowned but didn’t say anything. Science wasn’t something Sunwoo had fully explored yet.</p><p>Later that night, as he washed both boys and wrestled them into pajamas, he thought the day was a victory.</p><p>It was good they had little victories because the struggles coming were harder than Juyeon had anticipated.</p><p>Juyeon realized from day one that Sunwoo and school did not mix. He would truly rather do anything but go to school. Juyeon was at a loss.</p><p>“Okay. Got your backpack and your lunch…” Juyeon tried to ignore the crying child clinging to his leg.</p><p>Not that he wanted to ignore Sunwoo, he just didn’t have time to address him any further. He had already spent half the morning trying to work with him, comfort him, even bribe him, in hopes he would calm down before school.</p><p>“I’ll come back for you bud.” Juyeon lifted Sunwoo into his arms.</p><p>Sunwoo lay on him like a dead weight. By the time they got to school he would be squeezing the life out of him.</p><p>Juyeon balanced Sunwoo against him with one arm, that hand holding his backpack and lunch pail, and the other hand reaching for Kyu. He hoped Kyu wouldn’t be traumatized by Sunwoo by the time he went to school.</p><p>Sunwoo just didn’t want to be separated from Juyeon for so long. To him, the school day was an eternity. Juyeon felt terrible. He really did. Sunwoo wasn’t trying to be difficult. He was just scared.</p><p>But he would grow out of it in time. When he realized how much fun he could have at school. And when he realized that Juyeon truly did pick him up every time without fail.</p><p>“Don’t cry baby.” Juyeon murmured as he clipped Sunwoo into his seatbelt.</p><p>Kyu watched Sunwoo with fascination as Juyeon moved to clip him in as well. He was fully confused by why Sunwoo suddenly had to go away every day. And why he hated it so much.</p><p>Juyeon braced himself for the hardest part. Actually dropping him off at school.</p><p>Sunwoo was surprisingly strong when he wanted to be. Like when he was joking Juyeon by trying to latch onto him.</p><p>“Let go Sunwoo.” Juyeon pried his arms away from his neck.</p><p>It broke his heart to have to leave Sunwoo there when he was crying. He stopped after Juyeon left but the parting was the hardest.</p><p>“I promise I’ll come back.” Juyeon assured him. “You can even look at the clock to know when I will come. Or ask your teacher.”</p><p>It fell on deaf ears and Juyeon had to leave feeling like a bit of a bully. But he knew it was the best thing for Sunwoo.</p><p>“Where should we do our school?” Juyeon asked Kyu, squeezing his hand lightly as they went back to the car.</p><p>Juyeon had started taking Kyu with him to the park, or the coffeeshop to do work. He occasionally set Kyu up with basic learning things, like spelling and phonics. But mostly he played and Juyeon worked.</p><p>“Slushie?” Kyu asked hesitantly.</p><p>“Okay. We can go there.” Juyeon nodded.</p><p>Kyu had started speaking a little more frequently. Outside of Juyeon, Sunwoo and his parents during visits, he was silent though. They had a visit with a therapist on the weekend. Juyeon was looking forward to starting to get him help.</p><p>Juyeon made sure to set an alarm so he didn’t forget when to pick up Sunwoo. He started Kyu with a coloring book and markers, making sure to roll up his sleeves so he didn’t accidentally mark them.</p><p>Kyu sipped happily on his slushie and colored away for about a half an hour. He started getting fidgety at that point so Juyeon switched out the coloring book for magnetic toys. Kyu seemed uninterested though. Or at least, he seemed preoccupied.</p><p>Luckily, he lasted until it was time to return for Sunwoo. Juyeon threw away Kyu’s unfinished second half of his slushie and packed him back into the car.</p><p>When they got home, Kyu continued to be restless and fidgety.</p><p>“What’s going on honey?” Juyeon asked when he stood watching Sunwoo play without joining in.</p><p>“My throat hurts.” Kyu said. His voice came out a little raspy.</p><p>Juyeon sat down at the kitchen table and turned the chair so he could have Kyu stand in front of him. He gently probed at his lymph nodes.</p><p>“Hm… you might be catching a cold.” he couldn’t tell if his lymph nodes were swollen.</p><p>“Itchy.” Kyu frowned and rubbed at his lips.</p><p>Juyeon held his chin and inspected his lips. They did seem a little red. He opened Kyu’s mouth and frowned. His gums and tongue looked swollen and the top of his mouth was red.</p><p>“I want you to drink some water.” Juyeon got up to fill his drink cup. “I’ll look at it again in ten minutes.”</p><p>Ten minutes passed and now Kyu was complaining of stomach pain. Juyeon had him lay down and scoured the internet for his symptoms. Finally it hit him.</p><p>“Have you ever had the kiwi slushie before?” Juyeon leaned over the back of the couch to ask him.</p><p>Kyu shook his head.</p><p>“Have you ever eaten a kiwi?” Juyeon elaborated. Kyu denied it again.</p><p>Juyeon inspected the external look of his throat and then checked his mouth again.</p><p>“I think you might be allergic honey.” Juyeon made a sad face.</p><p>“What does that mean?” Sunwoo piped up from where he sat on the floor.</p><p>“It means his body doesn’t like that fruit.” Juyeon explained. “It’s making him sick.”</p><p>Sunwoo made a face.</p><p>“Yeah, it’s yucky.” Juyeon made a face.</p><p>Even though it seemed mild, he was obligated to bring Kyu to the hospital to be safe. He also didn’t want Kyu to suffer since he wasn’t sure how to relieve his pain other than wait for the irritation to die down.</p><p>Yet again he bundled the boys back in the car and took them to the emergency room. He held Kyu’s hand as they waited. Unfortunately, Kyu’s discomfort just went up. He clutched his elephant close for comfort, resting his cheek on the soft fur.</p><p>What felt like an eternity later, they were seen by a doctor. When the doctor did a full body check, the nurses asked Juyeon questions about the marks on Kyu’s body. He explained his position as a foster parent. He still had to fill out extensive paperwork since he wasn’t Kyu’s biological relative.</p><p>Kyu ended up throwing up once but it was good. The kiwi slushie needed to be expelled so it could stop poisoning his body. Juyeon rubbed his back through it. Juyeon couldn’t help but feel bad. He didn’t know Kyu was allergic but he felt as if he had made the little boy sick on accident.</p><p>Being in the hospital was like being in a black hole. Finally, they managed to escape the vortex and go home. It was late and Kyu was exhausted. Juyeon could tell he was feeling really icky by the way his elephant plushie dangled from one hand dangerously as Juyeon carried him to the car.</p><p>“You did such a good job. You were so brave.” Juyeon told him as he buckled him in. “You can sleep in the car if you want.”</p><p>Kyu felt asleep in less than a minute. Sunwoo followed within a few. Juyeon rubbed his hand over his face.</p><p>It had been such a long day. He learned something new about Kyu. Sadly it had to be from experience. He would have to document it all to the social worker and deal with all the medical records and payments. But he would deal with that later. Kyu’s wellbeing in the moment came first.</p><p>He was gentle as he took Kyu out of the carseat once they were home. Luckily Sunwoo woke up and walked to bed on his own. Juyeon deposited him on his bed and then went back for his elephant plushie.</p><p>He managed to change Kyu into pajamas without waking him and tucked him into bed. He leaned down and pressed a small kiss to his forehead. He kissed Sunwoo goodnight as well. They were both too tired to think of reading a story.</p><p>Juyeon fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. He was tired in mind and body, but his heart was full.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Quick background! I work part time as a teacher (since I am still in school) and specialize in teaching kiddos with disabilities, whether physical or mental. I work often with kids in foster care or adoptive homes. Since I started Junior High up until now! (I’m 19) I hope these stories can communicate some real knowledge and experience revolving around foster/adoptive relationships and various disabilities and disorders. I think it’s so important to be aware and educated on these things, and what better way to learn than through reading about these cuties! Hopefully it is a fun journey!</p><p>Sometimes placements can happen really fast! Also kids may not have time to pack a bag. Sometimes the kids will be sent bags of clothes, but it can be very hit or miss so that is why Juyeon goes shopping! Also it is normal for kids to be sad when they are first placed in a new home. Even if the home they were previously in was a bad scene, it’s all they know, so it can be hard. Let me know if you have any questions/comments! &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Jacob</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi everyone! Posting this a bit late but it's because I have been so busy recently! This chapter is definitely not the best written but it will do for now lol! Meet our second family! I've been struggling so much mentally and have been battling with depression since school has been so much, but have worked my hardest to get this story up! I made it through for now!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The happiest day of Jacob’s life was when he found out he would be a dad. He had gotten married freshly out of college and it was pretty much their biggest desire to have children. His wife, Hana, had gotten pregnant within the first year of being married. Everything seemed perfect.</p><p>Two years later, Jacob sat in the doctor’s office with the weight of the world on his shoulders.</p><p>Autism. It was a scary word. One that neither him or Hana really understood the implications of. It was foreign territory.</p><p>Their life really changed. Expectations shifted. Everyday life had to be adjusted. They had to learn how to do the very best for their son.</p><p>Haknyeon was like the sun to Jacob. He was so bright and lovely, melting away all the coldness that tried to creep in at times.</p><p>He was also like an alarm clock, waking Jacob up every morning without fail. He padded in and started tugging on Jacob’s shirt to get him going. Jacob smiled as he swung his legs out of bed and got up.</p><p>“How did you sleep?” Jacob carried Haknyeon into the kitchen to have breakfast.</p><p>“Good.” Haknyeon replied.</p><p>Jacob set him down to pull out cereal from the cupboard. Haknyeon sat at the table waiting patiently.</p><p>“No! The blue one!” Haknyeon told him when he accidentally pulled out a red bowl. Haknyeon always had cereal in his blue bowl.</p><p>“Oops. Okay.” Jacob corrected his mistake.</p><p>Jacob gently combed through Haknyeon’s hair as he ate. He was a really sweet kid.</p><p>He went to regular school since he was high functioning on the autistic spectrum. He went to additional classes during the week for more specialized teaching.</p><p>“Today in class we are going to look at fish.” Haknyeon told Jacob.</p><p>He had been telling Jacob for quite literally weeks. He was really looking forward to it.</p><p>“It’s going to be so fun.” Jacob smiled.</p><p>“I’m done.” Haknyeon slid out of his chair and put his bowl in the sink.</p><p>Jacob got even more of an earful when he picked Haknyeon up from school. It was nice that Jacob was a teacher. He could bring Haknyeon to school when he went to work.</p><p>When they were driving home, Jacob took advantage of Haknyeon’s momentary silence to address his other son.</p><p>“How was school Hyunjae?” he asked.</p><p>“It was fine.” Hyunjae replied half-heartedly, looking out of the window.</p><p>“That’s good.” Jacob sometimes had a really hard time with getting through to Hyunjae.</p><p>He was often in a sour mood and was always closed off.</p><p>It was understandable though. Jacob wasn’t his real father. Things felt weird. Haknyeon wasn’t his real brother, yet he dealt with him same as if he was.</p><p>Jacob had firstly been most worried about Haknyeon, but he got along with Hyunjae amazingly well.</p><p>Jacob didn’t want to make life hard for Haknyeon. He really tried his best to assist him in any way he needed. Some things just couldn’t be avoided. Whether Jacob had decided to have another child, or fostered three children, some things were just constant.</p><p>That was why Jacob had decided that he would foster a child anyways. He couldn’t shake the deeper calling he felt on the daily. It’s like there was a kid out there with heartstrings connected to his own heart. Pulling closer to him from a distance.</p><p>Even now, with the slammed doors, the tears, the yelling. Jacob still felt that pull as much as ever. It had to be what he was meant to do. Yet it didn’t make anything easier.</p><p>Jacob consoled himself at the moment by checking Haknyeon’s schedule. Seeing the list of things he had to do actually kept him grounded and soothed the ache of the harshly thrown insults he had just suffered.</p><p>“Therapy is at five tonight.” Hana reminded him as she entered the kitchen.</p><p>Jacob nodded as he looked over Haknyeon’s schedule taped on the fridge.</p><p>“Don’t take it too hard.” Hana hugged him from behind and rested her cheek against his shoulder. “It’s hard in the beginning.”</p><p>Jacob nodded but he couldn’t help but think that it had already been two months.</p><p>Hyunjae just wasn’t clicking with them. As much as they tried to cater to his needs, Hyunjae was strongly opposed to living with them. He was stubborn and defiant and many times just plain angry.</p><p>So many nights Jacob had sat up for hours, unable to request for removal but wondering if it was really best. It felt like torture for all of them, trying to keep Hyunjae there.</p><p>Jacob had already had to track him down twice since he decided running away was a good idea. Overall, it was just hard.</p><p>Jacob wandered into Haknyeon’s room after a moment of contemplation.</p><p>“Want me to take him this time?” Jacob asked, leaning his shoulder against the doorway.</p><p>“It’s okay. I’ll take him.” Hana smiled.</p><p>She tried to put a sweater on Haknyeon but as soon as his arms went through the sleeves, he wriggled back out just as fast.</p><p>“I don’t like it.” Haknyeon rubbed his hands over his arms where the sweater had touched. Hana just nodded and put the sweater back in the bag. She had bought some clothes the day before but needed Haknyeon to test them out.</p><p>He was too sensitive to something about the material of the sweater so it went in the veto pile. The next sweater was okay so he kept it on for going to therapy.</p><p>“I made a new friend at school today daddy.” Haknyeon informed him while Hana slipped on his Velcro shoes.</p><p>“You did?” Jacob smiled. “That’s great. What is their name?”</p><p>“Uh…” Haknyeon crouched down and pushed Hana’s hand away so he could pull his Velcro straps on and off.</p><p>Jacob waited. It was no use trying to redirect him when he was stimming.</p><p>“Dinner is all ready. Just needs to be heated up.” Hana told him as she packed the clothes Haknyeon wouldn’t wear back in the bag to return.</p><p>“Thanks.” Jacob smiled at her as she sat and waited for Haknyeon to be done with his Velcro straps. He almost always had to yank them on and off a few times when he put his shoes on. They had tried to switch to laces but he stubbornly refused.</p><p>“Okay, time to go.” Hana stood up when Haknyeon stopped and straightened.</p><p>Jacob crouched down, expecting his kisses. It was one of the routines Haknyeon always did before he went out.</p><p>“Bye bye daddy.” Haknyeon kissed his hand and lightly pressed the kiss to Jacob’s heart, his pocket, and then his lips. One for his heart, one to save, and one right now.</p><p>“Have fun.” Jacob kissed his forehead lightly in return.</p><p>Having a kid on the spectrum meant routines were a major thing. Not even just hourly schedules all the time. Things as simple as Haknyeon always washing his hands twice had become a habit or routine that he <em>had</em> to do.</p><p>When Haknyeon and Hana had left, Jacob tackled his biggest obstacle.</p><p>He knocked on the door at the end of the hall. Per the usual, he had to knock again and was given no response. After deciding he had waited a fair amount of time, he opened the door slowly.</p><p>Hyunjae was on his bed, listening to music with headphones on. He frowned at Jacob when he poked his head in.</p><p>“Wanna watch a movie or something?” Jacob asked. “I’ll get dinner ready.”</p><p>Sometimes Jacob thought it was really pathetic how hard he tried just to get so little in return. Was there something so wrong about his approach?</p><p>Over and over people had told him he needed to have a firm hand. Lay down the law. He just couldn’t.</p><p>It had never been his personality. His parenting strength was being gentle and understanding. Maybe it just didn’t match with Hyunjae.</p><p>“Am I going with my mom tomorrow?” Hyunjae ignored his first question, yanking his earbuds out of his ears.</p><p>“Um yeah. Around lunch time.” Jacob nodded.</p><p>“Great.” Hyunjae said, not so discreet about his dislike of his living situation.</p><p>Jacob couldn’t help but worry about Hyunjae and his mother. She was volatile, always in some kind of trouble, a bit like Hyunjae. She had missed more meetings than attended and her excuses were sometimes troubling.</p><p>Sometimes Jacob wondered why she continued trying to win Hyunjae back after he had been hopping around homes for so long. She couldn’t seem to meet the criteria no matter how long she had to get her act together.</p><p>“You don’t have to sit with me, but at least come and eat something.” Jacob told him before retreating and closing the door.</p><p>He had imagined himself bursting in and demanding Hyunjae to do things many times but it never played out like in his mind.</p><p>Hyunjae came out of his room almost half an hour and sat at the table to eat dinner. Jacob sat with him in silence. He knew Hyunjae would open up if he wanted. Pushing him would only have him pulling away more.</p><p>For a ten-year-old, Hyunjae acted awfully old sometimes. Jacob thought it was a defense mechanism. He had to act older than he was for so long it was just the default.</p><p>His biological mother had him taken out of her care for neglect. It wasn’t a pretty scene and it carried over into how Hyunjae was with Jacob and the rest of the family. He wanted to be independent to the bitter end and it was hard to break through.</p><p>Jacob sometimes marveled at how stoic and cold Hyunjae could be. Yet at other times, he could only see a boy so deeply hurt he was trying to keep his protective walls up as best he could.</p><p>It was obvious at some of their visits that Hyunjae was torn between his emotions and how he was supposed to look on the outside. Especially when his mother didn’t even show. That always hurt the most.</p><p>Jacob bit his lip while waiting for Hyunjae’s mother on the weekend. She was missing as was too common.</p><p>Hyunjae kicked at the dirt while they waited. He was glaring at the ground as if it would give something to him if he stared at it long enough.</p><p>“I’m sorry Hyunjae.” Jacob said quietly.</p><p>“Why are you apologizing?” Hyunjae scoffed. “It’s her fault she jacked off the night before and is probably too hungover to think right now.”</p><p>Jacob winced at the grim mental image. It was too close to the reality but it was still unwelcome.</p><p>“What should we do instead?” Jacob asked.</p><p>“We’re not going home?” Hyunjae frowned further.</p><p>“We could. But we have time to kill now. We could do something.” Jacob shrugged.</p><p>Hyunjae thought for a bit.</p><p>“Could we go to the music store by school?” he asked.</p><p>“Uh yeah.” Jacob was surprised but he quickly agreed.</p><p>He knew Hyunjae liked music. He almost always had his earbuds in. He was glad Hyunjae had actually said what he wanted instead of feigning apathy like usual.</p><p>It was the first time Jacob had seen Hyunjae so unreservedly happy before. He looked through the shelves of CDs with interest, his face clear and open. Jacob trailed at a distance but he could still hear him humming softly to himself.</p><p>After almost half an hour, Hyunjae came back to Jacob. He shoved his hands in his pockets and shrugged one shoulder.</p><p>“Ready to go?” he asked.</p><p>“You’re not going to buy anything?” Jacob smiled and tilted his head.</p><p>“I don’t have any money.” Hyunjae replied sheepishly.</p><p>“I’m buying.” Jacob nudged his shoulder. “Pick out one you like.”</p><p>Hyunjae looked at him seriously. His eyes searched Jacob’s face for something. He wasn’t sure. But Hyunjae smiled slightly and turned to pick something out.</p><p>It made Jacob so happy to hand Hyunjae the CD after he had paid for it and be rewarded with a happy smile.</p><p>When they got home, Hyunjae headed straight to his room. But this time it was in excitement to play his new CD. Jacob grinned and headed into the living room.</p><p>“Daddy’s home!” Hana told Haknyeon.</p><p>He was sitting on the couch, watching the TV wide with eyes. He didn’t turn to look at Jacob, just lifted an apple slice to his mouth.</p><p>“He loves this show.” Hana smiled as she turned her cheek to receive a kiss.</p><p>“His newest obsession?” Jacob whispered.</p><p>“Probably.” Hana shrugged.</p><p>“What are you working on?” Jacob crouched next to where she sat at the computer.</p><p>“Just doing some designs. What do you think?” she pointed at the screen.</p><p>“So beautiful.” Jacob leaned his head against the side of her arm.</p><p>Hana had chosen to design her clothes from home. Jacob and her had decided that her staying home for Haknyeon was best. Jacob always encouraged her to do whatever she wanted but she argued that she could do anything she set her mind to while still staying at home.</p><p>“She didn’t show up again today?” Hana rested her hand on his head.</p><p>“No.” Jacob sighed. “But I think I won some trust points with Hyunjae today.”</p><p>“I’m so glad.” Hana shifted her hand to rub his back.</p><p>“Weren’t you going out with friends tonight?” Jacob asked.</p><p>“Yeah, I have to go get ready.” she nodded. “You’re on Haknyeon duty tonight.”</p><p>“I guess we both get to have fun tonight.” Jacob teased, standing up and pressing one more kiss to the top of her head.</p><p>The evening started out fun. Jacob and Haknyeon had a pajama party while watching his new favorite show. When Haknyeon liked something, he could invest hours in it. His attention span was truly endless.</p><p>That meant that it was hard to stop sometimes. When Jacob turned the show off he could practically see storm clouds gathering over Haknyeon’s head.</p><p>“I want to watch another episode.” he said firmly.</p><p>“It’s time for bed now.” Jacob replied.</p><p>“I want to watch!” Haknyeon raised his voice.</p><p>“Tomorrow.” Jacob promised. “We watched enough today.”</p><p>It quickly spiraled into a meltdown. It barely phased Jacob. He was used to Haknyeon throwing a fit when he didn’t get what he wanted.</p><p>“Okay no. We’re not doing this tonight.” Jacob murmured to himself as he lifted Haknyeon into his arms. Haknyeon screamed in his ear and he gritted his teeth.</p><p>Jacob had learned that some tantrums were best shut down by plowing ahead full steam. He set about changing getting him ready for bed in the midst of his meltdown.</p><p>When Haknyeon paused for a moment, Jacob looked him directly in the eyes.</p><p>“We’re done now.” he told him firmly. “You cried about it but it’s over now. It’s time for bed now.”</p><p>Haknyeon wiped his eyes and pouted. He crossed his arms when Jacob tried to lift him into bed.</p><p>“Time for bed.” Jacob showed Haknyeon the clock.</p><p>As expected, Haknyeon saw the time and slipped back into his routine. He crawled into bed and made sure his animals were organized beside him.</p><p>Jacob turned on his nightlight and grabbed an extra blanket to put on his bed since it was getting cold.</p><p>He leaned down to kiss Haknyeon but he pressed his hands to Jacob’s chest, stopping him. He could hold a serious grudge sometimes.</p><p>Jacob raised his eyebrow almost like a warning and waited for him to put his hands down. When he did, Jacob pressed a kiss to his forehead.</p><p>“Goodnight. I love you.” he murmured.</p><p>“Love you too.” Haknyeon whispered back.</p><p>Jacob tapped his nose and then left the room. When he peeked in Hyunjae’s room he was happy to see him listening to his music softly. Jacob decided against telling him to go to bed. He could have his enjoyment.</p><p>On the weekend, Jacob took Haknyeon with him shopping. They did a little bit of grocery shopping and a little bit of shopping for other random necessities.</p><p>There were long lines at the checkout and Haknyeon was getting a little restless. When Jacob got to paying, Haknyeon focused on the rack of candies next to the register. He began to count them in order.</p><p>Jacob glanced over at him but didn’t pay him much attention as he collected his groceries and paid. But when he tried to move on, Haknyeon didn’t follow him.</p><p>“Let’s go Hak.” He said, waiting for Haknyeon to follow. His call fell on deaf ears. Jacob realized he was fixated on counting the items.</p><p>“Haknyeon.” Jacob noticed he was holding up the line behind them by standing in the way. “I said it’s time to go.”</p><p>Haknyeon didn’t stop counting, lost in his own world as Jacob tried to get through to him.</p><p>“Haknyeon, we have to move.” Jacob said, trying to make his voice a little louder.</p><p>As soon as he finished counting, he started over again.</p><p>“Haknyeon.” Jacob touched his arm but he shrugged away from the touch and kept going.</p><p>“Move your kid.” a man said rudely.</p><p>“I-I’m sorry.” Jacob didn’t really know what to do. If he pulled Haknyeon away forcefully, he may have a meltdown.</p><p>“Five, six, seven, eight…” Haknyeon continued.</p><p>“Haknyeon…” Jacob bit his lip. “It’s time to go. We have to move.”</p><p>“Get him out of the way!” the people waiting were far from patient.</p><p>Jacob gritted his teeth and grabbed Haknyeon’s arm as gently as possible and began to lead him away.</p><p>“Fourteen, fifteen- hey!” as expected, Haknyeon glared at Jacob.</p><p>“We have to go now.” Jacob gave him his best smile and started pulling him away.</p><p>Haknyeon resisted and Jacob felt a rising sense of panic. He tried to pull Haknyeon forward but he planted his feet.</p><p>“Time to go home.” Jacob reminded him. Haknyeon looked torn, still resisting Jacob trying to draw him away.</p><p>“Please sweetheart.” Jacob pleaded with him. He was aware of many eyes on him.</p><p>“No!” Haknyeon decided he was putting up a fight and he sat down right there on the floor. Jacob couldn’t give up either so he tried to pull him back to his feet.</p><p>It was obviously stressful because Haknyeon switched to another form of stimming. He bumped the side of his closed fist against the side of his head repeatedly while trying to shy away from Jacob.</p><p>“Don’t make a scene. There’s something wrong with the kid.” a woman said and Jacob heard it.</p><p>“He’s not parented well, that’s what.” the angry man scoffed.</p><p>“No, there’s something wrong. Look at how he’s acting.” the woman persisted.</p><p>Jacob took a risk and just lifted Haknyeon into his arms. Luckily, Haknyeon didn’t scream or cry, he just hummed to himself and kept bumping his fist against his head. Jacob was able to carry him out of the store and to the car without him throwing an utter tantrum.</p><p>Once they were at the car, Jacob had time and space to address Haknyeon’s needs.</p><p>“Do you want squishes?” Jacob asked, reaching for the carry bag they kept in the car with things Haknyeon might need.</p><p>Haknyeon nodded jerkily, still humming to himself.</p><p>Juyeon gently took his arms and applied firm but still gentle pressure against his pressure points. He loved arm squeezes and sometimes pressure against his head. Jacob placed the heels of his palms against his forehead and back of his head and pressed.</p><p>Haknyeon actually wasn’t freaking out. He was stimming to fill the need and balance himself in a stressful situation. Jacob wanted to help him with that.</p><p>He placed a squishy toy in Haknyeon’s hand which he started squeezing. Slowly he began to calm down. The goal wasn’t necessarily to stop him from stimming. That would be harmful. It was to help him have the space to do so and be stimulated as needed.</p><p>“Good job Hak.” Jacob encouraged him.</p><p>Haknyeon kept his eyes on Jacob as he wound down. He relaxed back against his carseat and let out a breath.</p><p>Jacob didn’t address what had happened right away. It wasn’t the time. Honestly, he wouldn’t bring it up at all. Some people would say it was wrong, but Jacob didn’t have the heart to talk to Haknyeon as he was at the moment.</p><p>He just gave him squeezes and murmured words of encouragement.</p><p>Jacob bit his lip until the blood drained from it as they drove home. He couldn’t get the woman’s words out of his head.</p><p><em>There’s something wrong with the kid. </em>Jacob glanced at Haknyeon through his rearview mirror. He was tracing the planet stickers they had stuck on the window on his birthday.</p><p>“There’s nothing <em>wrong</em> with him.” Jacob whispered to himself.</p><p>Haknyeon wasn’t like other neurotypicals, but that didn’t make how he was <em>wrong.</em> Jacob was well aware of his disability and what it meant for him in his life. But he never saw Haknyeon as having something wrong with himself. His heart and soul and personality were separate from his disability.</p><p>Jacob felt hurt deep down. He was hurt by the callousness of those people. They hadn’t even considered Haknyeon may be struggling with something. Maybe the whole situation might have been averted if they had just let Haknyeon count the candies one more time.</p><p>Jacob felt like something was unresolved. Many times he had to stop Haknyeon from doing something, even if it meant a meltdown, but in public was different. It was harder to respond in the moment.</p><p>When they got home, Jacob still felt unsettled. Hana joined him in the kitchen as he stared down at his glass of water.</p><p>“Where are the groceries?” she asked, looking around.</p><p>“I… I accidentally left them at the store.” Jacob replied. Another weight settled in his chest when he realized he had just left everything there.</p><p>“Did something happen?” Hana asked.</p><p>Jacob just nodded, feeling terrible fragile for some reason. He sometimes felt so lost as a parent, especially when others commented as the strangers had at the store.</p><p>“Oh Jacob.” Hana knew without him having to say it. She wrapped her arms around him gently, burying her face against his chest.</p><p>“I probably took too long shopping.” he said.</p><p>“I’m sure you did fine.” Hana rubbed his back. “Do you need squeezes?”</p><p>It drew a laugh from Jacob and he squeezed her in his arms.</p><p>Their moment was interrupted by Jacob’s phone ringing.</p><p>“I have to take this.” He sighed and separated from her. “It’s probably the school.”</p><p>It wasn’t the school.</p><p>Jacob spent the next hour trying to tell Hyunjae as gently as possible that his mother had been arrested for driving under the influence. It truly broke his heart to have to tell Hyunjae. It was awful to see his expression go from shock to hurt to his familiar mask.</p><p>He stood up while Jacob was still talking and headed outside. Jacob shared a look with Hana. He wasn’t sure what to do in a situation like this.</p><p>He gave Hyunjae some time alone before he joined him outside on the back patio.</p><p>He sat down next to Hyunjae on the steps. Hyunjae turned his face away to hide his tears. It was so rare for Hyunjae to show his emotions. It meant he was really having a hard time.</p><p>“Leave me alone.” Hyunjae wiped roughly at his tears and turned his head away.</p><p>Jacob stayed.</p><p>Hyunjae sniffled and squeezed his arms closer to himself.</p><p>“Why is she so… stupid?” Hyunjae asked quietly after a moment.</p><p>Jacob took in a deep breath and let it out, not sure how to respond.</p><p>“She doesn’t even care.” Hyunjae sniffled. “How can she not care? It’s not even that hard!”</p><p>Jacob heart ached for the hurting boy beside him. The tough act he tried to keep up was only to hide how soft and sensitive his heart was. He wanted to be loved so badly but he struggled to let anyone in. He just kept chasing after the one person who kept letting him down.</p><p>“I’m so bad.”</p><p>Jacob frowned at the words Hyunjae uttered.</p><p>“Why are you bad?” he asked softly.</p><p>“Because… something’s just wrong with me.” Hyunjae whispered back, staring into the night listlessly. “I can’t figure it out…”</p><p>Jacob was confused. He wasn’t sure what Hyunjae meant.</p><p>“I don’t think anything is wrong with you.” Jacob shook his head.</p><p>“I’m just bad inside.” Hyunjae murmured and rested his chin on his arms that were looped over his knees.</p><p>Jacob considered his words for a moment.</p><p>“Aren’t we all a little bad inside?” he asked.</p><p>Hyunjae frowned slightly.</p><p>“It’s part of being human. And it’s something we all struggle with. But it doesn’t make you a bad person.” Jacob continued.</p><p>“Sometimes I want to be bad though.” Hyunjae looked at Jacob and then quickly looked away.</p><p>“How come?” Jacob rested his chin on his hand.</p><p>“I-I don’t know.” Hyunjae thought for a moment. “I just… it’s how I feel better.”</p><p>Jacob nodded slowly. He understood what Hyunjae couldn’t say. Doing bad things helped him find a release for his negative feelings and emotions. And ultimately, he was craving attention from those around him. What better way than to do something drastic?</p><p>“You’re not bad.” Jacob told him firmly.</p><p>He took a risk and placed his hand on Hyunjae’s back. He tensed slightly but didn’t draw away.</p><p>“I’m really sorry she did this.” Jacob said. “It’s not because of you. I promise.”</p><p>“But I’m not enough to keep her from doing it.” Hyunjae replied.</p><p>Jacob wasn’t really sure what to say.</p><p>Hyunjae stood up again and retreated to his room. Jacob buried his face in his hands. Why were things so hard?</p><p>It was like the universe kept sending punch after punch their way without giving a break. The next day Hyunjae brought home his report card.</p><p>Jacob opened Hyunjae’s report card a bit nervously. Hyunjae fidgeted while waiting for him to go through all of it. Jacob took his time, trying to read behind the scores and get a feel for what Hyunjae was thinking.</p><p>“Your highest grade is in science.” Jacob commented. “What do you like about science?”</p><p>Hyunjae stared at him for a moment before answering.</p><p>“Um… it’s not very hard. Mostly just learning about interesting things…” Hyunjae answered almost cautiously.</p><p>“Science is interesting to you?” Jacob focused on the positive first.</p><p>“I guess.” Hyunjae shrugged. “I like learning about the cells and organisms.”</p><p>“That’s great.” Jacob smiled. “What about… math? What do you not like about math?”</p><p>It was his lowest score. He was failing. He was failing three classes but math was the worst.</p><p>“It’s just so hard.” Hyunjae groaned. “The teacher goes too fast and I don’t understand what is happening half of the time. And it’s just so boring!”</p><p>“I see…” Jacob nodded. “Are you doing the homework?”</p><p>“Yes.” Hyunjae grumbled.</p><p>“Maybe I can help.” Jacob said. “Can I see the homework you’ve done?”</p><p>Internally, he reprimanded himself for not checking the grades Hyunjae got per each assignment, but he hadn’t known his performance would be this poor. He had to handle the situation carefully. If he freaked out over his grades then it would just turn Hyunjae away from him, and probably send his grades lower.</p><p>He had to think carefully. He wanted to know <em>why</em> Hyunjae was struggling.</p><p>Hyunjae pulled some wrinkled papers out of his bag and handed them to Jacob. He sat down at the table to look over them.</p><p>It was a little hard to tell, but it seemed like he had at least attempted a majority of the problems. Just by scanning his work, Jacob knew something was off.</p><p>“Sit down for a minute.” Jacob gestured for him to sit next to him.</p><p>Hyunjae let out a frustrated breath but did as he was told.</p><p>“Here you are learning about probability.” Jacob pointed to the page. “Why are you adding?”</p><p>“I don’t know.” Hyunjae grumbled. “That’s just what you’re supposed to do.”</p><p>Jacob slipped into teacher mode just a bit as he handed Hyunjae a pencil.</p><p>“Solve this for me.” he said after writing down a quick problem.</p><p>“This isn’t even for my homework.” Hyunjae crossed his arms.</p><p>“Alright then.” Jacob couldn’t be phased. “Pull your homework out.”</p><p>“Why do I have to?” Hyunjae challenged him. “You’re not my teacher.”</p><p>“Well, I will be until you get up to at least a B in the class.” Jacob laid out the rules. “If you have a hard time with the way your teacher is teaching you, then I will teach you my way.”</p><p>“I don’t want to.” Hyunjae resisted stubbornly.</p><p>“If you don’t work with me, then you’ll have to take all of these classes again.” Jacob warned. “Or, I can keep you after school to work with their tutors. You choose. Them or me?”</p><p>Hyunjae glared at him for a long moment before grabbing his pencil angrily.</p><p>“Fine.” he lay out his homework for the week so Jacob could go over it.</p><p>“I’ll tell you what.” Jacob decided to make Hyunjae a deal. “If you work with me for just one hour after dinner time during the weekdays, I will take you to the music store and you can pick out something that you like to buy.”</p><p>Hyunjae studied his face, the offer intriguing to him.</p><p>“Really?” he asked.</p><p>“Yes. But you have to put in the effort during the hour.” Jacob stated his condition.</p><p>It was a bit of a tenuous deal, but Hyunjae agreed.</p><p>That night, Jacob stayed up past midnight at the kitchen table with all of Hyunjae’s books and papers spread out around him.</p><p>Hana found him there when she left Haknyeon’s room.</p><p>“What are you doing up so late?” she asked, coming to stand next to him.</p><p>Jacob just handed her Hyunjae’s report card.</p><p>“Oh…” she winced.</p><p>“I’ll tutor him in the three subjects he’s failing in and hopefully get him to work on the other ones on his own.” Jacob explained. “If not then I’ll just have to get him through them all.”</p><p>“Don’t work yourself too hard.” Hana leaned down and kissed his temple. “You’re doing so much already.”</p><p>Jacob just hummed and shuffled through some of his papers. Surely it couldn’t be that hard considering he was already a teacher and he was familiar with most, if not all of the material Hyunjae was learning.</p><p>It was hard.</p><p>Hyunjae made it hard. Only because he wouldn’t focus no matter how much Jacob tried to force him to. Honestly, Hyunjae wasn’t a bad student if he was motivated. They whizzed through the first few subjects easily but hit a solid wall with math.</p><p>“It’s not addition.” Jacob stopped Hyunjae again. “With probability we are finding a potential outcome.”</p><p>“I don’t understand!” Hyunjae groaned and let his forehead fall forward to rest against the table.</p><p>Jacob had tried teaching him every way he knew but nothing seemed to stick.</p><p>“We’ll try something easy.” Jacob changed tactics again. “Try to solve this just in your mind.”</p><p>Hyunjae heard the scenario and stared at him blankly.</p><p>“Um… four?” he said half-heartedly.</p><p>“No…” Jacob frowned. “Try again. Count backwards.”</p><p>“It’s too many numbers to count backwards!” Hyunjae exclaimed and gritted his teeth angrily. “Seven!”</p><p>“You can’t just guess.” Jacob shook his head. “You have to try.”</p><p>“I am trying!” Hyunjae stood up, his chair scraping against the floor. “I’m done! This is so stupid!”</p><p>Jacob felt a sense of defeat settle over him as Hyunjae stalked away to his room. He slammed the door to let Jacob know he was angry.</p><p>“Ow.” Haknyeon spoke up from the living room, covering his ears against the loud noise.</p><p>Jacob sighed and got up to go sit by him.</p><p>“Why is he so angry?” Haknyeon asked, his gaze focused on the toys in front of him.</p><p>“I’m not sure Hak…” Jacob ran his hand over his face.</p><p>It would make sense that Hyunjae was angry over having to do it. But he seemed to be angry that Jacob would call him out for not trying. But he wasn’t trying.</p><p>It was obvious he wasn’t trying because he was giving random guesses and couldn’t perform the most basic math functions. Jacob was at a loss.</p><p>“Tonight is movie night.” Haknyeon told Jacob. “Is Hyunjae going to sit with us?”</p><p>“Maybe he will.” Jacob murmured. “If he isn’t so fiery still.”</p><p>“Fiery?” Haknyeon frowned.</p><p>“Yep. He has a hot temper right now. He needs to cool down.” Jacob nodded.</p><p>“We can cool him down?” Haknyeon was a bit confused. “Maybe he needs cold water.”</p><p>“I don’t mean he’s actually hot.” Jacob smiled. “Just a phrase… he’s a little angry right now.”</p><p>Jacob often used metaphors or figures of speech that Haknyeon had a hard time understanding. It was harder for children with autism to not take things literally. Sometimes even jokes were taken far too seriously. Jacob tried to be conscientious and not use them, or try to explain if he did.</p><p>Haknyeon’s misunderstanding set off a lightbulb in Jacob’s head. Figuratively of course.</p><p>“Maybe he really doesn’t understand…” Jacob said out loud.</p><p>Haknyeon looked at him, his confusion growing by the second.</p><p>Jacob stood up and headed straight for Hyunjae’s room. His mind churned furiously as he knocked on his door.</p><p>“I already did an hour. I’m done.” Hyunjae said with a touch of frustration when he came in.</p><p>“I have a different question to ask.” Jacob shook his head. He pulled Hyunjae’s desk chair closer to his bed and sat across from him.</p><p>“I want you to count backwards for me but in halves.” Jacob said.</p><p>“What?” Hyunjae frowned. “I don’t want to do more math.”</p><p>“It’s not homework.” Jacob waved his hand in the air. “This is for an experiment.”</p><p>Hyunjae frowned but began to count backwards. Almost immediately, he struggled and mixed up his numbers. He blushed and crossed his arms again when Jacob smiled at him. He felt embarrassed.</p><p>“Try to calculate this.” Jacob gave him a mental math problem.</p><p>To Hyunjae’s annoyance, Jacob smiled again when he stumbled over the steps of solving it in his head.</p><p>“It’s not funny!” he snapped. “You’re making it too hard!”</p><p>“No, no!” Jacob stopped him. “I think I figured out your problem!”</p><p>Hyunjae looked skeptical.</p><p>“You are trying.” Jacob affirmed him. “And you’re doing very well for how hard you’re trying, but there is something else that isn’t clicking.”</p><p>“What then?” Hyunjae asked.</p><p>“One of my students had what I think you have.” Jacob explained. “They really struggled with math and had for a long time. They call it dyscalculia.”</p><p>“What?” Hyunjae frowned.</p><p>“Essentially it’s a learning disability that revolved around numbers. Like dyslexia but for math.” Jacob answered. “It’s harder for you than others to understand math.”</p><p>“Well that’s not very helpful.” Hyunjae said angrily. “I do have a problem!”</p><p>“But now that we know what it is, we can fix it!” Jacob tried to look on the positive side.</p><p>“More like I’m doomed to fail in math.” Hyunjae sunk in on himself. “I’ll never be able to get better.”</p><p>“Hey.” Jacob leaned forward to look at him. “In my house, having a disability doesn’t mean you’re any less than anyone else. Even if you can’t do things the same way, or at all, you have the exact same value. Don’t count yourself out. We can figure out another way.”</p><p>Hyunjae stared back at Jacob for a long time. His expression was hard to read.</p><p>Haknyeon was the one who interrupted them to inform them it was movie time.</p><p>Jacob was glad to see Hyunjae joined them. He sat on the far end of the couch and pulled a blanket over himself. Haknyeon joined him after a bit. It made Jacob happy to see him snuggled up to Hyunjae. The older boy put his arm around Haknyeon.</p><p>Haknyeon decided he didn’t like the blanket and kicked it off. Hyunjae just smiled slightly. Jacob smiled to himself. It was good.</p><p>Jacob followed through with his theory. He had Hyunjae be tested at school and sure enough he had all the signs of dyscalculia. He continued to tutor him after school using alternative methods than just worksheets and repetitive problems. Some days were hard but mostly it went well.</p><p>Working with Hyunjae did something unique that Jacob hadn’t expected. Bit by bit, Hyunjae became more comfortable with Jacob. He spoke a little more openly and didn’t hide himself away as much.</p><p>He was opening slowly. Bit by bit. Step by step. Jacob took each step as a new victory. They went day by day. It was slow but it was steady and Jacob cherished every moment of it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Another quick note: I work with kids all over the autistic spectrum. Every child is very very different! My portrayal of Haknyeon is from bits and pieces of habits and behaviors that many of my kids have or do. Keep in mind that every person is different! Everyone is unique and loved and so so important! Also I try to keep my language neutral since I don't want to accidentally communicate either side of the extremes. People with disabilities are capable beyond what many people believe they can be. Yet there also has to be space to understand they do have limitations that can be hard to overcome. There has to be a good balance! At the end of the day, we are all human! We are all so important and loved!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Sangyeon</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi there! I decided to shift my posting schedule from every other day, to every two days! So every third day I will update! This chapter was super fun! I definitely played up one relationship hehe cuz I was in a mood. ^^ Also this is inspired by Sangyeon's Boylog with his nephews! It was so adorable and he gave off such precious dad vibes it made me so soft! I hope this chapter is super soft as well!</p><p>TW: PTSD (mentioned)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sangyeon had a vision for as long as he could remember. He had freshly come out of college with a human services and sociology degree and immediately got to work. He saw the need in the group homes in the area and wanted to fill it. He immediately applied to a group home for boys with behavioral struggles.</p><p>But it was much harder than he had expected. It took a full year just to get used to how chaotic things could be. Helping others was a hard job but he loved it.</p><p>He loved working with the boys there so much that he decided he didn’t want to wait any longer to be a father. That’s how he ended up adopting two little boys, one after another.</p><p>Chanhee came first. He was hours of research and preparing just for Sangyeon to be eligible to adopt him. Sangyeon was absolutely ecstatic to adopt him into his household. He showered the little boy with so much love and affection that by the end of the first month, he was calling Sangyeon “dad”.</p><p>Sangyeon’s next addition was Younghoon. Both boys were young. Not exactly what Sangyeon had expected but he loved it. Soon they were both thriving in the home.</p><p>Sangyeon had always been an overachiever. He was prepared to do anything set in front of him, but he had underestimated how hard it would be to work and have kids. Since Chanhee and Younghoon joined his small family, he realized how much work just one kid took.</p><p>He was their guardian. He loved it, but it also came with a lot of responsibility. Chanhee was energetic and generally happy. He was four years old but wanted all the privileges of a grown up. He wanted to try everything and anything, meaning that Sangyeon was running around keeping him out of trouble.</p><p>Younghoon on the other hand was the opposite. He was timid and shy and definitely not adventurous. He was also deeply hurt.</p><p>Sangyeon had to be so gentle with him it was sometimes almost painful to see how fragile he was. The first week since he was adopted, Sangyeon hardly got any sleep. Younghoon refused to fall asleep.</p><p>He scared Sangyeon more than once by getting out of his bed and just standing somewhere, like the living room or kitchen. Sangyeon had to get up and check on him once an hour to guide him back to his bed in the times that he did wake up.</p><p>He had Chanhee and Sangyeon in the same room but eventually had to separate them because Chanhee was a light sleeper and was woken up often by Younghoon.</p><p>Sangyeon got out of bed midway into the second week and found Younghoon in the living room, per the usual. He was sitting in the window seat this time, washed in light from the full moon.</p><p>A stuffed animal was tucked under his arm but he was staring out the window.</p><p>Sangyeon approached cautiously, making his presence known by his heavy footsteps. Younghoon still looked startled for a moment before settling back down.</p><p>“Everyone’s asleep bud.” Sangyeon joined him on the window seat. “I think you should be too.”</p><p>Younghoon shook his head, eyes glued outside the window.</p><p>“What are you looking at?” Sangyeon glanced out the window.</p><p>“Watching for a bad guy.” Younghoon replied simply.</p><p>Sangyeon studied his face for a moment. His brown eyes framed by long lashes were so innocent but too fearful.</p><p>“There are no bad guys coming here.” Sangyeon assured him. “I promise.”</p><p>Younghoon looked skeptical so Sangyeon stood and offered his hand. They had a little routine down now. Sangyeon would lead him through the house and they would check the locks. Then he would usually feel safe enough to go to bed.</p><p>Younghoon had PTSD and struggled with fear of a past traumatic event. Sometimes his fear manifested itself in unconventional or unexpected ways. One way was his reluctance to sleep. For two reasons really.</p><p>Firstly, because of the nightmares. And secondly because he didn’t feel safe laying down and sleeping. He wanted to be alert.</p><p>Sangyeon finished walking him through the house and brought him back to his bed. He lay down but his eyes were wide open. Sangyeon worried he would keep himself awake from sheer willpower.</p><p>His thumb drifted to his mouth and Sangyeon had a slight urge to pull it away but the thought vanished quickly. It was a self-soothing behavior that was a bit young for his age, but it was one of the ways he coped.</p><p>For a five-year-old, he had been through a lot. Sangyeon sat by his bed and gently stroked his hair back from his forehead until his eyes struggled to stay open. He wished he could erase Younghoon’s memories at the same time. Erase all the pain and fear and trauma.</p><p>Eventually he slipped off to sleep and Sangyeon returned to his own room, collapsing on the bed in exhaustion. All his dad duties were wearing him out.</p><p>Neither of the two boys were officially in school yet. Younghoon had started preschool but with shifting around in the year, had stopped attending his old school. He would be starting kindergarten next year since his birthday was kind of in between.</p><p>That meant Sangyeon had them all day. It was fun but it was also a lot of time to fill. Especially with one very rowdy boy, who was currently throwing food across the table.</p><p>“Woah!” Sangyeon caught his hand before he could throw another blueberry. “What’s one of our rules?”</p><p>Chanhee pouted but relented chucking his fruit at the wall. Sangyeon wasn’t sure the point of it but it definitely wasn’t to make his life easier. He crouched down and picked up the abandoned food.</p><p>He had slowly been building a list of rules. Many of which, Chanhee had brought to his attention. Such as, no picking all of the flowers in the yard, or the neighbor’s yards either. Or no painting on the hardwood floor. Or one of the most important, no stirring lemonade mix into the toilet bowl.</p><p>If Chanhee was out of sight for more than a few minutes, Sangyeon was worried. Younghoon on the other hand, he didn’t worry about as much. But he did worry about him getting flashbacks or having a meltdown.</p><p>This morning, Sangyeon was taking the two boys to the pet store. Only to look, not to buy. Surprisingly, they never asked for a pet, they just liked to look.</p><p>Sangyeon got them ready to go after breakfast. One of Sangyeon’s favorite things was to dress them up. Even just to go somewhere simple. It was secretly one of his favorite things to do. He often would get sidetracked in a store by the racks of cute clothes available.</p><p>Chanhee was a bit of a diva himself. He liked to wear matching colors most of all. That was why he was wearing a blue hat and blue shirt under his overalls. The only thing not matching were his light up shoes. Ever since Sangyeon had bought them for him, he had worn them just about every day.</p><p>Younghoon let Sangyeon dress him however he pleased but he specifically loved the color red. He never said it out loud but Sangyeon noticed.</p><p>He noticed a lot of things that went unsaid but he stored away in his Younghoon compartment. He continued to add to his collection until he began to understand him a little more. It’s not that he never spoke, it’s just that he was a child.</p><p>Traumatic things had happened to him as a child that he couldn’t really articulate. It wouldn’t do to just ask him outright so he had to gather bits and pieces.</p><p>At the pet store, Sangyeon kept a close eye on him. On both boys of course since he always had one eye on Chanhee. Younghoon was just so tired that day. Sangyeon caught him nodding off in the car. He had hoped he would fall asleep but unfortunately, he stubbornly forced himself awake.</p><p>He looked a little zoned out as he reached through the fence bars to pet the puppies. Sangyeon’s instincts screamed at him to scoop Younghoon up and rock him to sleep but he resisted.</p><p>He was distracted by Chanhee trying to hold a hamster which he definitely had to supervise.</p><p>Their time at the pet store was nice but it didn’t fill up much time in the day. When they got home it was only lunchtime.</p><p>Younghoon finally fell asleep still sitting in his chair, his sandwich somehow grasped in his hand. Sangyeon took it from him before it could fall and lifted him into his arms. Younghoon murmured lightly and tried to force himself awake again, but his body had reached its limit.</p><p>Sangyeon put him to bed, hoping he would sleep a long time with no nightmares to interrupt his deeply needed rest.</p><p>“I guess it’s just you and me for now.” Sangyeon tapped Chanhee’s nose as he cleared away Younghoon’s plate.</p><p>“Can we play the finding game?” Chanhee asked.</p><p>Sangyeon smiled. Chanhee loved to play hide and seek, though he could never remember the name of it.</p><p>“I’ll count.” Sangyeon smiled and nodded. “But you have to be quiet and not go in Younghoon’s room, okay?”</p><p>“Okay!” Chanhee hopped off of his chair and ran off with his sandwich in his mouth.</p><p>Sangyeon shook his head but grinned.</p><p>Chanhee wasn’t the best at hiding but Sangyeon pretended to be stumped to make it fun.</p><p>He caught Chanhee behind the curtains the first time.</p><p>The second time he actually hid pretty well. Sangyeon found him hidden in the closet of his bedroom.</p><p>He squealed when Sangyeon grabbed him up into a hug and pulled him out.</p><p>“Shh!” Sangyeon laughed. “Younghoon is sleeping!”</p><p>They were interrupted by a knock on the door.</p><p>“Someone knocked on the door.” Chanhee informed him.</p><p>“I know bud.” Sangyeon set him down and went to see who it was.</p><p>“Surprise!”</p><p>Juyeon was standing on his doorstep.</p><p>“Hey!” Sangyeon gave him a firm hug. “It’s cold, come in!”</p><p>“I brought the two little beans with me if it’s okay.” Juyeon gestured back to the car. “I wanted to stop by since it’s been a while. And introduce you to my new addition.”</p><p>“You’re always welcome!” Sangyeon slung his arm around Juyeon’s shoulders.</p><p>They had been friends for quite some time now. They met in college and, despite having vastly different careers, they shared the same desire to be dads.</p><p>They walked to Juyeon’s car, careful of the slippery driveway. It was cold all day now and the first snow had come.</p><p>“Hi Sunwoo!” Sangyeon waved at him when Juyeon opened the car door.</p><p>The little boy waved back excitedly, kicking his feet out in a rush to get unbuckled.</p><p>“Hi there little one.” Sangyeon spoke more gently to the boy in the carseat closest to him.</p><p>Juyeon hadn’t been lying when he said his new little boy was absolutely adorable. And somewhat small for his age.</p><p>He stared at Sangyeon with wide brown eyes, his arms wrapped around an elephant plushie. Juyeon grinned at them and then moved to unbuckle Kyu.</p><p>Sangyeon moved to the other side and let Sunwoo free. He hugged Sangyeon happily. Sunwoo had warmed up to Sangyeon quickly and now they were the best of friends.</p><p>“Don’t run!” Juyeon gasped as Sunwoo slipped and slid across the driveway towards the house.</p><p>Chanhee stood on the front porch, bouncing up and down excitedly. Sunwoo and Chanhee were just as much friends as Juyeon and Sangyeon.</p><p>“Do you want to wear your jacket or can we leave it in the car?” Juyeon lifted Kyu into his arms.</p><p>Once he was divested of his jacket, he cuddled against Juyeon, away from the cold and the possibly intimidating stranger that was Sangyeon. He tucked his face close to Juyeon’s neck and stole glances at Sangyeon.</p><p>“Looks like he’s quite attached already.” Sangyeon smiled.</p><p>Juyeon smiled proudly as they walked into the house.</p><p>“And Younghoon?” he asked in turn.</p><p>“He’s up and down, but always the sweetest.” Sangyeon answered. “Struggling a bit internally but. Nothing concerning behaviorally.”</p><p>“That’s good.” Juyeon nodded at him. “Hopefully he remembers me. I’ve only seen him once before.”</p><p>“Has it been that long?” Sangyeon gasped. “You need to come over more!”</p><p>He reached out and lightly pinched Juyeon’s arm. Kyu tilted his head like he was analyzing him. If Juyeon trusted Sangyeon, maybe he could too.</p><p>“Have dinner with us.” Sangyeon offered, toeing his shoes off in the doorway and hanging up Juyeon’s coat for him.</p><p>“Sounds good.” Juyeon turned a bit so Kyu was looking at Sangyeon. “Do you want to have dinner here Kyu? Sangyeon makes really yummy food!”</p><p>Kyu shyly hid his face behind his elephant, making both of them laugh.</p><p>They sat in the living room where Chanhee had already pulled out one of their toy bins. Sunwoo and him chattered happily as they played together.</p><p>Juyeon set Kyu down and tried to lightly nudge him towards the others, but he wrapped his arm around Juyeon’s leg, content to watch for the moment.</p><p>“Where is your other one?” Juyeon noticed Younghoon was missing.</p><p>“Sleeping.” Sangyeon replied. “We had some long nights in the past few weeks. Can I get you anything to drink?”</p><p>“I’m okay for now.” Juyeon declined.</p><p>“How about you little one?” Sangyeon asked Kyu. “Would you like water? Juice?”</p><p>Kyu stared back at him, frozen in place.</p><p>“He won’t talk to you because you’re a stranger!” Sunwoo piped up. “He doesn’t talk to any strangers.”</p><p>Juyeon chuckled under his breath and Sangyeon winked at Sunwoo.</p><p>“Thanks for letting me know.” he replied back.</p><p>“That’s weird.” Chanhee stated simply.</p><p>“Chanhee.” Sangyeon switched to his stern tone.</p><p>Chanhee had learned the word weird recently and liked to use it for anything interesting. It was always; this food is weird. His hair is weird. My finger feels weird.</p><p>“He is weird.” Sunwoo nodded his head in agreement. “But he’s my Kyu. I like his weird.”</p><p>Sangyeon and Juyeon shared a secret glance. Kids were so funny. Kyu didn’t seem offended by their comments.</p><p>“Oh. Looks like someone woke up.” Juyeon nodded his head towards the doorway.</p><p>Younghoon stood quietly, his hair a little rumpled from sleeping.</p><p>“Hi Hoon.” Sangyeon gestured him over. “Come here sweetheart.”</p><p>Younghoon approached shyly. He was a little disoriented by the strangers there.</p><p>“Looks like you had a good sleep.” Sangyeon traced a pillow crease line imprinted on his cheek.</p><p>Younghoon nodded, looking at Juyeon, Sunwoo, and Kyu in turn.</p><p>“These are my friends.” Sangyeon decided to introduce them as such. “This is Sunwoo, Juyeon, and Kyu.”</p><p>Younghoon waved back at Sunwoo, who waved at him first.</p><p>“Kyu, do you like to draw?” Sangyeon asked even though he knew he may not get a response.</p><p>“You like to color, right Kyu?” Juyeon patted his head. “You like to use the different colors…”</p><p>“Younghoon likes to color too.” Sangyeon told him. “Do you want to color together?”</p><p>Younghoon nodded and went to retrieve paper and crayons.</p><p>Kyu still seemed awfully shy, but he sat on the floor next to Younghoon so they could draw on the coffee table.</p><p>“I think I could use a drink now.” Juyeon nodded towards the kitchen.</p><p>Sangyeon led the way to the kitchen. Juyeon leaned back against the counter while Sangyeon got a glass out.</p><p>“How is work?” Juyeon switched to a bit more of a serious topic since the kids were out of earshot.</p><p>“Honestly, not bad but we are so understaffed.” Sangyeon sighed. “I’m doing the work of three people and it can get really hectic.”</p><p>Juyeon winced in sympathy.</p><p>“Apple cider?” Sangyeon asked him.</p><p>“Yes please.” Juyeon nodded. “How are the boys holding up?”</p><p>“They have been such troopers.” Sangyeon replied. “We’ve had a few meltdowns, but usually they like being there.”</p><p>“And Younghoon? Is he starting to process some of the trauma?” Juyeon checked in.</p><p>“He’s healing bit by bit.” Sangyeon kept thing positive. “We’ve had a lot of therapy sessions. A lot.”</p><p>“Thanks.” Juyeon accepted his glass. “Glad to hear it.”</p><p>“How about your new one?” Sangyeon leaned against the counter next to him.</p><p>“We’re still working through visits.” Juyeon sighed. “We started therapy as well. Speech and language pathologist and psychologist. Trying to nip it in the bud.”</p><p>As if he knew, Kyu wandered into the kitchen, a little shyly.</p><p>“What is it honey?” Juyeon smiled down at him.</p><p>Kyu stared at Juyeon for a moment and then leaned against Juyeon’s legs. He wrapped one arm around Juyeon’s leg and the other around his elephant.</p><p>“We had a visit today so he’s a bit clingier right now.” Juyeon murmured to Sangyeon, petting the top of Kyu’s head.</p><p>“Ah…” Sangyeon nodded.</p><p>He observed Juyeon with Kyu silently for a moment. He was so gentle with Kyu but still didn’t baby him too much. He treated him just as he did Sunwoo. Something warm stirred in Sangyeon’s chest.</p><p>“Do you want to try?” Juyeon lowered his cup for Kyu to inspect. “I don’t know if you’ll like it. It’s like apple juice but stronger.”</p><p>Kyu held the cup a bit clumsily with his elephant under his arm and inspected the drink curiously. Juyeon lightly supported the bottom of the cup as he took a sip.</p><p>He made a face after drinking it that Sangyeon couldn’t quite figure out. Juyeon laughed from deep in his chest and took back his drink.</p><p>“How was it?” Juyeon asked.</p><p>Kyu blinked up at him and then at Sangyeon again.</p><p>“Can you tell me using your words?” Juyeon encouraged.</p><p>Kyu hid his face shyly against Juyeon’s legs again, making Sangyeon smile. Juyeon just shrugged.</p><p>When it was time for them to leave, Sangyeon walked them to their car.</p><p>“Come by again soon.” Sangyeon nudged Juyeon with his elbow lightly.</p><p>“If I can find time.” Juyeon grinned and buckled Sunwoo into his carseat.</p><p>“I mean it.” Sangyeon pointed his finger at him. “Don’t be a stranger.”</p><p>“I won’t.” Juyeon pulled him into a hug that Sangyeon leaned into. “Keep me updated on your babies in the meantime.”</p><p>“Same goes for you.” Sangyeon breathed out, pulling him close.</p><p>Juyeon pulled back and put his hand on the door of the car.</p><p>“Bye bye!” Sunwoo waved at him.</p><p>Sangyeon waved back and peeked his head in a little more to see Kyu.</p><p>“Bye Sunwoo! Bye Kyu!” he smiled. “See you later!”</p><p>The next day he got up early since he had an early day at the group home. He was a counselor and general organizer. The home ran activities and classes all day so he had to be on a schedule. That was why he was trying to rush the boys into getting ready.</p><p>“Time to go.” Sangyeon knocked on the open bedroom door.</p><p>“I can’t find my other shoe!” Chanhee yelled back, looking under the bed.</p><p>Sangyeon sighed and joined him in his search. He found it wedged in the corner of his closet. Not sure how it got there.</p><p>“Daddy?” Younghoon asked from the doorway.</p><p>“Mm hm.” he strapped Chanhee’s shoe on for him to hurry things up.</p><p>“I don’t feel good…” Younghoon replied.</p><p>The words no parent wanted to hear. Sangyeon turned his attention to him.</p><p>“What kind of not feeling good?” he asked.</p><p>“My tummy.” Younghoon patted his tummy.</p><p>Sangyeon winced. He didn’t have time to switch into doctor mode.</p><p>“Did you eat breakfast?” he asked.</p><p>“No…” Younghoon replied.</p><p>“That’s probably it.” Sangyeon herded the two of them downstairs and grabbed a banana and a granola bar. “Eat these in the car.”</p><p>He helped the two boys into their fluffy warm coats and mittens and fit their hats over their ears.</p><p>“My cute little muffins.” he laughed and hugged them close for a moment.</p><p>He found them particularly cute with their pink cheeks and noses, though Chanhee got a bit sniffly.</p><p>He cranked up the heater in the common room when they arrived. He settled them in quickly and then got to his work. The two of them were honestly great at entertaining themselves when they didn’t have a class or activity to take part in.</p><p>Sangyeon didn’t have anyone to watch them while he worked but it was perfect. He was able to bring them to the home and they spent their time there as if it was their second home.</p><p>They often got to participate in activities or classes and they had quickly stolen the hearts of almost everyone there. Sangyeon wasn’t as worried about them as he had been in the beginning.</p><p>Yet again, Sangyeon was hit with just how understaffed the group home was as he did his rounds. He needed at least two more helpers but he didn’t know where to find them. Few people wanted to work with kids who were especially hard.</p><p>It did make the days fly though. Sangyeon was so busy that he barely had time to be aware of the time speeding by.</p><p>He didn’t even realize it was past his time to leave until one of the other workers reminded him that Chanhee and Younghoon were there.</p><p>When he had finished up, he went to the art room where Chanhee and Younghoon were.</p><p>“Daddy! Look what I did!” Chanhee waved him over to his table.</p><p>“Oh wow, that is very nice.” Sangyeon appreciated his painting of a cat. At least he thought it was a cat. “Where’s Hoon?”</p><p>“He’s over there.” Chanhee pointed to the couch.</p><p>Younghoon was curled up on the couch with a blanket draped over him.</p><p>Sangyeon sat next to Chanhee and put his arm around his waist as he continued drawing.</p><p>“I’m sorry.” he murmured.</p><p>He didn’t think it was fair to have the boys have to entertain themselves for the most part all day. He really needed help.</p><p>The drive home was quiet with Chanhee unusually quiet and Younghoon nodding off.</p><p>“Daddy?” Chanhee spoke up from the back seat.</p><p>“Mm hm.” Sangyeon hummed back.</p><p>“Why don’t we have a mommy?”</p><p>His question took Sangyeon by surprise. He wasn’t sure how to respond.</p><p>“Why do you ask?” Sangyeon looked at him in the rearview mirror.</p><p>“My friends at school all have mommies.” Chanhee replied. “Why don’t I have one?”</p><p>“Ah…” Sangyeon really didn’t know what to say. “I’ll tell you when we get home…”</p><p>Sangyeon experienced a whirlwind of thoughts as he drove the rest of the way home. He didn’t know if he wanted to get into everything with Chanhee. Should he talk about him being adopted? Should he only talk about himself? How much could he process?</p><p>He hoped Chanhee would forget about it, but he brought it up again when Sangyeon tucked him into bed.</p><p>“You didn’t tell me the story of my mommy.” Chanhee piped up when Sangyeon leaned down to kiss him goodnight.</p><p>“Oh right…” Sangyeon murmured. He sat against the pillows and stretched his legs out.</p><p>Chanhee cuddled up to him easily.</p><p>“Do you remember your mommy?” Sangyeon asked tentatively.</p><p>“My old one?” Chanhee lay his head against Sangyeon’s chest.</p><p>“Yeah.” Sangyeon smiled slightly.</p><p>“A little bit. But she isn’t my mommy anymore.” Chanhee said matter of factly.</p><p>“Mm…” Sangyeon stroked his hand through his hair. “I adopted you since she couldn’t take care of you anymore.”</p><p>Chanhee nodded against him and tapped his fingers on Sangyeon’s stomach.</p><p>“Can you get a new one?” Chanhee asked.</p><p>Sangyeon smiled at how innocent he was.</p><p>“I could but…I haven’t found one yet.” Sangyeon replied. “I didn’t know how long I would have to wait so I decided to adopt you right away.”</p><p>“Do I get one?” Chanhee tilted his head up to Sangyeon hopefully.</p><p>“Maybe one day.” Sangyeon murmured, his heart breaking a little.</p><p>He ducked down and pressed a small kiss to Chanhee’s nose.</p><p>“Okay.” Chanhee pouted a little but accepted it.</p><p>Sangyeon stayed with Chanhee until he fell asleep. He carefully removed himself and went to his room after checking on Younghoon.</p><p>He stood in his dark room and bit his lip until it hurt. A familiar ache hurt his heart. He stood for a minute and then picked up his phone and fell back onto his bed.</p><p>He dialed a familiar number and pressed the phone to his ear.</p><p>“Hello?”</p><p>Juyeon picked up the call after a few rings.</p><p>“Hi.” Sangyeon suddenly felt silly calling.</p><p>“What’s up?” Juyeon asked.</p><p>“Just… wanted to know how your day was.” he ended up saying.</p><p>“Oh. It was good.” Juyeon replied. There was some background noise as he moved around the house. “A lot of appointments today so the boys conked out early.”</p><p>“That’s good.” Sangyeon said softly.</p><p>“So what’s on your mind?” Sangyeon could hear the smile behind Juyeon’s voice. He always knew when Sangyeon was overthinking.</p><p>“Chanhee just said something to me today that… caught me off guard.” Sangyeon covered his eyes with his arm.</p><p>“Kids do that.” Juyeon chuckled. “What did he say?”</p><p>“He just asked why I don’t have a wife.” Sangyeon snorted. It sounded comical now. “He wanted to know if he would get a mom soon.”</p><p>“Ah, the hardest question.” Juyeon replied. “What’s bothering you about it?”</p><p>“I guess…” Sangyeon sighed. “I know the importance of having two parents. It’s so important. And it’s the only thing that makes me second guess adopting.”</p><p>“I understand that.” Juyeon let out a long breath as well.</p><p>“I always worry that having one parent is disadvantaging them in some way.” Sangyeon continued. “Having a balance is important.”</p><p>“You’re right.” Juyeon affirmed him. “But you decided to adopt while knowing that you had set up a strong support system.”</p><p>“I did.” Sangyeon agreed.</p><p>“There are plenty of motherly figures in your boys’ life, right?” Juyeon asked.</p><p>“Yeah… but it’s not the same.” Sangyeon obsessed over it a little bit.</p><p>“I don’t know if it will make you feel better. But I think you did the right thing.” Juyeon told him. “You can’t force yourself into making that happen. And you’re doing everything possible to give your boys a full life. It’s a lot more than they had before.”</p><p>Sangyeon just hummed in agreement.</p><p>“It’s different but it doesn’t have to be bad.” Juyeon laughed lightly. “You told me that, remember?”</p><p>“Yeah.” Sangyeon smiled. “Thanks for reminding me.”</p><p>“Of course.” Juyeon replied. “I… what are you doing up bud?”</p><p>Sangyeon guessed one of the boys had gotten up from bed.</p><p>“You can sit with me for a little bit.” There was some rustling over the phone and Sangyeon smiled.</p><p>He could imagine Juyeon sitting on the couch with Sunwoo or Kyu laying on his chest.</p><p>“Sorry. Sunwoo is here with me.” Juyeon said.</p><p>“It’s okay.” Sangyeon replied softly. “I’ll let you go.”</p><p>“Actually… we can keep talking if you want.” Juyeon said. “It’s nice to talk.”</p><p>“Okay.” Sangyeon whispered, rolling onto his side in bed while keeping the phone against his ear.</p><p>They talked until Sangyeon fell asleep. It wasn’t the first time he had talked to Juyeon until he fell asleep.</p><p>Juyeon didn’t let himself dwell on his doubts over the next week. Instead he put all his effort into caring for his boys.</p><p>On the weekend, it was Juyeon that called him. It wasn’t good news.</p><p>Sangyeon asked his mom to come watch his two boys while he went to see Juyeon. It was late at night so she didn’t have to watch them much.</p><p>When he got to Juyeon’s house, he came out and joined him in the car. His own boys were asleep.</p><p>Sangyeon turned up the heater when he got in.</p><p>“So… I lost my job…” Juyeon told him hollowly.</p><p>“Juyeon…” Sangyeon wasn’t sure what to say.</p><p>“You don’t have to say anything.” It was like he read Sangyeon’s mind.</p><p>They sat in silence for a long moment.</p><p>Sangyeon slowly reached out and let his hand brush against Juyeon’s. It was just an option. There if he needed.</p><p>After another long moment, Juyeon linked their pinkies together gently.</p><p>“What am I supposed to do?” he whispered.</p><p>“I don’t know…” Sangyeon couldn’t answer for him.</p><p>“I’m just so worried this will affect Kyu.” he whispered back. “I couldn’t stop thinking about it all day.”</p><p>“They won’t take him away, will they?” Sangyeon looked at him.</p><p>“I don’t know.” Juyeon pressed his other hand over his eyes.</p><p>Sangyeon curled his pinky a little tighter around Juyeon’s.</p><p>“Why is this happening to me?” Juyeon whispered and it came out more broken than Sangyeon was expecting.</p><p>“You’ll be okay.” Sangyeon let go of his pinky and slid his whole hand into Juyeon’s.</p><p>Juyeon leaned his head back against the headrest and bit his lip. A minute later, his shoulders shook silently and a few tears slipped out past his hand. Sangyeon didn’t know what to do or how to comfort him.</p><p>He let him cry until he had worn himself out. He wiped his tears and pulled his hand away from Sangyeon.</p><p>“I’m sorry for being like this.” Juyeon brushed the sleeve of his sweater across his cheeks.</p><p>“Don’t be sorry.” Sangyeon shook his head.</p><p>“I should probably get back inside…” Juyeon said.</p><p>“Okay.” Sangyeon watched him open the car door with sad eyes. He hated to see Juyeon hurting.</p><p>“Thank you for talking to me.” Juyeon mustered up a smile for him. “I’ll see you later.”</p><p>He waved at Sangyeon, a sweater paw covering his hand. Sangyeon smiled back at nodded. He really thought Juyeon was too gentle for the world. It wasn’t fair what he had to go through.</p><p>Sangyeon sat in the car for a long time just thinking. He worried Juyeon was tearing himself apart inside. He knew how he was. He would overthink things until he was a mess.</p><p>It made Sangyeon get out of the car and go to his door, knocking lightly.</p><p>After a few moments, Juyeon opened the door.</p><p>“I knew you wouldn’t be okay.” Sangyeon said softly.</p><p>He stepped inside and hugged Juyeon who was crying again.</p><p>Sangyeon took his time calming Juyeon down. He let him cry everything out a second time and wiped his tears away for him.</p><p>When he left, he realized it was just natural for him to care for Juyeon. He never wanted him to be hurting. It made him think about his own boys. Maybe he was able to care for them better than he gave himself credit for. He had always had so much capacity to love and protect and comfort.</p><p>It was never a burden. He did it out of love. As he drove home, he thought about who he was and what he gave. It was kind of scary to accept sometimes, but he just loved so easily and so much. It was who he was.</p><p>When he got home he went into Chanhee and Younghoon’s room in turn to kiss them goodnight and whisper that he loved them.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I really have a problem since I don't think out my plot much in the future... But I want to try something fun and new! Also Jacob and his family are connected but I didn't put them in this chapter just yet! They will be very prominent in the future. And Kevin and Eric will come in chapter 6 of Shelter which I will pick up as soon as this one is done!</p><p>Lastly! I would love to hear your favorite characters! For fun! And bonus points if you can guess my bias hehe! (I double bias) Stay safe and healthy everyone! &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Juyeon</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi everyone! I'm finally back! I do have a reason for being gone! I wrote around 20k words for another story that I am excited to show you! I will post this one regularly again though so don't worry! I hope there are still some of you still around even though it's been a while! I was inspired to finish this chapter when I heard a song actually. I would love to share it if anyone wanted to check it out! It's so touching!</p><p>My Boy: Elvie Shane</p><p> </p><p>Also I feel like there should be some warning on this chapter but I don't really know what to tag so if there is something I missed, please just let me know! &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Visits were always… interesting. More interesting for Juyeon because he was a young single father. Biological parents sometimes had slight objections to Juyeon taking their kid. Not that they could do anything about it.</p><p>With Sunwoo, Juyeon had been yelled at during the first visit when he advised the birth mother how to interact with Sunwoo positively. She hated being told what to do by someone so young. He had learned to toughen up over the course of Sunwoo’s foster journey but it was still difficult in the moment.</p><p>Kyu’s mother was similar. She was doing just about everything wrong and getting angry when Juyeon asked her kindly to adjust to Kyu’s new schedule.</p><p>The second visit, she spent half of the visit on the porch since Juyeon had told her he didn’t allow smoking in the house. He wanted to explain to her about second hand smoke around the children but he chose to base it on his own preference. He didn’t want his house to smell like smoke. She accepted.</p><p>The fourth visit was with Kyu’s father. It was the most stressful visit Juyeon had sat through. It was painfully obvious the father was putting on a show. Kyu looked frightened half of the time. He cringed away from his father’s touches and jumped when he addressed him.</p><p>Juyeon bit his nails down to the bed watching the uncomfortable exchanges.</p><p>After the visit, Kyu followed Juyeon around the house silently but wouldn’t let Juyeon touch him. It was frustrating and Juyeon had to calm himself down over and over when he helped Kyu change into pajamas and saw the way he brushed his tiny fingers over the burn mark on his arm. Juyeon pressed a kiss to any of the visible marks, letting Kyu know it would be okay.</p><p>The fifth visit caused a lot of anxiety for Kyu. He cried twice earlier in the day. Once when Juyeon told him they would have a visit and again when the mailman knocked on the door. Juyeon wanted to call the visit off but he knew he couldn’t.</p><p>Luckily, it was just Kyu’s mother. Juyeon had to repeatedly separate Kyu from himself so they could interact when she arrived.</p><p>“Hi. Come on in.” Juyeon opened the door and motioned her in. She seemed sober but her eyes were bloodshot and she seemed a little shaky.</p><p>“Come say hi, Kyu.” Juyeon held his hand out to Kyu who stood by the couch.</p><p>He walked over and said hello. At least he spoke to his mother. He was silent with his father. She gave him an awkward pat on the back.</p><p>“I was hoping you had gotten rid of that by now.” Kyu’s mother said.</p><p>“What?” Juyeon was confused.</p><p>“This stupid thing.” she abruptly pulled Kyu’s elephant from his arms.</p><p>He let out a little gasp and reached for it but she held it too high.</p><p>Juyeon resisted the urge to snatch it back from her and return it to Kyu. Instead he put a comforting hand on Kyu’s shoulder.</p><p>“It’s a comfort item.” Juyeon explained. “Many children have them.”</p><p>“He just carries it around everywhere.” Kyu’s mother scoffed.</p><p>“Like I said…many children do.” Juyeon held his hand out and luckily, she returned the elephant. Kyu gripped it tightly when Juyeon handed it to him. He looked at his mother distrustfully as he cradled it close to his chest. Well, that wasn’t a great step in the right direction.</p><p>“Why don’t we move to our activity.” Juyeon tried to shift away from the moment as quickly as possible. “Kyu and I picked up some things at the store yesterday, right?”</p><p>Kyu nodded and ran to the living room coffee table.</p><p>He sat on the floor and his mother followed suit. Juyeon encouraged Kyu to explain what it was since he was comfortable speaking around her. He moved to the kitchen to give them some space.</p><p>“It’s a coloring book.” Kyu lifted the craft set. “I make my own. With markers and… stickers… and these…”</p><p>He frowned when he picked up the glittery markers.</p><p>“I like these.” he verbalized even though he didn’t quite know the name of them.</p><p>Juyeon smiled listening to his sweet voice. He thought the therapy sessions were going well. Kyu had started to verbalize his thoughts more often, even talking aloud to himself sometimes.</p><p>“We’ll save those for last then.” his mother set them down on the table. “Like, a reward or something.”</p><p>Juyeon had spoken to her about having special things be rewards for good behavior in their previous visits since she never seemed to reward Kyu. It was a little unnecessary in this situation but he wouldn’t intervene. She was trying.</p><p>Juyeon briefly checked on Sunwoo as they started the craft. He was content playing in his room for the time. He could come out if he wanted, but he also didn’t mind playing alone. He had lots of practice.</p><p>“Doing okay in here bud?” Juyeon opened the door and peeked his head inside.</p><p>“You have to knock!” Sunwoo whipped his head around. “This is my castle and you can’t come inside without my permission!”</p><p>“Okay, have fun.” Juyeon chuckled and closed the door again.</p><p>He returned to the kitchen, cleaning up while watching Kyu and his mother play.</p><p>It seemed like his mother was taking the whole glitter marker reward thing very seriously. Kyu kept looking at them longingly but not using them. But the self-control of a three-year-old was very slim.</p><p>When Kyu reached for one of the markers, his mom promptly slapped his hand. Juyeon’s head snapped up from where he was casually observing from the kitchen.</p><p>“I said don’t touch.” Kyu’s mother said sharply. “They’re for later.”</p><p>Juyeon couldn’t help but say something. He was strongly opposed to corporal punishment, especially in a situation like so. There was no need to hit Kyu.</p><p>“Um… maybe when you don’t want him to do something, you should give a verbal warning first.” Juyeon suggested to her.</p><p>It was always awkward to instruct or guide the parent. Especially when they were resistant. In this case, Juyeon was discounted already.</p><p>“I’m just teaching him the quick way.” his mom answered coldly. “No need for warnings.”</p><p>Kyu looked at Juyeon with uncertain eyes.</p><p>Juyeon had to bite back his harsh words. It also wasn’t fair to make Kyu wait for so long. The attention span of a young child was extremely limited. And with a lack of clear rules, Kyu didn’t know what was permitted or not.</p><p>Juyeon came and sat down across from them. He was hesitant to show much opposition to Kyu’s mother, but his protectiveness over Kyu won over all else. It was his job to model good parenting to Kyu’s mother.</p><p>“What do you want to play with?” Juyeon asked Kyu directly.</p><p>Kyu hesitantly pointed to the markers. His eyes flickered over his mother’s face nervously and he retracted his hand quickly to avoid another smack.</p><p>“Okay.” Juyeon nodded. He then addressed Kyu’s mother. “When can he start to use the markers?”</p><p>“In a minute.” his mother grumbled offhandedly.</p><p>“Okay then, one minute.” Juyeon returned to Kyu. “If you wait one minute than you can play with the markers.”</p><p>It was a bit tense but Juyeon hoped Kyu’s mother caught his hints. He wanted her to know how to give Kyu guidelines so he wasn’t punished for something he didn’t know he wasn’t supposed to do.</p><p>At the end of one minute, Juyeon moved the markers over to Kyu. The tense atmosphere was still there but Kyu was oblivious to it as he leaned over his craft.</p><p>Juyeon breathed a sigh of relief when the visit was over. Kyu didn’t seem to be as distressed as when he visited with his father, but he definitely wasn’t in the best mood afterwards.</p><p>“Do you want to play with Sunwoo?” Juyeon asked as Kyu followed him into the kitchen. Kyu shook his head.</p><p>“Can you tell me what you want?” Juyeon asked.</p><p>“I want to play with you.” Kyu mumbled and pointed up at him.</p><p>“With me?” Juyeon was a little surprised but Kyu nodded again.</p><p>Maybe he was searching for a parent’s presence but it hadn’t really been fulfilled by his mother.</p><p>“I’ll play with you.” Juyeon agreed and pet his head. “What do you want to play?”</p><p>Juyeon loved playing with Kyu. He wasn’t as rowdy as Sunwoo, but he had an active imagination. It was nice to watch Kyu be happy since he was often stoic or sorrowful looking.</p><p>Juyeon hoped that Kyu’s parents could step up and learn how to care for him. It really wasn’t hard since Kyu was such a good kid.</p><p>Unfortunately, the next week they had by far the worst visit so far. Both of Kyu’s parents were there. They went to a park and it was one of the first visits without Juyeon there. The social worker stayed but they would only be there for safety and to guide if needed.</p><p>When Juyeon returned, he was shocked to find Kyu sobbing. It was different than his usual sad cries. It was so despairing it sent a shiver down Juyeon’s spine.</p><p>The social worker was trying to calm him down but he was unreceptive.</p><p>“Hey… what’s going on?” Juyeon stepped in immediately, scooping Kyu up into his arms.</p><p>“I need to talk to the parents.” The social worker said quietly to him, grimacing.</p><p>            He knew something had happened by the slightly guilty look on Kyu’s parents’ faces where they stood to the side just watching.</p><p>            He crouched down and had Kyu stand in front of him.</p><p>            “What’s wrong honey?” Juyeon asked, wiping at his tears with his thumbs.</p><p>Kyu just choked on a cry and tried to hug Juyeon again. It was concerning to say the least. Juyeon didn’t want to think of all the things that could have gone wrong, but he needed to know why Kyu was so distressed.</p><p>“Hey… where’s your elephant?” Juyeon asked, realizing it was missing.</p><p>Kyu tearfully pointed to the trashcan on the side of the picnic area.</p><p>Juyeon snapped his gaze to Kyu’s father, fixing him with an unveiled glare. Throwing away his elephant toy was just too cruel.</p><p>“He’s not a baby anymore.” his father tried to justify himself. “He doesn’t need to be carrying around a toy.”</p><p>Juyeon lifted Kyu into his arms and walked to the trash can. He lifted the plushie out but held it away from Kyu.</p><p>“It’s dirty honey.” he murmured. “I’ll wash it when we get home and then you can have it. I promise.”</p><p>“Don’t give it back to him.” his father snapped. His mother stood to the side, looking thoroughly unamused.</p><p>“This isn’t something you can throw away.” Juyeon said firmly.</p><p>“I’m the parent.” Kyu’s father challenged. “I make the decisions, not you.”</p><p>“When I am with Kyu, it is my job to make sure unnecessary, extreme emotional distress isn’t put on him.” Juyeon responded back coldly. “I’m just doing my job.”</p><p>“Throwing away the toy doesn’t seem to be the best decision…” the social worker tried. But she was a little too passive at times.</p><p>“It’s a toy!” his dad shouted, making Kyu flinch in Juyeon’s arms.</p><p>“It is a toy.” Juyeon nodded sharply. “I would kindly ask you don’t find such offense in a simple toy.”</p><p>Kyu’s father couldn’t come up with anything else to say so Juyeon took the opportunity to leave. The social worker took over speaking to them. He carried Kyu to the car and strapped him into his carseat.</p><p>“I’ll give him back to you once he’s all clean.” Juyeon reassured Kyu as he set the elephant on the seat next to him.</p><p>Juyeon struggled to battle down the growing anger he felt as Kyu sniffled from time to time in the backseat. It felt impossible to try to work towards reunification in the current situation but Juyeon had to remember that his emotions were high in the moment.</p><p>When they got home, Kyu sat in front of the washing machine, watching his elephant get cleaned up. Luckily it was able to be machine washed and dried. Juyeon had a tense call with the social worker while he was occupied.</p><p>He felt worn out as the emotions drained from his body. Kyu looked worn out too.</p><p>Juyeon got a warm, damp washcloth and joined him in sitting on the floor of the laundry room. He gently took Kyu’s face in his hands and wiped his face with the washcloth. There was something soothing about washing your face after crying.</p><p>When he was done, Kyu leaned forward and lay his head on Juyeon’s knee. He was probably tired. It was nap time but Juyeon had to call the social worker first so now he was probably especially tired.</p><p>Juyeon carried Kyu to bed, singing to him softly to calm his bruised heart.</p><p>When Kyu was in bed, he looked up at Juyeon with red eyes.</p><p>“Daddy doesn’t like me.” he whispered.</p><p>Juyeon’s heart twisted painfully at his words.</p><p>“Don’t say that honey.” Juyeon gently brushed his hair back.</p><p>“He threw away my Bibi.” Kyu pouted out his bottom lip.</p><p>Bibi was the name of his elephant. Juyeon had only discovered it last week.</p><p>“I don’t think he knew it would make you so sad.” Juyeon consoled him even if it wasn’t true. He really didn’t know what was going through his head.</p><p>Kyu didn’t look convinced.</p><p>“Have a nap right now.” Juyeon leaned down and kissed his forehead. “It will make you feel better.”</p><p>Kyu yawned and his eyes drooped shut tiredly. Juyeon sat with him for another minute or two until he was asleep.</p><p>He was probably more distressed than ever before in the length of time since Kyu had started living with them. As hard as it was sometimes, the ideal situation was for the parents to have at least a partial change of attitude and lifestyle and regain custody of their child. Juyeon was worried with the way Kyu’s parents were acting in the case. Kyu definitely wasn’t particularly happy either.</p><p>Juyeon ran his hand over his face as he left the room. He checked his phone and groaned. He had completely forgotten that he had left Sunwoo with Jacob to play with Haknyeon. He had come straight home with Kyu instead of picking Sunwoo up.</p><p>It was really bad that his own child had slipped his mind but Jacob was gracious. He had messaged that he assumed something had come up and took the boys to ice cream in the meantime.</p><p>Juyeon considered waiting until Kyu’s nap was over to get Sunwoo, but Jacob messaged again and let him know Sunwoo wasn’t doing well. Of course he was worried Juyeon wasn’t going to come back for him. He had already been good enough to agree to stay with Jacob and Haknyeon without throwing a fit.</p><p>He took a deep breath and decided it would be best just to go get Sunwoo.</p><p>He pulled Kyu’s Bibi out of the dryer, all warm and clean. He carried Kyu to the car successfully without waking him and strapped him into his carseat with his elephant next to him. A few minutes into the car ride, Kyu woke up a little disoriented but he didn’t fuss once Juyeon explained to him what was going on.</p><p>When he pulled up to Jacob’s house, he saw Sunwoo was on the front steps with Jacob next to him.</p><p>Juyeon got a sleepy Kyu out of the car and walked up to see them. Sunwoo had his face hidden against Jacob’s thigh, crying his heart out.</p><p>“Sunwoo, I’m here!” Juyeon let go of Kyu’s hand to crouch in front of Sunwoo.</p><p>He lifted his head and threw himself at Juyeon. Jacob smiled and stood so Juyeon could take his seat on the steps. Kyu hugged his plushie close and moved to Juyeon’s side, staring at Jacob with wide eyes.</p><p>“I am so sorry baby.” Juyeon rocked Sunwoo back and forth as he continued to cry his heart out.</p><p>Juyeon felt so terrible he felt sick to his stomach. It was terrible for a parent to have a child that was emotionally distressed, but even worse when it was caused by them.</p><p>Kyu shyly put his hand on Juyeon’s knee. He tilted his head to try to see Sunwoo’s face but he was hidden by Juyeon’s arms. Jacob headed inside to give them space.</p><p>“Did he get a big owie?” Kyu asked worriedly.</p><p>“He’s just a little scared.” Juyeon told him. “He’ll be okay.”</p><p>Kyu still looked terribly concerned. He pet Sunwoo’s back gently, still trying to see his face.</p><p>It took a while for Sunwoo to calm marginally. He still clung to Juyeon tightly. Kyu lay his head on Juyeon’s knee, waiting for Sunwoo to stop crying. After a moment, Juyeon placed his hand on Kyu’s head.</p><p>“Are you okay?” he asked, feeling a suspicious dampness against his leg.</p><p>Kyu raised his head so Juyeon could see him. His eyes were glossy with tears and his lower lip trembled.</p><p>“Why are you crying?” Juyeon was surprised.</p><p>“He’s sad!” Kyu pointed at Sunwoo and burst into tears.</p><p>“Oh…” Juyeon pulled him into a hug as well.</p><p>He smiled. Not because the situation was in any way amusing. He was just touched that Kyu was so empathetic towards Sunwoo that he was sad for him. Kyu cried quietly into Juyeon’s shoulder as Sunwoo slowly faded into sniffles. Kyu was probably overemotional because he didn’t get to have a full nap.</p><p>He raised his head from Juyeon’s chest to look at Kyu. Juyeon had to try not to laugh as Sunwoo’s eyes grew wide as he realized Kyu was crying. He pulled Kyu back to look at his face.</p><p>“Don’t cry.” he gasped. “You can’t cry.”</p><p>“But you are!” Kyu pouted out his bottom lip and pointed at Sunwoo.</p><p>“I won’t anymore.” Sunwoo wiped his face. “So you shouldn’t either.”</p><p>Kyu nodded and wiped his nose. Juyeon grabbed them both in a bear hug. They were both too adorable.</p><p>It was probably a step backwards for Sunwoo, but he calmed down fairly fast and then they were on their way back home.</p><p>Juyeon glanced at them in the mirror as they drove.</p><p>“He got a bath in the spinny machine.” Kyu showed Sunwoo his elephant.</p><p>Sunwoo touched his soft fur.</p><p>They both had tired faces and bloodshot eyes from crying. It really wasn’t a great day but they somehow had survived.</p><p>“I love you two.” Juyeon spoke up, feeling a bit sappy in the moment.</p><p>“I love you too, daddy.” Sunwoo replied, even though Juyeon had technically made him cry just an hour ago.</p><p>Juyeon smiled at how sweet and simple he was. He didn’t hold a grudge.</p><p>“L-love you...”</p><p>It was so quiet, Juyeon almost didn’t catch it, but he was used to Kyu speaking softly. He looked in the rearview mirror to see Kyu looking up at him. His small foot bounced a little nervously.</p><p>Had Kyu really said he loved him?</p><p>Juyeon’s slightly gloomy mood exploded in happy fireworks. He could just be copying Sunwoo, but it was still a big deal.</p><p>What Juyeon didn’t love was how grumpy Kyu was when they got home. Not having a nap really messed up his mood, and his schedule.</p><p>“Okay, TV off. Time to eat.” Juyeon clicked the TV off and motioned for them to sit at the table.</p><p>Kyu melted onto the floor with a loud whine.</p><p>“Up, up Kyu.” Juyeon looked down at his sad lump laying on the floor.</p><p>“My show…” he whined, mourning the loss of his TV time.</p><p>“Your dinner is waiting for you.” Juyeon crouched down and tapped his shoulder.</p><p>“No eat.” Kyu said with a huff and glared up at him. “TV time.”</p><p>“No more TV tonight.” Juyeon shook his head. “You have to eat before your food gets cold.”</p><p>Kyu pouted but let Juyeon drag him up, quite literally. He stayed limp as Juyeon picked him up and brought him to the table. Juyeon had to make sure he wouldn’t slide out of his booster seat once he deposited him in his seat.</p><p>He tried to be gentle. Kyu had a long day, and the more he thought about, his mild defiance was actually a good thing. He felt comfortable expressing his frustrated or bothered emotions to Juyeon. Even though it was a negative action, at least he was comfortable enough with Juyeon to do so.</p><p>When Juyeon finally got both boys tucked into bed, he collapsed in his own bed, absolutely exhausted. His head ached a little and he flicked the light off, hoping he wasn’t coming down with anything.</p><p>Turns out, life had a few more punches ready to throw because Juyeon woke up feeling sick. His throat was scratchy, his body ached and he had a dull headache.</p><p>He tried to power though it, but he was feeling much worse than when he usually caught a little bug.</p><p>It didn’t help that Kyu and Sunwoo fought over the toys in the middle of Juyeon’s massive headache. Kyu came to the kitchen to inform him that Sunwoo was hogging the animal figures.</p><p>“I don’t feel good honey.” Juyeon rested his hand on his head. “Can deal with it in a minute?”</p><p>“Sunwoo is going to take them all.” Kyu pouted.</p><p>“Just a moment.” Juyeon pressed his palms against his eyes, trying to swallow down the sick feeling.</p><p>He really wished there was someone else with him in the moment. He hated being sick. He dreaded being sick. But most of all he hated being sick to his stomach. It was the worst feeling.</p><p>At this point, Juyeon didn’t think he was going to get better unless he got it over with and rid himself of the stomach bug he had. He just couldn’t give in to being fully sick with the two kids essentially having to take care of themselves. He would have to call someone.</p><p>His first thought was his parents but he had asked them multiple favors recently and wanted to give them a break. He called Sangyeon instead.</p><p>He luckily didn’t have work so he was down to bring his boys over to keep Sunwoo and Kyu company while keeping an eye on them.</p><p>Juyeon struggled to not be sick before they arrived. It was a bad habit to not let his body run its course but he couldn’t help it. He was always so reluctant to give in to being sick.</p><p>He heard Sangyeon let himself in and the boys chatter happily from the bathroom. He couldn’t quite hold out. He let out a relieved breath, suddenly awfully tired.</p><p>“Knock knock.” Sangyeon appeared in the doorway. “I brought my two crazies.”</p><p>“Good.” Juyeon said hoarsely, sitting on the floor.</p><p>“You don’t look too hot.” Sangyeon reached down and held the back of his hand against Juyeon’s forehead. “I take that back. You’re definitely too hot. Gosh Juyeon, how long have you been sick?”</p><p>“Just today.” Juyeon replied, wincing at his cramps.</p><p>“You’re awfully hot.” Sangyeon frowned. “You need to cool down.”</p><p>He left and came back with a glass of water. He searched through the medicine cabinet and got out so medicine to help break the fever.</p><p>“How often are you throwing up?” Sangyeon crouched next to him.</p><p>In response, Juyeon dragged himself forward and hung his head over the toilet. Sangyeon rubbed his back soothingly.</p><p>“I’m not sure if you’ll be able to keep the medicine down but we’ll try.” Sangyeon had him sip a little water and take a pill.</p><p>“Good thing you’re here.” Juyeon said, a little short of breath. “I can’t take care of the boys like this.”</p><p>“You should be worried about taking care of yourself.” Sangyeon shook his head.</p><p>He left and returned with a soft rag. He wet it with lukewarm water and pressed it to his forehead and neck, even pushing up his shirt to press it to his back.</p><p>It was strange to Juyeon to have him caring for him in such a way. He had never been so vulnerable with one of his friends.</p><p>“You don’t have to take care of me.” he said quietly.</p><p>“I want to.” Sangyeon brushed his sweaty hair off of his forehead and tucked the soft strands behind his ear.</p><p>Juyeon looked at him for a long moment. He wasn’t sure if it was just having someone take care of him, or his weakness in the moment, but he thought Sangyeon seemed especially wonderful then. He wished he could have Sangyeon around more often.</p><p>“Need me to get you anything?” he asked.</p><p>“No.” Juyeon shook his head slightly. “Just stay with me.”</p><p>“Stay with you, huh?” Sangyeon laughed lightly. “I think the fever really jumbled your brain.”</p><p>A blush added its color to his fever flushed cheeks and he weakly pushed at Sangyeon.</p><p>“Don’t tease me when I’m sick.” he grumbled.</p><p>“Alright, I won’t.” Sangyeon grinned and rubbed his back.</p><p>Juyeon thought it must be the sickness confusing his mind since he couldn’t stop thinking about how nice it was so have someone help out. He moved to his bed at some point but he could hear Sangyeon playing with the kids.</p><p>It was hard to do everything on his own. He had good, supportive friends and family, but sometimes he still felt like a one-man army. He fell asleep thinking how nice it was to have someone there.</p><p>When he woke up, it was evening. He felt a lot better but still so tired. Like weights had been tied to his body, making it hard for him to get up.</p><p>He padding into the living room in his socks. Only Sangyeon was sitting on the couch, working on his laptop.</p><p>“Did the boys go to bed?” Juyeon asked, coming to sit next to him.</p><p>“Yep. Hopefully they are asleep in there.” Sangyeon nodded. “They were very excited about a sleepover.”</p><p>“Are you going to stay the night?” Juyeon lay his head back on the cushions.</p><p>“Nah, I’ll take them once they’re asleep.” Sangyeon answered. “What are you doing up? You need sleep!”</p><p>“I just wanted to check on you guys.” Juyeon rubbed his eyes.</p><p>“You’re cute, but you need to take care of yourself.” Sangyeon scolded and felt his forehead. “You’re still kinda hot.”</p><p>“Too tired to walk back to bed.” Juyeon mumbled and closed his eyes.</p><p>“Come on.” Sangyeon stood and dragged him up. “Off you go.”</p><p>Juyeon groaned but went back to bed.</p><p>When he woke in the morning, Sangyeon was gone. He had texted Juyeon detailed instructions on how to take care of himself on his own. Juyeon smiled and set his phone back on his dresser, hoping to sleep a little more.</p><p>He had two little boys. Two very energetic boys, who didn’t seem to know the meaning of “sleeping in” in the morning.</p><p>He heard their whispers outside the door before they snuck into his room. Sunwoo climbed onto his bed and jumped on top of him. Kyu stood to the side and patted his arm to wake him up.</p><p>“Good morning.” Juyeon snuggled Sunwoo close and ran his thumb over Kyu’s cheek. “I’m assuming you’re looking for someone to make you pancakes.”</p><p>“Are you okay?” Sunwoo asked instead. He mimicked Sangyeon by putting his small hand on Juyeon’s forehead.</p><p>“All better.” Juyeon assured him. “Thank you for being so good yesterday. Both of you.”</p><p>“Now can we have pancakes?” Sunwoo had a one-track mind.</p><p>“Yeah. I’ll get up” Juyeon laughed.</p><p>It had been a rough week, but he could survive with his two cuties.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading! Hopefully this chapter was good enough to make up for the long delay! I really missed seeing your comments, even though I don't get as many on this story, even the simplest ones give me so much motivation! Thank you all!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Jacob</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Posting sort of on time! This chapter hurts ya'll. I'm sorry but I realized I only had one chapter left, so I crammed in all the most important parts and it ended up being a little choppy. The last chapter of Jacob's POV will surely have you all emotional but for now just suffer a little bit!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Love you baby.” Jacob pressed a kiss to Haknyeon’s forehead as he rubbed his hair dry with a towel.</p><p>“Too hard.” Haknyeon grabbed his hand, making him rub slower.</p><p>Jacob was as gentle as he could be.</p><p>“Daddy and mommy are going to have a friend come over.” Jacob helped him into his pajamas next.</p><p>“My friends too?” Haknyeon asked curiously, holding onto Jacob’s shoulders to keep his balance as he stepped into pajama pants.</p><p>“Not your friends tonight.” Jacob patted his tummy. “But you know Uncle Juyeon.”</p><p>“Not Sunwoo?” Haknyeon frowned. He was probably confused since Juyeon and Sunwoo were a package deal in his mind.</p><p>“Maybe another time.” Jacob helped him pick out matching socks since the floors were chilly with the weather getting colder. “You can say hi to Juyeon but after a little bit you can go to bed.”</p><p>“I’m just getting ready early.” Haknyeon nodded to show he understood.</p><p>“That’s right.” Jacob stood and watched him reach for one of his stimming toys.</p><p>At least Haknyeon was in a good mood. He sat on the floor and twisted the squishy string of beads between his hands. Jacob touched the top of his head fondly and then headed into the kitchen.</p><p>“I think you should talk to Hyunjae.” Hana murmured in his ear when she joined him in the living room.</p><p>“Why?” Jacob asked. Hyunjae had seemed fine.</p><p>“I found this.” Hana handed him a piece of paper. “It fell out of his backpack.”</p><p>Jacob frowned, unfolding the little square of paper and reading it. His heart sank.</p><p>“I know…” Hana rubbed his back. “I think he just wanted to hide it.”</p><p>“Why are kids so mean?” Jacob asked. “They’re so young and still… they’re so cruel.”</p><p>“I have no idea…” Hana sighed.</p><p>Jacob took a deep breath and headed to Hyunjae’s room. Hyunjae was at his desk, leaning over his homework. He had been working harder recently. Jacob could see it.</p><p>“Hey, can I come in?” Jacob asked.</p><p>Hyunjae nodded and sat back in his chair. Jacob sat on his bed and looked at him.</p><p>“I’ll just be honest with you.” Jacob cut straight to the chase. “Hana found this.”</p><p>He held up the note and could tell Hyunjae recognized it by his expression. Written inside were harsh words from presumably a classmate, making fun of him being a foster child.</p><p>“Have you ever received a note like this before?” Jacob studied Hyunjae closely.</p><p>“Yeah.” Hyunjae shrugged. “They’re just… funny. Just teasing.”</p><p>“Funny?” Jacob was shocked. “Do you find this funny?”</p><p>He could tell by the look in Hyunjae’s eyes that it wasn’t funny to him. It was hurtful.</p><p>“I don’t want you to take these words to heart.” Jacob waved the note. “They are absolutely not true, and it makes me feel terrible that you had to see them.”</p><p>“It’s not a big deal.” Hyunjae said it quietly but his demeanor screamed that it was a big deal.</p><p>“It’s a big deal to me.” Jacob shook his head. “I don’t want anyone to say such things to either of my sons.”</p><p>Hyunjae raised his head slightly to meet his eyes when he referred to Hyunjae as his son.</p><p>“Next time someone slips one of these to you. Give them straight to the teacher. Don’t even open them.” Jacob instructed.</p><p>Hyunjae nodded quietly.</p><p>Jacob felt awful. Hyunjae had been hurt by some careless child’s irresponsibility. He wished he could pull Hyunjae close and remind him how loved he was, but he knew it wouldn’t be received well.</p><p>“I mean look at you.” Jacob smiled and gestured at him. “You’re none of those things.”</p><p>Hyunjae dipped his head and smiled shyly.</p><p>“You’re doing a good job and working hard.” Jacob praised him. “I’m really proud of you.”</p><p>“I… got my test back.” Hyunjae turned to his desk and retrieved a piece of paper. “For my math class.”</p><p>Jacob’s heart warmed knowing that Hyunjae wanted to show him something. He slipped the note into his pocket so he could throw it away later.</p><p>“Let’s see…” Jacob looked over his test.</p><p>To others, it may be a mediocre score. Not the best but not the worst. For Hyunjae it was magnificent.</p><p>“Wow Hyunjae…” Jacob smiled. “You did so well. Your hard work paid off.”</p><p>“I did all the things you said.” Hyunjae clasped his hands together.</p><p>“I really am so proud.” Jacob handed the test back. “Tomorrow we should go get another CD. You made it through a week of me tutoring you. You deserve it.”</p><p>Hyunjae’s bright smile lit up his face.</p><p>“Take a break if you need.” Jacob stood up and let his hand rest on his shoulder for a moment.</p><p>Hyunjae nodded and turned back to his desk.</p><p>Jacob headed back out to the living room to find Hana inviting Juyeon in. They sat in the living room and talked.</p><p>Juyeon had been out of a job for a little bit and Jacob knew he needed a steady income to keep Kyu, at least in the long run. Luckily, he had an idea when he was at the office at school.</p><p>The school was looking for someone to run the office and manage the homerooms. Jacob thought Juyeon would be perfect. Sunwoo would be at school and he was sure Kyu would be allowed to go to the preschool even if he was a little young.</p><p>He recommended Juyeon, who took the job when it was offered to him. Jacob was meeting with him to go over the requirements and get him familiar with his job.</p><p>After meeting, Juyeon was much more confident heading into work at the start of the week. Jacob liked working with him. It was nice to have him there.</p><p>Unfortunately, when Jacob took Hyunjae and Haknyeon home from school a few days later, he was shocked to find Hyunjae a little bruised up.</p><p>“Hyunjae.” He caught his arm before he could get in the car. “What happened?”</p><p>“I fell down the stairs.” Hyunjae kept his head down.</p><p>Jacob tilted his head up so he could see the scrape on Hyunjae’s chin. His elbows were scraped up too.</p><p>“You fell?” Jacob pressed, sensing something was off.</p><p>“I fell because of someone else.” Hyunjae said quietly.</p><p>Jacob’s heart sank and at the same time he felt anger rise in him.</p><p>“We’re going home and I’m taking care of these.” Jacob turned his arm to see his scrape. “Then you’re telling me who exactly did this.”</p><p>Hyunjae just nodded, not arguing against Jacob’s stern tone.</p><p>He fumed the whole car ride home, trying to calm down. He couldn’t believe anyone would hurt Hyunjae purely out of selfish motives. Hyunjae was quiet and kept to himself. He didn’t deserve that kind of treatment.</p><p>Hana fussed over Hyunjae a little when they got home but she had to take Haknyeon to an appointment so it was Jacob’s job to patch Hyunjae up.</p><p>He had him sit up on the counter in the bathroom so he could see well as he cleaned his chin and arms.</p><p>He tried to be gentle as he dabbed at the scrape on Hyunjae’s chin with cotton soaked in soapy water. Hyunjae sat quietly, not even moving a muscle when Jacob had to be a little more thorough with cleaning.</p><p>“No one’s ever taken care of me like this before…”</p><p>Jacob lifted his head to look at Hyunjae.</p><p>“I always patch myself up.” Hyunjae swallowed. “I-It’s strange to have you help me.”</p><p>“Is it okay?” Jacob asked, careful of his boundaries.</p><p>“Yes. Please don’t stop.” Hyunjae whispered.</p><p>Jacob took his time cleaning and bandaging Hyunjae’s elbows and made sure he was gentle the whole time. When he finally drew back, he was surprised by the look on Hyunjae’s face. He looked vulnerable and afraid and… young. So young. Like his age. He was just a child. A child who had never had their scrapes bandaged, or their bruises kissed.</p><p>“What else do you need?” Jacob asked.</p><p>He wasn’t asking about Hyunjae’s injuries anymore.</p><p>“I don’t know what to ask for.” Hyunjae choked out, his eyes going glossy with unshed tears.</p><p>“That’s okay.” Jacob gently patted his knee. “Why don’t we sit and watch a movie? Is that something you want?”</p><p>Hyunjae nodded and followed him to the living room. Jacob got him something to drink and brought a blanket.</p><p>For the first time, he sat very close to Hyunjae and put his arm around him. Hyunjae melted against his side, his head leaning on Jacob’s shoulder.</p><p>“Can you do the thing you do with Haknyeon?” Hyunjae asked softly.</p><p>It took Jacob a second to figure out what he meant. Hyunjae was just desperate to be comforted. He was touch starved, emotionally suppressed, and in the most terrible position for a child his age.</p><p>He just wanted Jacob to make him feel safe and loved. He yearned for the simplest touch even though he often times shied away from them.</p><p>Jacob gently dragged his fingers through Hyunjae’s hair. He shivered for a moment but then drew a tiny bit closer to Jacob. He felt like he could almost cry with Hyunjae warm and relaxed against him.</p><p>It felt like a small miracle and Jacob was soaking up every moment of it.</p><p>“I’m sorry.” Hyunjae said softly.</p><p>“For what?” Jacob murmured.</p><p>“Being mean…” Hyunjae whispered. “With my words.”</p><p>“Already forgiven.” Jacob assured him.</p><p>He knew something needed to be done about the kids at school so he met with the principle. He outlined everything that had happened, including the nasty messages that had been left for Hyunjae.</p><p>Without Hyunjae explicitly knowing, they made sure the teachers were more attentive to him during class. There wasn’t much that could be done in hallways or lunch rooms, but Jacob talked with Hyunjae extensively about how to handle another situation if it were to come up.</p><p>He himself was very alert and attentive to Hyunjae, making sure he wasn’t hiding anything that happened to him.</p><p>Things seemed to be going smoothly. On the weekend, Hyunjae earned another trip to the music store. He talked with Jacob the whole way there and back. It was nice. Jacob felt like he was finally breaking through to him.</p><p>Later in the evening, they all went to see the fireworks they set off at a nearby park at that time of year. Juyeon and Sangyeon and their boys were coming as well.</p><p>Haknyeon was absolutely thrilled. He couldn’t stop talking about it. It would be his first time seeing fireworks.</p><p>“I’m so excited!” Haknyeon jumped up and down energetically while Jacob fixed his carseat.</p><p>“I’m glad.” Jacob smiled at his contagious excitement.</p><p>“Thank you, daddy.” Haknyeon suddenly hugged his leg tightly for a moment.</p><p>“Oh, you’re welcome bud.” Jacob appreciated the unexpected hug. “Okay, hop in.”</p><p>Once they were all in the car, they headed down to the park.</p><p>Haknyeon’s excitement increased tenfold when he saw Chanhee and Younghoon parked near them. He kicked his feet excitedly, making it hard for Jacob to unbuckle him and set him loose.</p><p>The three families set out their picnic blankets on the grass and waited for the show to start. Hana snuggled close to Jacob and he thought everything was going pretty well. Until the fireworks started.</p><p>Younghoon jumped at the first boom and looked a bit fearfully at the sky. He looked like he wasn’t sure if he liked them.</p><p>Haknyeon was having a harder time. He clamped his hands over his ears and curled in on himself as soon as the first boom resounded through the air. Jacob really hadn’t expected the fireworks to be so loud since they were sitting far away from where they were being lit off.</p><p>Hana had the foresight to bring his noise cancelling headphones just in case. Unfortunately, they still weren’t enough.</p><p>After less than a minute of Jacob pressing the headphones against his ears gently, Haknyeon started crying. Jacob understood that noise sensitivity wasn’t just that it was “too loud.” It was a much more uncomfortable experience.</p><p>Jacob and Hana decided it was best to leave. Jacob took Haknyeon home while Hana and Hyunjae stayed. Juyeon or Sangyeon could bring them home later.</p><p>“Alright bud…” Jacob lifted Haknyeon out of his carseat when they got home. He was still pouting and wiped at his eyes mournfully.</p><p>“Can I take these off?” Jacob touched Haknyeon’s headphones.</p><p>He quickly clamped his tiny hands over them and drew away from Jacob.</p><p>“Not yet. Okay.” Jacob nodded and reached his hand out for Haknyeon to hold.</p><p>He hesitated for a moment and then slipped his hand into Jacob’s as they walked up the driveway. Jacob rubbed his thumb back and forth over Haknyeon’s hand to comfort him.</p><p>It wasn’t Haknyeon’s bedtime yet so Jacob drew up a bath. Haknyeon tended to calm down quickest during bath time.</p><p>Haknyeon stood in his room squishing his dinosaur stimming toy while Jacob picked out pajamas for him and got him a clean towel.</p><p>“I’m sad.” Haknyeon suddenly said out of nowhere.</p><p>“Huh?” Jacob poked his head out of the bathroom to see him.</p><p>“I’m sad.” Haknyeon repeated, looking at him sorrowfully. “I want to see Sunwoo and Chanhee… I wanted to see the fireworks…”</p><p>“Oh…” Jacob crouched in front of him. “Can I take these off now? I’ll be quiet.”</p><p>Haknyeon nodded and let him take off his headphones.</p><p>“You wanted to watch the fireworks but without the noise?” Jacob clarified.</p><p>Haknyeon nodded.</p><p>“I’m sorry it was loud.” Jacob felt bad. Haknyeon still wanted to spend time with his friends and enjoy the fireworks but the noise stimulation was too much. He had been so excited too.</p><p>“I want to try again… but I don’t want them to hit my ears.” Haknyeon patted his ears with his hands.</p><p>His description gave Jacob more insight on how it felt to sensory overload. It was really hard for Haknyeon to process. How could he explain to Haknyeon that it was an activity he just couldn’t participate in?</p><p>“Sit with me.” Jacob sat crossed legged on the carpet with him.</p><p>He didn’t speak for a long moment because he was thinking. Haknyeon was looking at him expectantly.</p><p>“Fireworks are just really loud…” Jacob explained. “I can’t make them quieter… but maybe we could try something different.”</p><p>He had an idea but he wasn’t sure if it would work.</p><p>“Maybe we can watch them in the car.” Jacob suggested. He thought the soundproofing of the car would add some noise blocking power.</p><p>“I will try.” Haknyeon nodded.</p><p>“Okay. We’ll try when they do them again next week.” Jacob cradled Haknyeon’s face with his hand for a moment. He was so soft and sweet. It didn’t seem fair he couldn’t enjoy the fireworks like other kids when he had been so excited over them.</p><p>“Are you ready for a bath?” Jacob asked, giving him a happy smile.</p><p>Haknyeon nodded and stood.</p><p>“I’m so proud of you.” Jacob felt the urge to let him know how much he loved him and how proud he was of him. Just for being a good sport about it.</p><p>When he tucked Haknyeon into bed, he spent a little longer giving him gentle kisses and wishing him sweet dreams.</p><p>“Is he okay?” Hana asked when she joined him in bed later that night.</p><p>“He’s okay.” Jacob nodded and pulled her against his chest.</p><p>“He was so excited.” Hana sighed. “I felt so bad.”</p><p>“Me too.” Jacob agreed. “We’re going to try again but inside the car too.”</p><p>“That sounds good.” Hana snuggled a little closer.</p><p>“We have a court date tomorrow morning.” Jacob reminded her. “Are we ready?”</p><p>“We’re always ready.” Hana laughed softly and tilted her head up for a kiss.</p><p>“I love you.” Jacob whispered as they fell asleep.</p><p>The court date went well for them but not for Hyunjae’s mother. It was a mess, with so many new issues coming to light, Jacob was left reeling a little bit. It was hard to process especially when a parent was quickly losing their rights.</p><p>A week later, she fully lost her rights. Hyunjae was free in the system.</p><p>Jacob didn’t really know how to feel. It happened slowly but also faster than he had thought it would. He couldn’t help but feel excitement. Hyunjae was free. He was open for adoption.</p><p>They had to be sensitive though. It wasn’t easy for Hyunjae. The night after the verdict, everything went down in flames.</p><p>Jacob found Hyunjae in the kitchen, sobbing his heart out.</p><p>“Hyunjae…” Jacob hugged him gently, rubbing his back up and down.</p><p>“No.” Hyunjae wiped his tears away and pushed Jacob away.</p><p>“It’s okay to cry. We can-.” Jacob was cut off by Hyunjae sucking in a deep breath and shaking his head.</p><p>“I don’t want to talk.” Hyunjae said firmly and skirted around Jacob to go to his room.</p><p>Haknyeon watched him head into his room with wide eyes, sensing something was wrong.</p><p>Jacob gave Hyunjae and hour before he tried to approach him again. When he came into Hyunjae’s room, his heart broke.</p><p>Hyunjae was sitting with his headphones on, listening to music with tears streaming down his face. He leaned forwards, his hands gripping his upper arms.</p><p>Jacob immediately stepped forward and covered Hyunjae’s hands with his own. His fingertips were digging into his arms so tightly that it looked like he would tear the skin.</p><p>“Hyunjae- stop-.” Jacob caught Hyunjae’s hands and held them tightly.</p><p>Hyunjae shook in his grasp.</p><p>“Shh… you’re okay.” Jacob flattened Hyunjae’s hands against his arms until they were limp and he could remove them from his arms.</p><p>He wrapped his arm around Hyunjae’s back and pulled him against himself. He held him in a gentle but grounding hug. Hyunjae’s hands gripped his sides, maybe a little too hard, but he didn’t say anything.</p><p>It was almost frightening how much Hyunjae was shaking in his arms. It was like he was breaking apart from the inside.</p><p>Jacob ran his hand lightly over the back of Hyunjae’s head. He held Hyunjae tightly so he couldn’t hurt himself further. Hyunjae didn’t cry. He just trembled and shivered, his hands opening and closing against Jacob’s sides.</p><p>“I-I can’t breathe.” Hyunjae choked out.</p><p>Jacob drew back to look at him.</p><p>“I- can’t-.” Hyunjae winced and pressed his hand against his chest.</p><p>“You’re okay.” Jacob murmured again, pressing his hand to the side of Hyunjae’s face. He helped ease him down to the floor, sliding his headphones off in the process. He was triggering a panic attack by how worked up he was.</p><p>“Breathe through it. I know it’s hard.” Jacob tried to soothe him with his voice. “Focus on me.”</p><p>He pressed Hyunjae’s hand against his chest and took deep breaths in and out. Hyunjae rode out the panic attack without crying. He looked terrified but he just stared at Jacob, gasping for breath.</p><p>“You’re okay.” Jacob smiled at him as he calmed, gently rubbing his shoulder where he hadn’t scratched himself.</p><p>As calm as he was being, it shook him up to see.</p><p>“I’m scared.” Hyunjae said. “I’m so scared.”</p><p>“I’m so sorry…” Jacob helped him sit up, rubbing his back.</p><p>“Do I have to stay here?” Hyunjae looked at Jacob fearfully.</p><p>“I-.” Jacob felt like Hyunjae had stabbed him in the heart.</p><p>He didn’t want to stay. He didn’t want to be adopted by Jacob.</p><p>“I want to go home.” Hyunjae’s voice trembled. “Can you take me home? Please?”</p><p>For the first time in years, Jacob really broke. He couldn’t answer Hyunjae. It was too devastating in the moment.</p><p>He left Hyunjae there on the floor, telling Hana to talk to him before shutting himself in his bedroom. He sat on the floor and cried.</p><p>If he was less attached to Hyunjae he might be able to sit with him and then assure him he didn’t have to stay with Jacob and Hana if he didn’t want to. But he wasn’t able to do that. He really loved Hyunjae and wanted him to stay with them forever. It just wasn’t his choice. He could force it but he wanted the choice to be Hyunjae’s. Even if it broke his heart.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading! I skimmed over a few parts because I didn't think they needed to be delved into in detail again since I've already addressed them in the other parts of this story. Especially, the parent relationship with Hyunjae. I didn't want to make it drag on too long by including all the biological parents. Also Haknyeon is the absolute sweetest. !!Spoiler!! He does get his fireworks. I can't take those away from him. Hopefully my terrible explanation of noise sensitivity and sensory overload was okay! I don't think many people understand how intense it can be so I wrote about it a little! Yet again, my apologies for a super jammed packed but kind of choppy chapter! I will do better next time!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Sangyeon</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi everyone! I hope you all are doing well! Posting a day late, oops! But I made it! I wrote a chapter of Shelter so that will be up in the next 24 hours too! (For those of you who have been dying for me to continue the SKZ story!) I wrote Chanhee and Younghoon in so I think it will be fun to post close together! I also have posted another story titled "Snow", which I have absolutely adored writing! I hope you will take a moment to check it out! All I can say is that it gets better and better, I promise!</p><p>Slight warning for this chapter just in case because I try not to be graphic but I also want everyone to be safe! Everything is non descriptive, don't worry!</p><p>TW: Mentions of PTSD, Some frightening thoughts, mild injury (burn)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sangyeon had pretty good kids. Yes, Chanhee could be incredibly mischievous sometimes, but he always did it in fun, not to be disobedient.</p><p>Younghoon was a sweetheart. Regularly, Sangyeon snuggled him close because he was such a sweet soul. But he also was the one who instigated the most hardship for Sangyeon. It wasn’t that he caused it, but it was just a byproduct of his past.</p><p>Sangyeon had to regularly deal with him having an episode or flashback and calming him down was of utmost importance. He had to be especially gentle and cautious in those moments.</p><p>“It’s okay.” Sangyeon gently rubbed Younghoon’s back as he came down from an episode. He motioned for Chanhee to stay away so he didn’t frighten Younghoon.</p><p>Slowly, Younghoon looked at Sangyeon, his eyes wide and fearful.</p><p>“I’m right here.” Sangyeon rubbed grounding circled on Younghoon’s back. “You’re here in the living room with me.”</p><p>Younghoon nodded slowly.</p><p>“You’re safe.” Sangyeon opened his arms, offering more physical comfort if Younghoon wanted it.</p><p>Younghoon leaned into his embrace, laying his head on Sangyeon’s shoulder. Sangyeon shifted them onto the couch, Younghoon laying against him and sucking his thumb.</p><p>“All over…” Sangyeon hummed deep in his chest.</p><p>Chanhee approached hesitantly. He climbed onto the couch and tried to see Younghoon’s face. He turned his face further into Juyeon’s chest, a little embarrassed by Chanhee’s curiosity.</p><p>Younghoon jumped when Sangyeon’s phone buzzed from the coffee table. Sangyeon rubbed his hand soothingly over his arm.</p><p>“Chanhee, can you get that for me?” he asked, not wanting to displace Younghoon.</p><p>Chanhee grabbed his phone.</p><p>“Chanhee…” Sangyeon held his hand out for it as Chanhee stared down at the screen.</p><p>He swiped his finger across the screen and held the phone to his ear.</p><p>“Chanhee!” Sangyeon scolded him. “Hand it to me.”</p><p>“Hello?” Chanhee asked whoever was on the line.</p><p>Sangyeon looped his arm around Younghoon’s back and leaned forward, plucking his phone from Chanhee’s hand. Chanhee squealed at being naughty and tried to grab the phone back.</p><p>“Hello?” Juyeon answered the phone, leaning back against the couch again.</p><p>“Is Chanhee your secretary?” Juyeon teased.</p><p>“Sorry. He got a hold of the phone.” Sangyeon chuckled.</p><p>Chanhee climbed on the couch and tried to press his ear close to the phone as well.</p><p>“I hate to ask, again… but I needed a babysitter for Sunwoo tonight.” Juyeon said. “Any way he can crash at your place?”</p><p>“Yeah of course.” Sangyeon agreed. “Bring him over whenever-.”</p><p>Chanhee suddenly yanked the phone out of his grasp with an elated giggle.</p><p>“Chanhee!” Sangyeon was coming to the end of his patience.</p><p>“Hi! This is Chanhee.” he hopped off of the couch so he was out of Sangyeon’s reach.</p><p>Younghoon lifted his head and Sangyeon took it as his cue that he could set him aside.</p><p>“How are you?” Chanhee copied how Sangyeon talked on the phone. “Ah!”</p><p>He shrieked and took off running as Sangyeon came after him.</p><p>“Daddy is chasing me!” he yelled into the phone.</p><p>“Come here you.” Sangyeon caught his arm as he tried to run past.</p><p>Chanhee panicked and promptly threw his phone away. Sangyeon winced as it clattered to the ground a bit away from them. He was glad he had gotten a heavy-duty protective case for his phone.</p><p>“Chanhee.” Sangyeon kept a gentle but firm grip on his arm. “You’re not listening.”</p><p>Chanhee had the audacity to blink up at him and attempt to look innocent.</p><p>“I told you not to use my phone without my permission and it’s not polite to grab the phone from someone when they’re talking.” Sangyeon gave him a strict look.</p><p>“I was just helping.” Chanhee tried to make an excuse, also trying to wriggle out of Sangyeon’s grasp.</p><p>“Daddy didn’t ask you to help.” Sangyeon gave him a skeptical frown. “You have to listen to what I say.”</p><p>Chanhee pouted and decided to sit down on the floor in defeat.</p><p>“And- we don’t throw phones.” Sangyeon pointed to his phone laying sadly on the floor.</p><p>He let go of Chanhee’s arm, done with his instruction. Chanhee lay on the floor, in a mood. Sangyeon sighed and went to retrieve his phone.</p><p>Juyeon had ended the call at some point, but sent a message wishing him luck.</p><p>“Up.” Sangyeon told Chanhee in a warning tone.</p><p>Chanhee pushed himself off the floor with a whine and went to pout on the couch.</p><p>Sangyeon returned to Younghoon.</p><p>“Chanhee is being naughty.” he observed, pointing at him. Chanhee glared at Younghoon and buried his face in a pillow.</p><p>“Let’s not take notes.” Sangyeon sighed and fell against the couch. He just wanted a relaxing free day but it was virtually impossible with two boys.</p><p>Younghoon copied the way Chanhee was hiding in the pillow but lay down against the couch and rested his head on Sangyeon’s thigh.</p><p>Sangyeon brushed his fingers through Younghoon’s soft hair.</p><p>“Hey Chanhee. Sunwoo is coming over.” Sangyeon said, hoping to snap Chanhee out of his mood.</p><p>Chanhee lifted his head slightly to look at him.</p><p>“Really?” he asked distrustfully.</p><p>“Uh huh.” Sangyeon nodded.</p><p>“Can Kyu come over too?” Younghoon asked, tracing shaped on Sangyeon’s leg.</p><p>“Not tonight.” Sangyeon replied. “Maybe another time.”</p><p>Chanhee was more well behaved as he ran away collecting toys for him and Sunwoo to play with.</p><p>Younghoon seemed to have calmed as well, showing a little excitement as well.</p><p>When Juyeon knocked on the door, Chanhee shrieked, startling Juyeon, and went to answer it.</p><p>“Hey.” Juyeon waved from the entryway at Sangyeon.</p><p>Sunwoo wiggled out of his coat and kicked off his shoes, in a rush to follow Chanhee to his room.</p><p>“Thanks for taking him.” Juyeon gave Sangyeon a hug.</p><p>“It’s no problem.” Sangyeon waved it away. “Where’s Kyu?”</p><p>“In the car.” Juyeon gestured behind him. “We’re going to a visit.”</p><p>“Can I see him?” Sangyeon asked.</p><p>“Of course!” Juyeon grinned. “He’s a bit moody right now but maybe you can cheer him up.”</p><p>Sangyeon laughed, following him out to the car.</p><p>“Hi bud!” he greeted Kyu enthusiastically. “How are you?”</p><p>No response. Just wide brown eyes staring back at him.</p><p>“Can you say hi?” Juyeon tried to coax him to speak gently.</p><p>Kyu drew farther back into carseat and hid behind his plushie.</p><p>“He’s getting there.” Juyeon told Sangyeon softly as he closed the door. “I think he’s shy right now because he’s going to a visit.”</p><p>“How is that going?” Sangyeon walked him around the car.</p><p>“Not great at all. Lots of tears and meltdowns afterwards.” Juyeon sighed. “Our caseworker is having real problems with the parents separate from just the visits too.”</p><p>“If it goes south?” Sangyeon asked. “Are you going to keep him?”</p><p>“Of course.” Juyeon smiled. “At this point, I think it would be best.”</p><p>“I hope it goes well.” Sangyeon squeezed his arm encouragingly. “I’ll let you get going but I’ll see you later!”</p><p>Things went well with having Sunwoo over. Sangyeon was able to relax while Younghoon, Chanhee and Sunwoo played in Chanhee’s room. It was a pretty chill evening with just the faint noises of the boy’s voices filtering downstairs.</p><p>Time flew and before Sangyeon knew it, Juyeon was knocking on the door again.</p><p>“Hey…” Juyeon looked drained when Sangyeon let him in.</p><p>“Oh no! What happened?” Sangyeon said, seeing Kyu was crying.</p><p>“Can you take him for a minute?” Juyeon asked. “I need to call our caseworker.”</p><p>“Yeah.” Sangyeon held his arms out for Kyu but the little boy curled against Juyeon.</p><p>“Just for a few minutes honey.” Juyeon untangled Kyu from him and gave him to Sangyeon.</p><p>“Hi bud…” Sangyeon sat down with Kyu on his lap.</p><p>He didn’t want to make him more uncomfortable since he knew Kyu’s stranger anxiety was high. He just rubbed his back while he sniffled.</p><p>Kyu stared at him, still looking like he was unhappy to be suddenly deposited in Sangyeon’s arms.</p><p>“This little guy looks like he needs cuddles.” Sangyeon pet Kyu’s elephant plushie. “Can you give him cuddles?”</p><p>Kyu hesitated and then pulled his toy close, hugging it tightly and resting his cheek on its head.</p><p>“He looks happy now.” Sangyeon smiled. “What’s his name?”</p><p>Kyu continued to stare at Sangyeon without a response.</p><p>“Does he not have a name yet?” Sangyeon fondled the plushie’s ear. “Maybe you can come up with one.”</p><p>Kyu shifted a little on his lap and then, to Juyeon’s surprise, opened his mouth.</p><p>“Bibi.” he said, barely above a whisper.</p><p>“Hm?” Sangyeon hummed.</p><p>“His name is Bibi.” Kyu repeated, a little louder.</p><p>Sangyeon’s heart swelled with happiness at Kyu speaking to him. It meant he trusted him.</p><p>“Looks like you take good care of Bibi.” Sangyeon praised him.</p><p>“He got dirty but daddy washed him for me.” Kyu looked down at the elephant and pet its fur.</p><p>“He did? That’s good.” Sangyeon grinned.</p><p>Juyeon came back in then and smiled seeing them talking to each other. Kyu raised his arms to reach for Juyeon and Sangyeon handed him over.</p><p>“What are you two chatting about?” Juyeon pressed a kiss to Kyu’s temple.</p><p>“Bibi.” Kyu replied, nuzzling into his chest.</p><p>“I’m glad to see my boys getting along.” Juyeon winked at Sangyeon.</p><p>“I’m tired.” Kyu rubbed his eyes and leaned further against Juyeon.</p><p>“Okay, time to get Sunwoo and go home.” Juyeon nodded.</p><p>Sangyeon felt a little sad seeing them leave. He loved having Sunwoo and Kyu in the house. He also liked having someone to talk to and confide in.</p><p>That was why he asked Jacob to come over the next day for dinner.</p><p>Jacob was like a grounding force for Sangyeon. He was strong and steady. Recently however, Sangyeon knew he had been struggling with his decision to adopt Hyunjae or not.</p><p>“How are you doing?” Sangyeon asked him once they were sitting away from the kids. He had only brought Haknyeon.</p><p>He didn’t look like he was doing well. He looked exhausted, his eyes tired and expression sad.</p><p>“I didn’t think it would happen this fast.” Jacob said hollowly. “I didn’t think…”</p><p>“Has Hyunjae said anything about it since then?” Sangyeon asked gently.</p><p>“He…” Jacob looked down at his hands in his lap. “I don’t know what he wants but it isn’t us.”</p><p>Sangyeon’s heart ached for Jacob and his family.</p><p>“I’m so sorry…”</p><p>“He uh… cried last night.” Jacob looked stricken as he told Sangyeon. “He told Hana he wanted to go back to his mom…”</p><p>Sangyeon just nodded, understanding there weren’t really words in this situation.</p><p>“I haven’t talked to him since that night.” Jacob murmured. “I just haven’t had it in me. I don’t think he even wants it.”</p><p>“Are you… thinking of letting him go?” Sangyeon asked cautiously.</p><p>Jacob was quiet for a long moment.</p><p>“Yes.” he finally replied. “I could never try to make him stay against his will. He’s already been through so much.”</p><p>“Yeah…” Sangyeon touched his shoulder. “I’m really sorry.”</p><p>“It’s what’s best.” Jacob took a deep breath. “Sometimes you have to let the people you love go.”</p><p>Sangyeon gave him a sad smile, feeling his burden in the moment.</p><p>Haknyeon interrupted their moment by coming and asking for his squishy toy.</p><p>“You’re a good dad.” Sangyeon said once he had run off again. He thought Jacob needed to hear some encouragement.</p><p>“I try.” Jacob took his compliment graciously.</p><p>“I hope I’m doing the best I can for my two as well.” Sangyeon sighed, resting his chin against his hand.</p><p>“Both Younghoon and Chanhee are absolutely lovely.” Jacob assured him.</p><p>“They really are.” Sangyeon laughed. “But that’s not my influence.”</p><p>“Give yourself some credit!” Jacob nudged his arm. “You took those boys in from rough circumstances and look at how they’re thriving.”</p><p>“Yeah but…” Sangyeon frowned. “Younghoon sometimes… I worry.”</p><p>“How so?” Jacob frowned.</p><p>“Even with all the therapy and counseling we’ve been doing; he still has a lot of flashbacks and he still struggles to sleep.”</p><p>“It’s a process.” Jacob reminded him.</p><p>“I know. I just wish it was a faster process. For his sake.” Sangyeon replied.</p><p>He knew that Younghoon’s PTSD had many triggers, and it was hard for his young mind to handle the fear and confusion that plagued him. He just wished he could ease Younghoon’s burden. As his father, he wanted to be able to do more.</p><p>That night, Sangyeon set his alarms again, as if he was the parent of a newborn.</p><p>A little before midnight, he checked on Younghoon to find him sitting in his bed, talking to his plushies that were lined up against the wall.</p><p>He startled a little when Sangyeon came in.</p><p>“Just me.” Sangyeon assured him, waiting until Younghoon relaxed before he approached him.</p><p>“It’s late bud.” Sangyeon said for what had to be the hundredth time that month.</p><p>Younghoon just nodded, moving his dinosaur plushie back and forth.</p><p>Sangyeon sat next to him on the bed for a long moment. Usually he would cuddle him back to sleep, but it didn’t seem to be solving the problem. Sangyeon felt the need to change his approach.</p><p>“Are you scared?” he asked, gently brushing Younghoon’s messy hair back from his face.</p><p>Younghoon nodded. That was to be expected.</p><p>“What are you afraid of?” Sangyeon kept his hand on his back, hoping to physically reassure him so he felt comfortable sharing.</p><p>“Bad people might come and get me.” Younghoon replied, shivering just a little.</p><p>Sangyeon wanted to take Younghoon around the house to show him all the doors were locked and then sing him to sleep but he knew this issue was deeper.</p><p>He thought Younghoon knew deep down that logically they were pretty safe within the house. But his mind still brought up the fear that someone could still come and hurt him. It was hard for Sangyeon to eradicate a deeply rooted fear.</p><p>“If anyone were to come in here…” Sangyeon decided to let the situation play out even though he was sure it wouldn’t happen. “Daddy wouldn’t let anything happen to you.”</p><p>“It might happen on accident.” Younghoon replied. “Because you have to protect Chanhee.”</p><p>Sangyeon bit his lip, not sure how to respond.</p><p>“Remember how I moved you out of Chanhee’s room?” Sangyeon asked. “What if… you slept with him again?”</p><p>Younghoon tilted his head, considering it.</p><p>“Maybe you would feel better having Chanhee there.” Sangyeon suggested. “If you want, we can move you back. Would you like that?”</p><p>Younghoon nodded in reply.</p><p>Sangyeon knew that Younghoon would still stay awake at times, and Chanhee would probably be up too since he was a light sleeper. But Younghoon might feel safer even if it was only his brain unconsciously knowing there was someone else there with him.</p><p>For Younghoon, it was worth a shot.</p><p>The next morning Sangyeon dedicated to moving Younghoon from his bedroom, back to Chanhee’s. Both boys were excited, which was a good thing. Sangyeon just hoped it might be able to solve their problem.</p><p>He had the day free so he didn’t mind letting the boys play along and be silly while he was trying to transfer things.</p><p>“I have a fun idea.” Sangyeon said once the move was complete. “How about we have breakfast for dinner tonight. Since everything is topsy turvy today.”</p><p>“Yay!” Chanhee squealed, jumping up and down.</p><p>Sangyeon chuckled and gave both of them an affectionate squeeze, before heading downstairs and starting dinner.</p><p>“Can I help?” Chanhee asked, following Sangyeon around.</p><p>He would just continue to be underfoot if Sangyeon didn’t give him something to do. Younghoon was content to read in the living room.</p><p>“You can mix the pancake ingredients together.” Sangyeon got Chanhee’s apron off of the hook and tied it securely. He had bought the apron on a whim because it was so cute. Chanhee looked adorable in it.</p><p>“I’m ready!” Chanhee made grabby hands for the bowl.</p><p>“Rules first.” Sangyeon had learned that rules were very important to lay down first. “No hands in the batter. Only spoons. And nothing comes out of the bowl, okay?”</p><p>Chanhee nodded vigorously but Sangyeon could tell he hadn’t paid attention to a word he said.</p><p>He still managed to keep everything in the bowl as he mixed. Even though Sangyeon caught him dipping his fingers in a few times to taste test.</p><p>He stood on his stool and watched Sangyeon cook the pancakes. He would alert Sangyeon every time one started to bubble and signal it was ready to be flipped.</p><p>Once Sangyeon made enough for the three of them, he stacked them on a plate and got out a couple eggs to scramble as well. He wasn’t paying attention as Chanhee moved his stool over to be right next to the stove.</p><p>He did turn around in time to see Chanhee place his hand flat on the pan he had used to cook the pancakes on. He yanked his hand back immediately, but the damage had already been done.</p><p>“Chanhee- shoot!” Sangyeon practically yanked him away from the stove.</p><p>Chanhee wailed loudly as Sangyeon lifted him with one arm around his waist. He flipped on the sink and guided his hand under the cold water.</p><p>“What were you doing?!” Sangyeon asked, his heart racing.</p><p>Chanhee just cried, his hand red under the cold water.</p><p>“Oh baby…” Sangyeon held him against the counter as he kept his hand under the water.</p><p>Younghoon came in, hearing the noise.</p><p>“Stay away from the stove!” Sangyeon warned.</p><p>Younghoon jumped a little at his stern order and a moment later his wide eyes filled with tears.</p><p>“Oh no- Younghoon…” Sangyeon didn’t mean to scare him but he was just so stressed in the moment.</p><p>“No, no, don’t cry!” Sangyeon practically begged him as his bottom lip trembled.</p><p>He adjusted Chanhee, making sure to hold his hand under the water still. Chanhee sobbed, basically being a deadweight in Sangyeon’s arms.</p><p>“Oh please, give me strength…” Sangyeon said to no one in particular.</p><p>He had to focus on Chanhee at the moment. He reached into the cupboard above them and grabbed a bowl which he filled with water. He set Chanhee on the counter and placed his hand in the bowl.</p><p>Younghoon sniffled behind him as Sangyeon stretched to the freezer while keeping a hand on Chanhee’s waist to keep him from falling off of the counter. He grabbed the ice tray and added just a couple ice cubes to the water. The ice cubes made the water cooler and helped draw the heat out of Chanhee’s burn.</p><p>“You’re okay.” Sangyeon pressed kisses against Chanhee’s tearstained cheeks.</p><p>He hiccupped tearfully and wrapped his good arm around Sangyeon’s neck. Sangyeon hugged him gently while holding his hand in the water.</p><p>“I’m sorry baby.” Sangyeon rubbed his back.</p><p>Chanhee stopped crying other than a few sniffles.</p><p>Sangyeon inspected his hand, still in the water. It was still scarlet red.</p><p>He turned back to Younghoon who was still standing in the same spot, holding his puppy dog plushie. He looked like a sad puppy with his chocolate eyes piercing Sangyeon’s heart.</p><p>“Come here.” Sangyeon beckoned him over softly. He hugged Sangyeon’s leg.</p><p>Chanhee lay his head on his shoulder at the same time.</p><p>“I’m sorry for yelling.” Sangyeon pet Younghoon’s head. “I didn’t mean to.”</p><p>He had just been scared by everything happening so fast but he didn’t want to say that to the boys and frighten them further.</p><p>“Am I going to be okay?” Chanhee mumbled.</p><p>“Of course you’re going to be okay!” Sangyeon pressed a kiss to the side of his head. “You’ll be just fine.”</p><p>They stayed like that for a minute, Sangyeon comforting both his boys.</p><p>“Daddy…” Chanhee spoke up.</p><p>“Yeah?” Sangyeon hummed.</p><p>“Can I have a pancake now?” he asked.</p><p>“Oh Chanhee-.” Sangyeon couldn’t help but laugh. “Yes. You can.”</p><p>Chanhee sat on the counter with his hand in the bowl of ice water, a pancake in his hand. He seemed content with getting to eat his pancake with his hand since Juyeon usually made him use his fork.</p><p>Sangyeon talked with Younghoon to calm him down as he sat on the floor eating his own pancake. Sangyeon couldn’t believe the situation he found himself in. It was almost laughable.</p><p>“I really need someone to help me out.” Sangyeon said aloud with a sigh.</p><p>“I’ll be a helper.” Younghoon spoke up from the floor.</p><p>“You’re a very good helper.” Sangyeon smiled. “I meant someone daddy’s age.”</p><p>“Like a mommy?” Chanhee asked.</p><p>He wiggled his fingers in the bowl which made Sangyeon feel a little better.</p><p>“Uh…” Sangyeon wasn’t sure how to respond.</p><p>“Juyeon!” Chanhee lit up. “Uncle Juyeon is daddy’s age! And he is a good daddy too.”</p><p>“Ah…” Sangyeon laughed, thought about it again, and laughed again.</p><p>“Sunwoo can sleep in my room!” Chanhee raised the hand holding his pancake. “We can go to school together.</p><p>“It would be nice to share the rent…” Sangyeon nodded.</p><p>“Okay.” Chanhee said with a note of finality. Sangyeon wasn’t sure if he thought it would really happen but he let it drop.</p><p>“Let’s get your hand wrapped up.” Sangyeon took Chanhee’s hand out of the cool water and applied some burn cream on it and then wrapped it. It hadn’t blistered so that was a good sign. The pan hadn’t been piping hot.</p><p>“I was going to give you a bath but I think we will skip tonight.” Sangyeon was tired and he didn’t trust that Chanhee wouldn’t play with toys with his hurt hand.</p><p>He read two stories to Chanhee and Younghoon, thinking they needed a longer time to wind down before bed.</p><p>When he tried to get Younghoon to go to his bed, he kept holding onto Sangyeon’s shirt.</p><p>“Do you want to sleep with daddy tonight?” Sangyeon asked.</p><p>Younghoon yawned but nodded.</p><p>Sangyeon settled him into bed next to him and then turned off the light.</p><p>“I love you baby.” Sangyeon gently brushed Younghoon’s bangs off of his forehead. “You make me so happy.”</p><p>Sangyeon was an encourager. He loved to give his boys verbal praises.</p><p>“Daddy stays with me forever?” Younghoon whispered.</p><p>“Yes.” Sangyeon affirmed him. He sometimes asked nervously if Sangyeon was really his permanent caretaker. “I’m here forever.”</p><p>Younghoon snuggled closer to him and let out a contented sigh.</p><p>“Goodnight Younghoon.” Sangyeon held him close.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Inspired by how often I burn myself because I cook every day. Fun fact, yes, burned hand because of touching a pancake pan. It can happen folks. I have been there. But anyways! I hope you liked it! I am super super excited to start working this into my main series! Keep an eye out for that! Have a lovely day/evening/night!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Juyeon</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi everyone! This is a bit of a short chapter! I have been so busy recently! the orphanage I work with in Kenya had to be evacuated and the children are in a safe place, but unrest is rising. If you would keep them in your thoughts, or consider supporting by spreading the word or giving financially that would be amazing! But anyways, enjoy this chapter!!</p><p>TW: Injury</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Winter was in full force and Juyeon was in heaven. He loved the winter time. He especially loved when it snowed. There was something magical about staying nice and warm, tucked into your warm house while the snow fell outside.</p><p>Juyeon helped Sunwoo and Kyu build a fort in the living room facing the window. It was a snow day so all of them got a day off.</p><p>They stacked pillows up inside the fort and snuggled under the blankets.</p><p>“Can I get a puppy for Christmas?” Sunwoo asked.</p><p>Juyeon laughed.</p><p>“We don’t need a puppy. I already have two puppies right here!” Juyeon cuddled Sunwoo and Kyu closer and either side of him.</p><p>“I mean a real puppy!” Sunwoo corrected him.</p><p>“Well… we’ll see.” Juyeon diverted. “What do you want for Christmas Kyu?”</p><p>“Um…” Kyu thought carefully, his head resting on Juyeon’s chest. “Seeds.”</p><p>“Seeds?” Juyeon asked.</p><p>“Yes.” Kyu nodded. “They grow flowers.”</p><p>“Ah…. Like Sunwoo’s science project at school?” Juyeon replied.</p><p>“Yes. I want my own flowers.” Kyu said.</p><p>“That’s a very good idea.” Juyeon hummed.</p><p>“I know what I want for Christmas!” Sunwoo raised his hand out of the blanket.</p><p>“What’s that?” Juyeon asked.</p><p>“I want Kyu to stay with us forever like me.” Sunwoo grinned at Kyu across Juyeon’s chest. Kyu smiled and giggled back.</p><p>Juyeon smiled. He wanted that too.</p><p>“And a puppy.” Sunwoo repeated.</p><p>Juyeon laughed and tickled him, making him squeal and squirm around.</p><p>They stayed in the fort most of the day. Sunwoo brought his toys inside and him and Kyu played happily.</p><p>Juyeon sat watching or playing with them.</p><p>He softened when Kyu climbed onto his lap while playing.</p><p>“I love you.” Juyeon murmured, pressing a kiss against Kyu’s soft hair. “I love you.”</p><p>“I made a kitty.” Kyu held up his block creation, oblivious to Juyeon’s internal thoughts.</p><p>“It’s beautiful.” Juyeon snuggled him closer. “You’re a good builder.”</p><p>Kyu smiled, leaning back into Juyeon as he played with his creation.</p><p>“I love you Sunwoo.” Juyeon said to the little boy immersed in his own toys.</p><p>“Love you too daddy.” Sunwoo said without looking up.</p><p>Juyeon pressed his face against Kyu’s shoulder, enjoying the moment before he would have to deal with the next day.</p><p>It was the first time Kyu would be staying over at his parent’s house since he had come to live with Juyeon. It was their first overnight stay.</p><p>Juyeon couldn’t help but be nervous. He had relied heavily on either his social worker being with them, or himself. The lack of supervision made him nervous.</p><p>Especially since Kyu’s parents were separated so it would also be the two parents coming together after a while.</p><p>“Are we going to the park?” Kyu asked as Juyeon helped him into his sweater the next day.</p><p>“Not today honey.” Juyeon tried to keep his tone neutral. “You’re going to a sleepover remember?”</p><p>Kyu nodded and held his hand out for Bibi. Juyeon retrieved it from the bed and handed it to him.</p><p>“Can I have a hug honey?” Juyeon sat on the floor and opened his arms for Kyu.</p><p>Kyu readily hugged him tightly, resting his head on Juyeon’s shoulder.</p><p>“I love you.” Juyeon told him, feeling emotional for some reason.</p><p>“I love you too daddy.” Kyu rubbed his nose against Juyeon’s shoulder.</p><p>Juyeon winced. He used to find it cute that Kyu called him daddy. Now it hurt too much.</p><p>When Kyu pulled back, Juyeon held him in place, pressing his hand to Kyu’s face gently. He tucked his soft hair behind his ear and brushed his finger over his chubby cheeks.</p><p>“My pretty baby.” he murmured. “You promise you’ll try to have fun? And tell daddy all about it?”</p><p>“Uh huh.” Kyu nodded and gave him a bright smile.</p><p>Juyeon glanced at the clock and his heart ached seeing it was already time.</p><p>He pulled Kyu forward and peppered his face with kisses, making him squeal. He wanted to pack as much love as possible into the last moments he had with Kyu before he sent him off into the unknown.</p><p>“I’m hungry.” Kyu rubbed his face with his hands after Juyeon was done.</p><p>“I don’t think we have time for breakfast.” Juyeon winced. “Maybe you can get something when…”</p><p>The doorbell rang then.</p><p>Kyu perked up, turning towards the noise.</p><p>“It's time.” Juyeon smiled. “I’ll get it.”</p><p>Kyu tried to pull him forward when the social worker came to get him but Juyeon stayed put in the house.</p><p>“I’m not going to go with you this time Kyu.” Juyeon had to remind him again. “You’re going to see your mommy and daddy.”</p><p>Kyu blinked at him with wide, confused eyes.</p><p>“It’s just for tonight.” Juyeon said softly, holding Kyu’s hands in his own. “That’s why I packed your backpack for you.”</p><p>He had told Kyu that he would be staying overnight at his parent’s ahead of time but he seemed a little confused. It was probably because he was too young to process why he would be bouncing back and forth.</p><p>Kyu let their social worker lead him away, staring back at Juyeon with sad eyes.</p><p>Juyeon waved at him and smiled, hoping he wouldn’t cry as soon as he got there.</p><p>When he was gone, Juyeon leaned his head against the door and let out a long breath. He sent up a quick prayer that Kyu would be okay.</p><p>“Daddy…” he was brought back to reality by Sunwoo calling him from the living room.</p><p>“Hi baby.” Juyeon sat next to him and pressed a kiss to his temple gently.</p><p>He hadn’t been able to spend as much time with Sunwoo with school and all their appointments.</p><p>“Kyu is going to come back right?” Sunwoo asked, looking concerned.</p><p>“Yes. He’ll be back tomorrow at lunch.” Juyeon nodded.</p><p>“Will he stay forever then?” Sunwoo asked. “Like me?”</p><p>“Um… I don’t know yet.” Juyeon leaned his back against the side of the couch.</p><p>“You have to pick him.” Sunwoo poked his finger at him as if it was that easy.</p><p>“Why should I pick him?” Juyeon asked, curious to what Sunwoo’s thought process was.</p><p>“Because he’s mine.” Sunwoo patted his chest. “He’s my Kyu so he has to stay with me.”</p><p>“I like that reason.” Juyeon smiled softly.</p><p>“Do you want to be his daddy?” Sunwoo asked, collecting his toys within a circle.</p><p>Juyeon shifted so he was laying on his side, head pillowed by his elbow, just watching Sunwoo play.</p><p>“I do want to be his daddy.” he replied. “I don’t get to choose though.”</p><p>“Why?” Sunwoo looked confused.</p><p>“Remember how I had to do lots of things to get you?” Juyeon asked him. “I have to do those things with Kyu. Maybe I’ll get to be his daddy in the end.”</p><p>“What if you don’t?” A hint of worry passed over Sunwoo’s face.</p><p>Juyeon was silent, not sure how to respond.</p><p>“I’ll still love him just as much. And you too.” Juyeon raised himself up enough to rub his nose against Sunwoo’s making him snuffle.</p><p>Sunwoo seemed to accept that answer.</p><p>“Can we have octopus for dinner?” he changed the subject.</p><p>“Octopus sausages?” Juyeon smiled. “Sure.”</p><p>“We can save some for Kyu when he comes home.” Sunwoo said.</p><p>“Sweet boy…” Juyeon rubbed his back and then stood to make dinner.</p><p>He slept with Sunwoo that night, enjoying laying with his warm cuddly boy. His stress melted away enough that he could sleep comfortably.</p><p>In the morning, Sunwoo had to be dropped off at school. He pouted a little bit but didn’t cry or throw a fit. Juyeon was so proud of him, he promised to get him ice cream later.</p><p>He drove to Kyu’s parent’s house to pick him up next.</p><p>He was a little early but he couldn’t wait to have Kyu back with him. Kyu’s mother opened the door and Juyeon’s heart dropped. She was obviously high, waving him into the house even though Juyeon wanted to stay outside.</p><p>Kyu sat on the floor, still in his pajamas, a bowl of cereal in his hands. The house was a mess and there were far too many packs of cigarettes lying around.</p><p>“Hi honey.” Juyeon picked him up when Kyu set his cereal down and ran to him. “Did you have a good time?”</p><p>Kyu didn’t respond but he wasn’t crying and didn’t seem distressed. Bibi was next to his backpack on the couch so that was a good sign.</p><p>“Take him.” Kyu’s mother waved them away dismissively.</p><p>Juyeon awkward trekked further into the house to grab Kyu’s backpack and his stuffie. As he bent down with Kyu in his arms, Kyu let out a little whine.</p><p>“You okay bud?” Juyeon asked, straightening up.</p><p>Kyu nodded, burying his face against Juyeon’s neck.</p><p>“Good. He’s here.” Juyeon turned to find Kyu’s father in the room.</p><p>He awkwardly inclined his head and headed to the door.</p><p>Juyeon cradled Kyu in his arms as he walked to the car. He could feel Kyu’s father’s eyes on him but he didn’t turn back around.</p><p>“Let’s go home and play before Sunwoo gets home.” Juyeon smiled, sitting him in his carseat.</p><p>“Too tight-.” Kyu kicked his foot out as Juyeon strapped him in.</p><p>Juyeon frowned. The straps were the same length as usual. He loosened them a little anyways.</p><p>“Let’s go.” he tapped Kyu’s nose and earned a smile.</p><p>When they got home, Kyu ran to his bedroom, looking for Sunwoo.</p><p>“He’s at school!” Juyeon reminded him.</p><p>Kyu was excited when they picked Sunwoo up. He wiggled his feet and waved his arms when Sunwoo joined him in the carseat beside him.</p><p>“You came back!” Sunwoo excitedly hugged him as best he could and then placed a clumsy kiss on his forehead.</p><p>Kyu giggled and hid his face behind Bibi, shy of the attention.</p><p>“You missed octopus for dinner but I saved two for you.” Sunwoo filled him in on what he had missed. “Daddy also said we get ice cream tonight.”</p><p>Juyeon smiled at the two of them. He was glad to have the two of them together again.</p><p>When they got home, Juyeon stayed true to his word and served them ice cream.</p><p>They chattered happily, Kyu’s giggles ringing through the house.</p><p>Juyeon let them stay up a little later than they probably should have, knowing it was the weekend the next day.</p><p>When he finally told them to wash up, Sunwoo ran off immediately. Kyu moved his dog toy across the floor, making soft sound effects.</p><p>“Bedtime for you too.” Juyeon reached down and lifted.</p><p>“Ow- daddy…” Kyu blurted out as Juyeon lifted him up.</p><p>Juyeon paused. Kyu had been making weird comments all day but he definitely knew something was wrong then. He crouched in front of Kyu and tried to meet his eyes.</p><p>“Are you hurting somewhere?” he asked. “Did it hurt for me to pick you up?”</p><p>Kyu nodded slowly.</p><p>“Can I see where?” Juyeon asked, dread filling his heart.</p><p>Kyu nodded again, clutching his toy tighter in his hand.</p><p>Something dark and fierce rose up in Juyeon as he pulled up Kyu’s shirt to see why he had whimpered.</p><p>“How did you get hurt honey?” he asked in a low tone, not looking directly at Kyu.</p><p>Kyu shifted nervously, his fingers fluttering at his sides.</p><p>“Tell me how you got hurt.” Juyeon repeated, gently running his hand down Kyu’s arm for encouragement.</p><p>“Told me not to tell…” Kyu murmured, looking at Juyeon anxiously.</p><p>Juyeon gently took his face in his hands, trying to stay calm.</p><p>“Daddy is asking you honey. Tell me what happened.” Juyeon prompted.</p><p>Kyu opened his mouth slightly and then shook his head. Juyeon could feel his heart start to race as he gently cupped his face, feeling his pulse shoot up when he brushed over his pulse point.</p><p>“Please baby.” Juyeon pleaded, his own heart pounding in his chest.</p><p>He could see Kyu wouldn’t do it. He was too anxious and pressured. It made Juyeon want to scream.</p><p>“I’m so sorry.”</p><p>Juyeon pressed his forehead against Kyu’s.</p><p>“I am so sorry… I shouldn’t have let you go.” Juyeon murmured, trembling a little bit with emotion.</p><p>He didn’t want to scare Kyu, but he was so close to calling his social worker, or Kyu’s parents, or even the police. He just felt the need to do something.</p><p>But Kyu came first.</p><p>Juyeon couldn’t stop giving Kyu gentle kisses and snuggles, trying to remind him how loved he was and that he would be okay. Kyu only cried a little, just a short time because he was overwhelmed.</p><p>Juyeon messaged Sangyeon as he put Kyu and Sunwoo down for bed, sensing a storm breaking soon.</p><p>When Sangyeon knocked softly on the door, Juyeon stopped his pacing to answer. He slipped outside and closed the door behind him.</p><p>“Hey.” Sangyeon greeted him. “How are you.”</p><p>Juyeon turned away from him, walking a few short steps on the porch and turning back. He felt like a rubber band pulled tightly, his chest taut and quivering. He covered his eyes with his hand, standing still and tilting his head to the ground.</p><p>“Did something go wrong?” Sangyeon’s voice was concerned.</p><p>Juyeon lifted his head and tried to look at him through blurry vision.</p><p>“I- love that kid so much.” Juyeon choked out and then pressed his fingertips to his lips to keep himself from sobbing.</p><p>Sangyeon’s shoulders slumped a little and he nodded in understanding.</p><p>“I-I just wanted to keep him s-safe-.” Juyeon wiped his sleeve over his eyes.</p><p>Sangyeon reached forward and squeezed his arm.</p><p>“He’s just a child!” Juyeon finally burst out, the tears coming as well.</p><p>Sangyeon pulled him into a hug, rubbing his back gently.</p><p>“I don’t know what they did but… he- Sangyeon he’s just a kid. He shouldn’t have bruises a-and scrapes from his own p-parents!” Juyeon sniffled.</p><p>“I know.” Sangyeon murmured and Juyeon knew he understood. He understood loving someone else’s child as your own.</p><p>“He’s going to break my heart.” Juyeon gasped, resting his forehead against Sangyeon’s shoulder. “He’s going to leave and break my heart.”</p><p>“Don’t go there yet.” Sangyeon tried to console him.</p><p>“I should have never taken in another one.” Juyeon sobbed, completely breaking down.</p><p>“Hey-.” Sangyeon drew back and gripped his arms firmly, looking deeply into his eyes. “Don’t ever regret giving that little boy in there a safe, loving home.”</p><p>“I don’t.” Juyeon rubbed his nose with his sweater sleeve. “I just wish I didn’t have to go through this.”</p><p>“This is what makes you such a good father.” Sangyeon told him. “This is what will make a difference in his life.”</p><p>Juyeon nodded, trying to calm down.</p><p>“You’re doing so well.” Sangyeon rubbed his arm. “Don’t beat yourself up.”</p><p>“I’m just tired.” Juyeon admitted. “I wish it could just be over. I wish I didn’t have to worry about all the issues separate from my household.”</p><p>“It’s normal.” Sangyeon smiled. “There is nothing wrong with that.”</p><p>Juyeon smiled back, exhaustion settling heavily into his bones.</p><p>“Who knew I would want sleep more than anything in the world.” Juyeon sighed.</p><p>“You should rest.” Sangyeon told him.</p><p>“You just got here and now I want to go to bed.” Juyeon laughed.</p><p>“That’s what I’m here for.” Sangyeon smiled. “I was just getting groceries anyways before heading to pick up my boys.”</p><p>“Are they at your parents?” Juyeon walked him to his car.</p><p>“Nah, with Jacob.” Sangyeon smiled. “I thought some playmates would be nice for Haknyeon. Jacob always cheers up with them too.”</p><p>“Is he doing okay?” Juyeon asked, referring to his current situation with Hyunjae.</p><p>“He’s managing.” Sangyeon sighed. “Most likely he will crash once Hyunjae is actually gone.”</p><p>“He’s really giving him up?” Juyeon frowned sadly.</p><p>“He’s doing what Hyunjae wants.” Sangyeon nodded. “Poor kid probably doesn’t even know what he’s leaving.”</p><p>“Maybe I’ll bring him something at work…” Juyeon thought. “Or bring over dinner or something.”</p><p>“Sounds good.” Sangyeon nodded. “Hey… take care of yourself too, okay?”</p><p>“I will.” Juyeon waved as he got into his car.</p><p>As much as he tried to put it out of his mind, he couldn’t sleep. He tossed and turned relentlessly, feeling sick to his stomach.</p><p>Apparently, Kyu couldn’t sleep either.</p><p>“Daddy?” he cautiously pushed Juyeon’s door open.</p><p>“Mm hm. I’m here.” Juyeon was out of bed in an instant, padding over to Kyu.</p><p>“Can I sleep with you?” Kyu asked.</p><p>“Ah… I can’t bud.” Juyeon winced. “But I can sit with you for a minute. Is that okay?”</p><p>Kyu nodded so Juyeon brought him to the couch in the living room. He sat him on the couch and turned on the lamp, a warm glow settling over the room.</p><p>Juyeon let Kyu shift around and get comfortable on his lap so he didn’t accidentally hurt him.</p><p>“Are you feeling okay?” Juyeon gently stroked his tummy.</p><p>“Do I have to go back to the other house?” Kyu asked.</p><p>“Mm… not for a little bit.” was all that Juyeon could offer.</p><p>“I want to stay here with you and Sunwoo.” Kyu murmured, rubbing his eyes.</p><p>“We missed you.” Juyeon kissed the top of his head.</p><p>He loved Kyu so much he would do just about anything in order for Kyu to be able to stay with him and Sunwoo.</p><p>“Kyu…” Juyeon asked cautiously. “Do you want to tell me how you got hurt now?”</p><p>Kyu shifted on his lap and hugged Bibi closer.</p><p>“Mommy hit me with her car.”</p><p>Juyeon sat stunned.</p><p>“She what?” he asked, not sure if he had heard right.</p><p>“She moved her car and hit me.” Kyu repeated. “But it was an accident. And… she told me not to tell.”</p><p>Juyeon blinked for a moment and then gently sat Kyu up and turned him to face him.</p><p>“Tell me what happened.” Juyeon said. “It’s okay to tell me. I promise.”</p><p>“We went to the store for cereal and when I walked to the house, the car went backwards and hit me.” Kyu recounted the incident. “I got knocked down.”</p><p>“Oh my…” Juyeon couldn’t believe what he was hearing. It seemed like an accident. And it had seemed like more of a bump than anything, but it was still terrifying that it happened.</p><p>“Does it hurt right now?” Juyeon lightly placed his hand on Kyu’s chest.</p><p>“No.” Kyu shook his head.</p><p>Juyeon checked his bruise again, just in case. He would love to take Kyu to the hospital to be safe, but he seemed fine at the moment and it was late.</p><p>“I’m so sorry honey.” Juyeon pet his hair softly. “That won’t happen again.”</p><p>“It’s okay.” Kyu eased back down against him. “I’m happy now that I’m back with daddy.”</p><p>“I’m glad too.” Juyeon rested his cheek on Kyu’s head.</p><p>He was so glad Kyu was safe. He was glad he knew what the incident was so he could hopefully make sure it never happened again, or anything close. He would have to update his caseworker.</p><p>Kyu started to fall asleep against Juyeon as he rubbed his back. Juyeon took slow deep breaths, trying to reassure himself that Kyu was really there, safe and sound.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>No ending note today! Just Juyeon best boy!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Jacob</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Surprise! The much anticipated chapter coming way earlier than I planned! So yeah it's probably not the best but I know many of you were on the edge of your seats so I didn't want to drag in on too much! I think everyone will hate me just a little for this chapter but I will soon update Shelter so we can see how the storylines play out! Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Jacob was sure nothing was more painful than losing a child, even if Hyunjae wasn’t his son by blood. He wanted to reverse time and do everything over. He knew Hyunjae was going through a hard time, but it was so hard to process that he had pushed Jacob away.</p><p>Hanna was devastated as well, choosing to throw herself into being productive rather than dwell on things too much. Life went on. Even with a broken heart.</p><p>The first couple of days, Hyunjae was volatile, switching between angry or sad but all the while keeping all of them at a distance. Except for Haknyeon. He couldn’t reject Haknyeon.</p><p>“Do you want me to make you breakfast?”</p><p>Jacob asked hesitantly. Hyunjae had refused to let Jacob do anything for him for a while.</p><p>Jacob tried to tell himself that Hyunjae was just confused. He saw Jacob as the reason his mom had been taken away from him. It would make any child bitter. But Jacob continued to treat Hyunjae with the same love and care as always.</p><p>“I’ll get it myself.” Hyunjae grumbled, moving past him to do his own thing.</p><p>Haknyeon happily ate his cereal, oblivious of what was happening. Jacob would have to tell him soon. Jacob had explained the situation to their caseworker and Hyunjae was already set to leave once they found him a new home.</p><p>At the moment, Jacob set his responsibility aside. He wasn’t ready for that step yet.</p><p>Later that evening, Jacob still wasn’t ready. Hyunjae was sitting at the table, obviously frustrated over his homework, but Jacob didn’t push his boundaries by offering to help.</p><p>“When is dinner?” Haknyeon whined from the living room, also not in the best mood.</p><p>“Mommy is bringing home food.” Jacob reminded him.</p><p>Haknyeon whined and tossed one of his toys aside angrily.</p><p>Jacob retrieved it only for it to be thrown back at him this time.</p><p>“It’s not nice to throw things at people.” Jacob scolded him.</p><p>“I can’t be nice when I’m hungry.” Haknyeon pouted.</p><p>“Please try.” Jacob sighed, patting his head.</p><p>He returned to the kitchen to find a snack to hold Haknyeon over but he was distracted by Hyunjae letting out a frustrated breath.</p><p>“Need anything?” Jacob checked just in case.</p><p>“I don’t understand how to do this.” Hyunjae mumbled, moving his book to the side.</p><p>Jacob saw it as an invitation to help him.</p><p>“Alright.” Jacob sat and looked over the problem. “Let’s look at it another way.”</p><p>After a few moments, they had it figured out.</p><p>“Daddy…” Haknyeon leaned on Jacob’s knee.</p><p>“Thank you.” Hyunjae said, avoiding Jacob’s eyes.</p><p>“You’re welcome.” Jacob nodded. “Now what is it Hak? You’ve been awfully whiny today.”</p><p>He lifted the little boy onto his lap anyway and pressed a kiss to his nose.</p><p>“Hungry.” Haknyeon demanded, his face scrunched up into a frown.</p><p>“You’re always hungry.” Jacob teased, giving him a little squeeze.</p><p>“I can get him a snack.” Hyunjae stood, surprising Jacob.</p><p>“Uh- do you want to get a little something with Hyunjae?” Jacob asked.</p><p>Haknyeon nodded and reached for Hyunjae, who picked him up.</p><p>“Okay.” Jacob nodded, sadness hitting him again when he thought of how their dynamic would be broken. They got along so well.</p><p>He decided he would tell Haknyeon tomorrow night.</p><p>The next night came way too fast and Jacob wasn’t ready. But Haknyeon was in a good mood and he had primed him with a snack beforehand.</p><p>Hyunjae was there too, though Jacob hadn’t really planned it that way.</p><p>“They’re stuck together.” Haknyeon held up his gummies for Hyunjae to see.</p><p>“Wow that’s so cool.” Hyunjae smiled.</p><p>“Maybe it was a mistake when they make them.” Haknyeon pondered.</p><p>“Maybe.” Hyunjae replied, not tearing his eyes away from Hyunjae.</p><p>“Yummy…” Haknyeon was lost in his own world but Jacob could see Hyunjae was completely absorbed in him.</p><p>Jacob didn’t want to do it but he had to break the news to Haknyeon.</p><p>“Hak honey, I have something to talk with you about.” Jacob joined them in the living room.</p><p>Haknyeon kept staring at his gummies but Jacob trusted he was listening.</p><p>“Hyunjae is going to leave soon.” Jacob said gently. “He’s going to a new home.”</p><p>“Huh?” Haknyeon frowned.</p><p>“He’s leaving in a few days.” Jacob bit his lip. He wasn’t sure how Haknyeon would respond.</p><p>“Why are you leaving?” Haknyeon looked at Hyunjae, very confused.</p><p>“I don’t have a mom anymore.” Hyunjae responded. “So, I have to go.”</p><p>Jacob wished he could tell Hyunjae he didn’t have to go anywhere, but he held it in.</p><p>“I don’t want you to leave.” Haknyeon frowned deeply.</p><p>“I’m sorry.” Hyunjae looked so sad.</p><p>“Can I visit you?” Haknyeon asked.</p><p>“I don’t think so…” Hyunjae murmured.</p><p>Haknyeon processed it for a minute, returning his focus to his gummies. He didn’t further the conversation. Jacob didn’t know if he should repeat anything.</p><p>Hyunjae nodded after a bit and then headed to his room. Jacob stared at Haknyeon finishing up his gummies and then let his head rest in his hands.</p><p>He didn’t know what he expected but the situation generally felt awful. It was like everything was slipping away and it felt painfully… normal.</p><p>“I’m done.” Haknyeon held his empty baggy to Jacob. Jacob took it with a sigh, leaning back against the couch. </p><p>Jacob closed his eyes for a few moments. He was drawn back to the present by Haknyeon sniffling.</p><p>“What’s wrong honey?” Jacob looked at him.</p><p>He sat on the floor, tears rolling down his face and his lower lip wobbling. He stood and went to Jacob, sitting in his lap and hugging him.</p><p>“Why are you crying?” Jacob asked, rubbing his hand down his back gently.</p><p>“I d-don’t want him t-to leave-.” Haknyeon hiccupped.</p><p>“Oh baby…” Jacob kissed his shoulder. “I don’t either…”</p><p>“He has to stay.” Haknyeon sniffled pitifully.</p><p>“I’m sorry.” Jacob didn’t have any comfort to offer since he couldn’t even offer any to himself.</p><p>“Can I use my words?” Haknyeon asked.</p><p>Jacob’s heart squeezed painfully. They had tried to teach Haknyeon that if he used his words then people would be more likely to know what he wanted.</p><p>“I don’t think so bud.” Jacob whispered.</p><p>He let Haknyeon cry a little and then set him down so he could go to Hyunjae. He ran off to see him, still hoping he could ask Hyunjae to stay.</p><p>Jacob knew that they had been warned of the heartbreak of having to let go of your foster child, but he didn’t expect it to cut so deeply. He had wished for more time with Hyunjae. More opportunities to let Hyunjae know he loved him.</p><p>It made Jacob extra affection when he got Haknyeon ready for bed, his eyes still red from his meltdown upon his realization that Hyunjae would be leaving.</p><p>Haknyeon was in a mood about it so bedtime routines were harder.</p><p>“I don’t want to brush my teeth.” Haknyeon crossed his arms, determined to make things harder on Jacob.</p><p>“Well… you don’t really have a choice.” Jacob sighed, wishing he could just give in but he had given in a few too many times and he didn’t want to make a bad habit.</p><p>They wrestled through brushing teeth but managed to accomplish it. Jacob hugged Haknyeon even though he was angry afterwards.</p><p>“I’m mad at you.” Haknyeon pointed at him as he got into bed.</p><p>“Why is that honey?” Jacob sat down tiredly next to him and handed him his softest plushie.</p><p>“Because you aren’t telling Hyunjae to stay here.” Haknyeon explained.</p><p>“I can’t though.” Jacob tried to explain to him.</p><p>“Yes you can.” Haknyeon argued. “You’re daddy so you have to make him obey.”</p><p>“If only it worked like that.” Jacob sighed. “I can’t force him.”</p><p>Haknyeon glared at his response, crossing his arms under his covers.</p><p>“Goodnight Hak.” Jacob kissed him goodnight, trying to kiss away his frown. “I’ll see you in the morning.”</p><p>Haknyeon grumbled a goodnight and then rolled over in bed to sleep. Jacob turned on his night light and left the room quietly.</p><p>When he turned in the hall, he found Hyunjae standing in the door of his bedroom.</p><p>“Wanna talk?” Jacob asked, reading his body language.</p><p>Hyunjae nodded and retreated back into his room.</p><p>Jacob followed, closing the door behind him. Hyunjae sat on the floor with his back against the side of his bed. Jacob sat beside him.</p><p>“I feel bad.” Hyunjae spoke first.</p><p>“What about?” Jacob asked.</p><p>“Haknyeon was sadder than I thought he would be.” Hyunjae clarified. “I feel like I’m letting him down.”</p><p>Jacob nodded slowly.</p><p>“Will he… be okay?” Hyunjae asked hesitantly.</p><p>“He’ll miss you.” Jacob answered honestly. “But I’ll make sure he’s okay.”</p><p>“W-Will you miss me?” Hyunjae asked, so quietly that Jacob almost didn’t catch it.</p><p>He looked at Hyunjae who had his gaze cast down.</p><p>“Of course I will.”</p><p>Hyunjae fiddled with the sleeves of his sweater.</p><p>“Maybe you don’t have to miss me…” Hyunjae murmured.</p><p>“Why is that?” Jacob frowned slightly.</p><p>“I…I-.” Hyunjae bit his lip. “I don’t know… I just- I don’t want everyone to be sad.”</p><p>Jacob felt like he could drown in the sadness pulling him down, but he knew Hyunjae was afraid of that. He could sense that Hyunjae was worried for them.</p><p>“You can find someone else like me… right?” Hyunjae asked.</p><p>Jacob gazed at him for a moment. There would never be anyone like Hyunjae.</p><p>“I’m sure we’ll be fine.” Jacob said, hoping to make Hyunjae feel better. He missed the way Hyunjae’s face fell.</p><p>“I uh… have these for you.” Hyunjae stood and retrieved something from his desk.</p><p>Jacob stared at what he extended down to him.</p><p>It was all of the CDs that Jacob had bought for him over the weeks and months.</p><p>“Why are you giving them to me?” Jacob didn’t reach to take them yet.</p><p>“Because-.” Hyunjae’s voice caught. “I don’t have anything to give you.”</p><p>“You don’t have to give me anything.” Jacob replied easily. “You’ve given me more than material things.</p><p>“Please take them…” Hyunjae persisted. “I don’t want to listen to them anymore…”</p><p>Jacob didn’t trust himself to speak without breaking down again so he accepted the CDs silently.</p><p>“I’ll let you get some sleep.” Jacob said softly, wanting to go to his room and maybe cry.</p><p>“Could we maybe… watch a movie?” Hyunjae asked, surprising Jacob.</p><p>“Um yeah, that’s fine.” Jacob stood. “Set one up and I’ll join you in a bit.”</p><p>He went to his room and set Hyunjae’s CDs on his dresser, taking a deep breath. It was hard to accept that Hyunjae was going through the process of leaving with Jacob trailing behind. He couldn’t commit to what was happening.</p><p>When he joined Hyunjae on the couch, he sat on the far side, needing space. For Hyunjae but also for him. He couldn’t focus on the movie, staring numbly.</p><p>Halfway through, he noticed Hyunjae had his sleeve pressed against his mouth, tears slipping down his cheeks.</p><p>“Hey…” Jacob scooted over and touched his shoulder. “Are you okay?”</p><p>“The movie is sad.” Hyunjae sniffed.</p><p>“Oh…” Jacob nodded, not sure if he should comfort or not.</p><p>He sat, separated from Hyunjae but not as far as before.</p><p>“I leave in two days.” Hyunjae said, out of nowhere.</p><p>“Yeah.” Jacob nodded.</p><p>Nothing else was said. Hyunjae cried through the rest of the movie and Jacob sat, crying on the inside.</p><p>The day he had to leave came faster than he wanted.</p><p>It was Jacob’s responsibility to take Hyunjae back, along with his few belongings, and the new ones he had accumulated. It took a lot for Jacob to get up in the morning.</p><p>Haknyeon was up early, not leaving Hyunjae’s side as he gathered a few last things. Haknyeon talked nonstop to Hyunjae, trying to get him to remember everything about them, including Haknyeon’s favorite colors, favorite toys, and least favorite foods.</p><p>“It’s time now.” Jacob gently placed his hand on Haknyeon’s head.</p><p>Haknyeon furiously squished his stimming dinosaur toy in his hand, staring at Hyunjae with sad eyes.</p><p>“Can I have a hug goodbye?” Hyunjae asked, crouching down.</p><p>Haknyeon hugged him, laying his head on his shoulder.</p><p>Jacob looked away.</p><p>He knew Hyunjae was confused and hurt and he wanted away from all of the painful memories, but he would miss all the good ones they made.</p><p>It was only as they drove that Jacob spoke to Hyunjae.</p><p>“If you ever need anything, I’ll still see you at school.” Jacob told him.</p><p>“Will you tutor me?” Hyunjae asked curiously.</p><p>“If your new family wants that… then yes.” Jacob agreed.</p><p>“Cool…” Hyunjae held his backpack on his lap.</p><p>He looked so small next to Jacob. He was reminded that he was so young even though he sometimes acted older.</p><p>“If anyone makes fun of you, or hurts you, come to me okay?” Jacob told him.</p><p>“I will.” Hyunjae nodded.</p><p>Jacob nodded, keeping his eyes glued to the road.</p><p>“We can still be friends, right?” Hyunjae asked hesitantly.</p><p>“Of course we can.” Jacob knew things would never be like they were but he didn’t want to accept a total goodbye.</p><p>“Maybe, later on, I’ll see you more often.” Hyunjae said. “Because… I want to be a teacher like you.”</p><p>“Oh really?” It was a surprise to Jacob.</p><p>“I want to help kids like me.” Hyunjae nodded sincerely.</p><p>“I’m glad to hear it.” Jacob smiled warmly.</p><p>They pulled into the parking lot and Jacob’s heart sank again. He wasn’t distraught like he thought he would be. It felt kind of numb. He checked Hyunjae in mechanically.</p><p>“I guess this is goodbye for now.” Jacob said, still unable to call it a final goodbye.</p><p>“Uh huh…” Hyunjae bit his lip.</p><p>“Can I give you a hug?” Jacob checked before making a move.</p><p>Hyunjae didn’t respond, just stepped forward and hugged him.</p><p>They didn’t separate for a long time. Hyunjae held Jacob tightly like he wanted to savor the moment.</p><p>Finally they had to split apart and Hyunjae waved his true last goodbye. Jacob smiled at him and returned to his car, barely holding himself together.</p><p>He broke on the way home. He came home to an empty house since Haknyeon and Hanna were at an appointment.</p><p>Jacob went to his room and sat on the floor, burying his face in his hands as he cried. He had never felt such heartbreak before. He felt so alone even knowing Hanna and Haknyeon were still there.</p><p>He raised his head and the CDs Hyunjae had given him caught his eye. He stood and retrieved them before leaning against his bed again.</p><p>He smiled through his tears remembering how much Hyunjae loved going to get them. The way his eyes lit up and he talked excitedly to Jacob warmed his heart.</p><p>He traced his fingers over the case and then opened one up to look at the CD. When he opened it there was a paper inside? Jacob frowned and set the CD down to look at the paper.</p><p>He read through the words once and then over again. With shaking hands, he reached for the next CD. There was a paper in that one as well. As Jacob read them, he realized what they were.</p><p>Hyunjae had written a page for each CD that he got which traced back his favorite memories from the week. Every page was his deepest feelings poured out.</p><p>Jacob unfolded the last paper from his most recent CD with trembling hands. He read through a veil of tears the words Hyunjae had written, crammed onto a page and scrawled on the back.</p><p>The last line caught his eyes. This one was addressed directly to Jacob.</p><p>
  <em>I will miss having my own family most of all. I wish I didn’t tell them I wanted to leave.</em>
</p><p>Jacob’s mind raced suddenly, tracing back over the time since Hyunjae had become free for adoption.</p><p>Hyunjae had been adamant at first. He had repeatedly told Jacob he wanted to leave. But as time went on, he stopped. There were so many moments that Jacob didn’t understand. So many moments where Hyunjae acted as if he was… sad to leave.</p><p>Jacob was still confused but he stood, grabbing his keys and heading to the person who needed him most in the moment. He raced back, hoping he would be in time.</p><p>Jacob sprinted back into the building he had just dropped Hyunjae off at, his heart pounding.</p><p>“Excuse me-.” Jacob said breathlessly to the receptionist. “I just dropped a boy off about an hour ago. Ten years old. His name is Hyunjae. I need to see him.”</p><p>“They just checked him out.” The receptionist replied. “He’s leaving with a case worker now.”</p><p>Jacob didn’t even stay to thank her; he dashed back out of the building and scanned the parking lot. A van was pulling out of a parking space. Jacob threw caution to the wind and sprinted after it, running directly in front of it to get it to stop.</p><p>As soon as it stopped, he ran around to the side and yanked the door open. His caseworker made a noise of surprise from the driver’s seat, but Jacob ignored everything around him except for one boy.</p><p>Hyunjae stared back at him with wide eyes.</p><p>“Hyunjae-.” Jacob gasped. “Don’t leave-.”</p><p>He looked confused, frowning slightly at Jacob.</p><p>“I-I wanted you to stay this whole time.” Jacob continued. “I never wanted to send you away. I only let you go- because I thought that was what you wanted…”</p><p>Jacob leaning further into the car, placing his hand on Hyunjae’s knee.</p><p>“Do you want to leave? Is that what you want?” Jacob asked, his heart pounding in his chest.</p><p>“No…” Hyunjae shook his head. “I wanted to stay with you but… I didn’t know if you still wanted me.”</p><p>“Of course I still want you!” Jacob cradled Hyunjae’s face in his hands. “I’ve always wanted you.”</p><p>Hyunjae’s eyes glistened with unshed tears that Jacob was ready to wipe away.</p><p>“I was so blind a-and confused that I didn’t see all the ways you were asking me to let you stay.” Jacob’s voice caught. “I never wanted you to think I was forcing you away.”</p><p>“It’s my fault because I didn’t say anything.” Hyunjae murmured. “I tried but…”</p><p>“No.” Jacob shook his head. “I should have fought for you. I will fight for you. I’m not letting you leave now.”</p><p>“I was so scared…” Hyunjae’s hand reached up to curl in Jacob’s sweater as a few tears slid down his cheeks.</p><p>“It’s okay.” Jacob pulled him into a hug. “I’m here now.”</p><p>“I wanted to ask you so many times but I didn’t know how.” Hyunjae wrapped his arms around Jacob’s waist tightly.</p><p>“When you asked me if I would miss you, you were actually asking me if you could stay, weren’t you?” Jacob asked.</p><p>“Uh huh. I didn’t want to leave Haknyeon either.” Hyunjae admitted. “I thought you would be angry at me because I told you I wanted to leave so much.”</p><p>“Oh I could never.” Jacob squeezed him closer. “I just didn’t know when you changed your mind.”</p><p>“Can I go home?” Hyunjae asked.</p><p>Jacob shared a look with their caseworker who was still in the front seat. They nodded.</p><p>“I’ll take you home.” Jacob nodded. “You’re coming home with me.”</p><p>Needless to say, Hanna and Haknyeon were both shocked when Jacob came back with Hyunjae. Haknyeon was over the moon excited, as were Hanna and Jacob.</p><p>The adoption process took a long time, but every moment was highly anticipated. It was still hard for Hyunjae to express that he wanted to stay sometimes, but Jacob knew that deep down he didn’t want to be anywhere else.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I am sorry for tricking you all, if you fell for it hahah I could never have them separate but I did want to show that lots of the time, foster parents go through the struggle of losing their kid and it's really hard!<br/>One more chapter to go (Sangyeon) and then I was going to post a special chapter for chapter 10 with a lot of softness and a lot of Kyu and Younghoon bonding since I will be doing a side story for them! (I've been working on it but it's a secret) Since I am apparently in a spoiling mood, I am also doing an offshoot story with Minho, Jisung and two other characters that are new to the universe! I will tease that more in Shelter though lol!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Sangyeon</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I hope everyone is doing well and staying safe! I'm updating again so soon because I have a lot of schoolwork since my school ends on the 8th! I probably won't update until sometime around then! For now, have this chapter which is second to last! I am not sure if I should put a trigger warning, but a man is a bit mean to Younghoon. He's brash and isn't sensitive to the fact that Younghoon may have different needs than another child. Just a warning for that! It was something I directly witnessed once and it made me like... really angry hehe. The words he says are not nice AND definitely not true. Though many children who are adopted or fostered have trauma or setbacks that they may have to work through, there is nothing wrong with them. A person is a person no matter their background so the man shouldn't have thought, much less called Younghoon a kid with problems. Just putting it out there because I wrote it feeling some angry emotions from my experience! Sorry about that!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sangyeon’s least favorite thing was parties or get togethers. It seemed crazy because they were supposed to be fun, but it was hard with two kids. It had been hard enough with Chanhee. Sangyeon had never taken Younghoon with him somewhere where there were lots of people until now.</p><p>It was a party his parents were throwing. It was mostly to celebrate his sister graduating, but it was also for his parents to have an excuse to have their friends over too. Which meant there was a lot of people there.</p><p>Sangyeon started to feel apprehensive as he parked his car on the street because the driveway was full. Younghoon was still a little uncomfortable with strangers and Chanhee was far too comfortable.</p><p>Sangyeon kept a tight grip on both of their hands as they headed inside. Luckily, there was an area for the kids to play that his mom had set up ahead of time. Chanhee made a beeline for the toys, immediately greeting the other kids already there. Younghoon was a bit more cautious to join, but he did eventually.</p><p>Sangyeon settled in with some of his own acquaintances at the table. The evening went surprisingly well, neither Chanhee or Younghoon having any problems. Of course as the night went on things got a little rowdier.</p><p>The kids began to play tag which turned into playing tag a bit too aggressively. Sangyeon was paying attention but also not really. He missed when one of the kids grabbed Younghoon a bit too hard and didn’t let go for a bit too long. He did hear the crying when Younghoon pushed the kid away.</p><p>It all happened kind of fast. The parent of the kid who had been pushed intervened but not in a healthy way.</p><p>“Say you’re sorry.” Sangyeon perked up hearing the man speak. He was addressing Younghoon who stood still on the carpet.</p><p>“Go ahead. Say you’re sorry.” The man urged. Sangyeon frowned. His tone wasn’t the nicest and Younghoon was frozen, just staring at the man.</p><p>“Hello…” the man snapped his fingers in front of Younghoon’s face, making him flinch. Sangyeon moved to intervene then.</p><p>“Let him be.” Someone else said. “He’s Sangyeon’s kid. An adopted one. He’s probably… you know.”</p><p>“He’s one of those adopted kids, huh?” the man said. “So he has problems?”</p><p>Younghoon stared up at him, his thumb drifting to his mouth.</p><p>Sangyeon stood, his chair scraping back against the floor as he stood.</p><p>“Tell him you’re sorry.” The man grabbed Younghoon’s arm, trying to pull him closer to his kid.</p><p>Sangyeon knew physical force, no matter how small, by a stranger against Younghoon’s will would trigger him. Sure enough, Younghoon snapped straight into a flashback, right in front of everyone.</p><p>“Hey, hey.” Sangyeon was at his side in a heartbeat, trying to comfort him and make him feel safe.</p><p>It was a bad episode because Younghoon began to act as if he was in his memory of the past. Sangyeon gently tried to guide him away from everyone but the touch wasn’t welcome.</p><p>“Why is he acting so weird?” the man said harshly. “Make him apologize to my kid.”</p><p>“You’re okay.” Sangyeon crouched in front of Younghoon and tried to center his focus on his face. “You’ll be okay.”</p><p>“Hey- I’m talking to you-.” The man still waiting, grabbed Sangyeon’s shoulder.</p><p>A switch flipped somewhere in Sangyeon and he was up in an instant, getting in the face of the man escalating the situation.</p><p>“Can’t you see he’s having a flashback?” Sangyeon hissed. “He’s five years old dealing with trauma you can’t even begin to understand! Don’t you dare lay your hand on him! Or speak to him!”</p><p>The man was stunned, obviously not expecting Sangyeon’s outburst.</p><p>“You’re a grown man! You should be able to recognize when a child feels threatened!” Sangyeon snapped and then turned back to Younghoon.</p><p>“Something’s wrong with the kid, not me!” the man suddenly countered. “What kid acts like that!? He’s all zoned out!”</p><p>Younghoon was coming down from his flashback, blinking back into awareness.</p><p>“Raising a problem child like that, you should be ashamed of yourself.” The man delivered another verbal blow but Sangyeon was focused on Younghoon.</p><p>“I’m right here.” Sangyeon gently ran his hand down Younghoon’s arm.</p><p>“I still expect an apology.” The man snapped from behind, making Younghoon flinch again.</p><p>It was quickly unraveling into a nightmare. Younghoon started crying, trying to hide against Sangyeon.</p><p>Sangyeon lifted him into his arms, sending a harsh glare at the man before taking Younghoon outside. He knew they had just made a terrible scene, but he was only focused on Younghoon.</p><p>“Oh baby, I’m so sorry.” Sangyeon held him close, pressing kisses to his cheek and neck.</p><p>Younghoon sobbed, surely a mix of frightened and embarrassed and maybe not even fully coherent yet.</p><p>“I’ve got you now. We won’t go back there.” Sangyeon assured him, walking with him in his arms to soothe him.</p><p>It took Younghoon ten minutes to calm down enough for him to talk to Sangyeon.</p><p>“Bad guy is going to hurt me.” Younghoon hiccupped, trying to simultaneously speak and burrow further into Sangyeon.</p><p>“No one is going to hurt you.” Sangyeon winced. He hadn’t quite been fast enough to stop Younghoon from feeling threatened. “Daddy is right here.”</p><p>“He’s going to find me and hurt me.” Younghoon repeated, fixated on his fear.</p><p>“I won’t let that happen baby.” Sangyeon promised him, knowing it wouldn’t do much in the moment. Younghoon had felt threatened and afraid and he had a flashback on top of it.</p><p>“Gonna hurt me…” Younghoon mumbled, still trapped in a bad mindset.</p><p>“No honey…” Sangyeon rubbed his back, knowing it would take a while for him to calm down.</p><p>Luckily, his mom came out a bit later and he was able to have her collect their things, as well as Chanhee so they could leave. Sangyeon apologized for snapping at the man but a part of him still felt justified. He had only reacted out of protectiveness over Younghoon.</p><p>“Is Younghoon sad?” Chanhee asked the obvious question as Sangyeon buckled him into his carseat.</p><p>“He’s a little sad.” Sangyeon nodded.</p><p>“Do you want me to make you feel better?” Chanhee asked, craning his neck to see Younghoon in the carseat next to him.</p><p>When Younghoon gave no response, Chanhee stretched his arm so he could pat Younghoon’s shoulder.</p><p>Sangyeon’s heart ached a little seeing it but he was glad Chanhee wanted to comfort him.</p><p>Once they were home, bedtime was even more of a disaster. Younghoon had another meltdown, refusing to sleep and then running out of the bedroom and refusing to get anywhere close to his bed.</p><p>Sangyeon’s energy was fading and it was getting so late. Chanhee had already fallen asleep.</p><p>“Honey… you have to try to rest.” Sangyeon found Younghoon hiding next to the couch in the living room.</p><p>“I’m not going to sleep.” Younghoon replied.</p><p>“Come on Younghoon…” Sangyeon crouched down and gently tried to guide him away from the couch.</p><p>“No, no, no, no!” Younghoon shook his head furiously, pushing Sangyeon’s hand away.</p><p>“It’s time.” Sangyeon tried to be sterner, but it just sent Younghoon into more of a panic.</p><p>“I’m not going to bed!” he shouted, suddenly darting up and away from Sangyeon.</p><p>He wanted to just give in, but he knew that the sleepless nights would just keep going if he couldn’t help Younghoon now.</p><p>“Hey-.” Sangyeon caught Younghoon and lifted him into his arms.</p><p>The little boy struggled but eventually calmed as Sangyeon just sat them both on the couch.</p><p>“Bad guy is going to come get me so I have to stay awake.” Younghoon explained sincerely to Sangyeon. “If I go to sleep then I can’t see him coming to take me.”</p><p>Sangyeon listened to Younghoon explain again, his small hands waving in the air to convey what he wanted to say.</p><p>“T-Then if the door is unlocked then he can come in the window- a-and-.” Younghoon’s dark imagination was far too developed.</p><p>“Honey- honey listen to me.” Sangyeon pressed his hands to his shoulders. “I promise. I promise you, that no one will come in this house.”</p><p>“B-but he can come find me anyways, and then-.” Younghoon persisted.</p><p>“No baby. No one can find you.” Sangyeon smoothed his hair back gently. “I won’t let anyone hurt you.”</p><p>“But…” Younghoon faltered.</p><p>“Do you want me to sleep with you tonight?” Sangyeon asked.</p><p>Usually, Younghoon didn’t like sleeping with him. He liked to spread out and got hot easily, but tonight he nodded slowly.</p><p>“Okay, I’ll sleep with you.” Sangyeon nodded. “Let’s go to bed now.”</p><p>“Can he get in through the doors?” Younghoon asked.</p><p>“I’ll show you…” Sangyeon brought Younghoon with him to check all of the locks before returning to his bed.</p><p>Younghoon was still a little antsy, shifting around in bed, so Sangyeon lay with him. He basically pinned Younghoon down in his arms. Slowly the sleep took over and Younghoon lay still.</p><p>They fell asleep early in the morning. Their sleep schedules would definitely be messed up, but at least Younghoon had actually slept. With every step forward there would always be a step backwards, but that was life.</p><p>Unfortunately, Sangyeon was tired out the next morning. Chanhee on the other hand was full of energy.</p><p>“Oops.” Chanhee held up another flower he had ripped out of the flower bed in the backyard.</p><p>“Chanhee…” Sangyeon sighed in disappointment.</p><p>He was supposed to pull up weeds but he got excited and started ripping every up as fast as he could.</p><p>“If you aren’t careful, al the flowers will be gone.” Sangyeon sighed. “And you can’t just break the tops off. The rest will come up again from the ground.”</p><p>“Good.” Chanhee beamed. “I like picking weeds.”</p><p>“Oh, you…” Sangyeon resisted pinching his cheek since he had dirty gloves on.</p><p>“Kyu is going to use our dirt?” Chanhee asked.</p><p>“Yep.” Sangyeon nodded. Since Juyeon didn’t have much gardening space at his home, Sangyeon offered to let Kyu plant his seeds at their house. He was really excited.</p><p>“He needs to pay rent.” Chanhee said knowledgeably. “Because we are giving his flowers a home.”</p><p>“No he doesn’t need to pay us. We can do it to be nice.” Sangyeon shook his head.</p><p>“Okay.” Chanhee agreed easily.</p><p>He started fisting the green sprouts and yanking them out rapid speed again.</p><p>“Don’t- ah… you know what. We’ll buy more flowers.” Sangyeon gave in.</p><p>“You’re bad at gardening.” Younghoon piped up from where he sat on the steps.</p><p>He didn’t like putting his hands in the dirt, a little bit afraid of worms. He had on a sun hat still, the brim hanging over his eyes and making him look even smaller.</p><p>“No I’m not!” Chanhee shot back. “I’m so fast!”</p><p>“You aren’t supposed to be fast.” Younghoon countered.</p><p>“W-Well… You wouldn’t know because you never tried!” Chanhee replied.</p><p>Younghoon shrugged and started playing with a stray stick.</p><p>“When we are done with this planter you two can have a popsicle.” Juyeon told them to distract them from bickering.</p><p>“Yes!” Chanhee went even faster it that was even possible. Sangyeon let it go.</p><p>The boys were quiet for a little bit, just sitting and licking their treat.</p><p>“You dripped on me.” Younghoon said.</p><p>“Did not!” Chanhee denied.</p><p>“You dripped on me again!” Younghoon moved his leg out of the way.</p><p>“Hey, don’t make me regret giving those to you.” Sangyeon warned.</p><p>“Don’t push me!” Chanhee said when Younghoon tried to push him away.</p><p>“I don’t want to be by you.” Younghoon informed him but didn’t get up and move on his own. That was Chanhee’s job of course.</p><p>“Knock it off you two.” Sangyeon sighed and stood, stretching his sore muscles.</p><p>“I don’t like you.” Younghoon huffed, glaring at Chanhee.</p><p>“I don’t like you either.” Chanhee replied, probably not to be outsold.</p><p>Sangyeon pinched his nose between his fingers, tired of their fighting.</p><p>“I want you to go.” Younghoon tried to shove Chanhee away again.</p><p>“I want <em>you</em> to leave!” Chanhee replied angrily. “I don’t want you to be my brother anymore!”</p><p>“Hey!” Juyeon snapped, making Younghoon jump. “That’s out of line. You don’t ever say that.”</p><p>“I was here first!” Chanhee defended himself. “He has to leave, not me!”</p><p>Younghoon stared at Chanhee and then at Sangyeon.</p><p>“I adopted both of you.” Sangyeon replied. “There are no rankings or anyone here first.”</p><p>“Go away.” Chanhee muttered, glaring at Younghoon and turning his back on him.</p><p>“Okay-.” Sangyeon stepped forward and caught a hold of Chanhee’s arm, pulling him up and continuing to bring him in the house. He fought a little but Sangyeon was determined.</p><p>“Upstairs. On your bed until I come talk to you.” he ordered.</p><p>“I don’t wanna.” Chanhee frowned.</p><p>“Well you’re gonna.” Sangyeon turned him towards the stairs and gave him a pat on his behind to get him moving.</p><p>Once he heard the door to Chanhee’s room close, he went back to Younghoon. The slightly older boy was sitting quietly with a sad look, his popsicle dripping down his hand, forgotten. Juyeon could practically see a miniature rain cloud hanging over his head.</p><p>Sangyeon sat on the steps next to him.</p><p>“Well… sometimes brothers can be mean.” Sangyeon sighed. “Deep down he didn’t mean it.”</p><p>“Still mean…” Younghoon mumbled, kicking at a leaf with the toe of his shoe.</p><p>“You weren’t exactly an angel either.” Sangyeon pointed out.</p><p>He tended to punish Chanhee the most, but it was because he took things to an extreme. He sometimes failed to point out Younghoon’s part to play in a conflict.</p><p>Younghoon shrugged, acknowledging that he knew.</p><p>“In… five minute you two can talk it out.” Sangyeon told him. “Do you think you can apologize for your part?”</p><p>“Yeah…” Younghoon sighed.</p><p>“Good.” Sangyeon smiled, rubbing his back.</p><p>“Can I have a new popsicle?” Younghoon asked. “Mine melted.”</p><p>“You let it melt silly!” Sangyeon laughed and tickled him. “Maybe we’ll have dessert after dinner tonight. Wait until then.”</p><p>That was the thing with little kids. They tended to bounce back pretty quickly.</p><p>Chanhee and Younghoon apologized to each other and within a few minutes were creating chaos in the living room while Sangyeon prepared dinner.</p><p>“I have a surprise!” Sangyeon came to the boys and waved his phone in the air. “Juyeon and Sunwoo and Kyu are coming over for dinner.”</p><p>Chanhee and Younghoon cheered excitedly. Sangyeon shared their excitement. With the other boys there, he wouldn’t have to entertain them the rest of the evening</p><p>It would also be the perfect opportunity to ask Juyeon something that had been on his mind for a while.</p><p>Per the usual, the kids raced through dinner and then ran upstairs, finding something to do. Surely Sangyeon would find a mess later but he didn’t mind if they were having fun.</p><p>Juyeon and himself sat down in the living room to catch up.</p><p>“Want a blanket?” Sangyeon asked.</p><p>“Sure. I’m a little chilly.” Juyeon accepted the blanket Sangyeon got for him.</p><p>“How are you? And the kids?” Sangyeon asked.</p><p>“Just fine.” Juyeon replied. “Sunwoo is starting to slowly enjoy school. Just a bit.”</p><p>Sangyeon nodded at the achievement.</p><p>“Kyu is still stuck in an up and down. We haven’t had much progress with the parents.” Juyeon sighed. “We suspended overnight stays though so I’m happy about that. His parents are pushing for me not to be at the visits but I don’t want to leave him alone anymore.”</p><p>“That’s rough.” Sangyeon winced.</p><p>“But how about you?” Juyeon switched the conversation. “Last time I came over you said Younghoon wasn’t sleeping well.”</p><p>“Yeah I thought I fixed that habit but now he’s back to staying up again.” Sangyeon sighed.</p><p>“Oh no, what happened?” Juyeon asked.</p><p>“We just had an incident and now he’s a bit more afraid again.” Sangyeon explained.</p><p>“Sorry to hear that.” Juyeon shared his discouragement.</p><p>“I worry…” Sangyeon continued. “He’s already so afraid of so many things. He has so many triggers, and he’s so sensitive. I feel like I’m hurting him by not giving him the safe space he needs.”</p><p>“What does that safe space look like for you?” Juyeon asked.</p><p>“I already work at a facility with kids who at times can be dangerous and the mood isn’t the best. I know my kids are safe but I don’t want them to have to be exposed to that.” Sangyeon pressed his knuckles to his lips. “I wish they just got to be home more. Like you were able to with your job. I just want them to have somewhere to go where someone is looking out for them.”</p><p>Juyeon nodded, understanding his sentiment.</p><p>“I just want them both to feel like I did the very best for them…” Sangyeon said, gearing up for what he really meant to say.</p><p>Juyeon pulled the blanket over his shoulders a little more, patiently letting Juyeon speak.</p><p>“I’ve thought about something for a lot of time.” Sangyeon started slowly. “It’s an idea that I had that… I thought might be good. For both of us.”</p><p>“Okay.” Juyeon nodded, encouraging him to continue.</p><p>“I know the job you have at school is only temporary until you can work from home again.” Sangyeon continued. “But when you do work from home again, I thought maybe you would like to have someone with you…”</p><p>Juyeon frowned, not exactly following.</p><p>“If… you moved in with me, then we could kind of split responsibilities. That way it’s easier for both of us. And it would be cheaper…”</p><p>“Wait, hold on.” Juyeon held his hand up. “You mean if Kyu and Sunwoo and I came and lived with you. Here.”</p><p>“Well I would assume you would live here since I own this house and its big and you are renting at the moment so…” Sangyeon shrugged. “It’s not so much about the space, it’s more about combining our lifestyles so the boys have a better time.”</p><p>Sangyeon flushed with embarrassment and rubbed his arm. Suddenly his plan sounded silly and definitely not completely thought out.</p><p>“Explain to me what you’re thinking.” Juyeon encouraged him to continue anyways.</p><p>“Um, since I have to work, I could leave the boys with you at home when they don’t have school, but of course when I get home I take over. I will also have them on the weekends so you have your time and space too.” Sangyeon described what he was thinking. “Since the boys go to the same school it wouldn’t be much of a stretch to have their schedules match to an extent...”</p><p>Juyeon was quiet for a long moment, thinking carefully.</p><p>“I like the idea…” Juyeon started. “But you know I can’t do anything at the moment. I still have Kyu which means I’m locking in place until his case is through.”</p><p>“I understand.” Sangyeon nodded.</p><p>“But I honestly think it sounds… really smart.” Juyeon said sincerely. “We could try it, in the case that I do get Kyu, to see how the boys respond. Overall, it really isn’t a terrible idea.”</p><p>Sangyeon felt a little relieved.</p><p>“Yes, of course. It would be a future option.” Sangyeon affirmed.</p><p>“Let’s keep it on the backburner.” Juyeon replied. “I’m interested.”</p><p>“Okay.” Sangyeon smiled.</p><p>“Speaking of the boys, it’s awfully quiet upstairs… should we check on them?” Juyeon frowned.</p><p>“I’ll get it.” Sangyeon motioned for Juyeon to stay sitting as he stood to go see what was up.</p><p>He was surprised to find all of the boys in Chanhee and Younghoon’s room. Chanhee, Sunwoo and Younghoon were all asleep on the floor. It was no surprise for Younghoon and Chanhee since they had been through so many late nights recently.</p><p>“Hi.” Kyu spoke up shyly from the floor where he was laying on his tummy coloring.</p><p>“Looks like everyone fell asleep, huh?” Sangyeon crouched beside him.</p><p>“Uh huh.” Kyu nodded. “I drew a puppy.”</p><p>Sangyeon took a moment to praise Kyu for his drawing. The little boy yawned, looking sleepy himself.</p><p>“Do you want to go see your daddy?” Sangyeon asked. “I think it’s almost time for you to go home.”</p><p>Kyu nodded, rubbing his eyes and reaching for his plushie.</p><p>“Come here bud.” Sangyeon lifted Kyu into his arms.</p><p>A few weeks ago, Kyu would have protested, not feeling comfortable around him. Now he lay his head on Sangyeon’s shoulder, completely trusting of him.</p><p>“I know why you came up with that idea.” Juyeon said with a smile when Sangyeon brought Kyu to him.</p><p>“Why?” Sangyeon asked.</p><p>“So you could share this little cutie with me.” Juyeon teased as he accepted Kyu into his arms.</p><p>“Maybe it was a factor.” Sangyeon grinned.</p><p>“We still have a long way to go.” Juyeon said, referring to the process of Kyu’s case. “Maybe one day it will work out.”</p><p>Sangyeon nodded. They wouldn’t give up hope.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm kinda chatty today! Having long notes... but I was also overthinking Chanhee being a bit naughty and I was worried y'all might think he was a generally "bad" child or being disobedient for the fun of it. That is definitely not the case! I have a couple kids in my class who are the sweetest but also... the naughtiest haha it's an odd mix but for those who aren't familiar with kids, they can get into a lot of trouble at times! Especially at home! Sometimes I honestly think it's their charm hehe! Being adventurous, curious, and maybe sometimes without a filter, but that's what makes you a kid! Chanhee is very confident and spirited and most often doesn't know how far is too far! Sangyeon is working on boundaries, hence the more strict discipline moment. Chanhee is a very typical child but I fully understand many people don't interact with kids on the daily and may be confused or put off! In fact I tend to write my kids as total sweethearts who could never do anything wrong, when in reality kids make a lot of ruckus when they are young. I guess maybe I am just too soft... anyways, if you read this then you are an angel too! I hope you enjoyed! -Soojin</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Juyeon</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I really am so emotional writing this! Here is a massive chapter! About 10k words and it has jammed into it all the head canons and parts I didn't put into the rest of the work! I compiled it in a way where (hopefully) it all flows as the conclusion to both Juyeon and Sangyeon's storylines! <br/>This story has truly been so amazing to put out there! You all are so lovely and I hope you will continue along with me but more importantly with these cuties in their journey! I cherish every comment and recognize every username! I hope you enjoy this final chapter as it is also Christmas themed! </p><p>TW: I feel so bad that there is a warning but... a nasty encounter with a parent (Even if there was an empty threat, if it makes you uncomfortable or feel unsafe, always take a precaution to protect yourself!)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Waking up on a weekend always felt the hardest. The week had stretched on for what felt like ages and the weekend felt like the only time Juyeon could crash. He still had lots of work to catch up on though because he had dealt with many unexpected things during the week.</p><p>Coffee first. He was becoming a little addicted. The fancy espresso machine really didn’t help curb his bad habit.</p><p>“Where have you been all my life?” Juyeon murmured appreciatively as he wrapped his hands around the warm mug of coffee that had just brewed.</p><p>“I need to cut your supply.” Sangyeon commented as he reached in the cupboard for cereal.</p><p>“This is the only thing keeping me alive.” Juyeon replied dramatically.</p><p>Sangyeon snorted, pouring himself a bowl of cereal. His hair was sticking up in the back from sleep and his sleep shirt was inside out. Juyeon just smiled, used to Sangyeon being a mess in the mornings.</p><p>“What the hell is this?” Sangyeon frowned down at his bowl.</p><p>“Language.” Juyeon said automatically.</p><p>“Did you let them commit this crime?” Sangyeon held his bowl out to Juyeon.</p><p>“What now?” Juyeon inspected it worriedly before bursting into laughter.</p><p>“It looked like they mixed all the cereals together and put them back in the boxes.” Sangyeon groaned. “There are like ten different textures and flavors.”</p><p>“I have no idea when they managed this.” Juyeon laughed. “Or what they were thinking.”</p><p>“I’ll make them all sit in timeout.” Sangyeon threatened.</p><p>“It’s just cereal.” Juyeon patted his shoulder. “I’ll make you toast.”</p><p>“No, you rest.” Sangyeon caught his arm. “Enjoy your poison and rest on the couch or something before the boys are up. You had a busy week.”</p><p>“Oh, the garage door is broken by the way.” Juyeon let Sangyeon know as he grabbed a banana as well. “I accidentally left the remote unattended.”</p><p>“How is it broken?” Sangyeon gasped. “What are they doing when I’m gone!?”</p><p>“I’m watching them!” Juyeon argued. “It just happened kinda fast. Younghoon didn’t know the door doesn’t have a sensor.”</p><p>“Who got squished?” Sangyeon ran his hand over his face.</p><p>“Sunwoo, but he’s way too enthusiastic about it.” Juyeon rolled his eyes. “In his eyes he narrowly escaped death.”</p><p>“He’ll narrowly escape death when I see him.” Sangyeon grumbled.</p><p>“They were good this week.” Juyeon patted his back as he left the kitchen. “Mostly.”</p><p>They were good. For a household of four boys close in age, they were pretty good. There was a lot of fighting and accidents and some tears, but overall, they were really good.</p><p>Sangyeon and Juyeon were a good team. While Sangyeon worked away, Juyeon worked at home, and when Sangyeon was home, Juyeon took a break or did what he needed to get done. Today Juyeon just wanted to relax and not worry about anything.</p><p>In his head he was mentally counting down the seconds before his peace and quiet was broken. A few minutes later he heard the first footsteps down the stairs.</p><p>“I’m hungry.” Sunwoo announced to Sangyeon in the kitchen.</p><p>“Good morning to you too.” Sangyeon replied drily. “Were you the one who decided that mixing all the cereals together would be a good idea?”</p><p>“No, I only helped.” Sunwoo replied.</p><p>Juyeon smiled to himself, listening to them talk.</p><p>“Now this cereal is all you’ve got.” Sangyeon told him. “I hope you like what you made because I’m not buying more cereal until this is finished.”</p><p>“Okay.” Sunwoo agreed easily.</p><p>Juyeon pulled a blanket over his legs and tucked them underneath himself on the couch. He sipped his coffee and scrolled through his phone.</p><p>Another minute passed and another early riser padded downstairs. Juyeon knew who it was even before seeing him by the way the small footsteps skipped the kitchen and headed straight for him on the couch.</p><p>Kyu climbed onto the couch and curled up in his lap, still sleepy. Juyeon adjusted the blanket so it covered him.</p><p>“Good morning baby.” he said, setting aside his coffee to run his hand through Kyu’s hair. “Did you sleep good?”</p><p>“Younghoon kicked me in his sleep.” Kyu mumbled.</p><p>“Oh, did he sleep with you?” Juyeon asked, smiling at the way Kyu tucked his familiar plush elephant under his arm.</p><p>“Uh huh.” Kyu nodded.</p><p>Juyeon was glad. Not that Kyu accidentally got kicked, but because Younghoon had been getting better and better with sleeping through the night. Even if it meant he migrated to Kyu’s bed. The two were inseparable.</p><p>Juyeon would never forget the way Younghoon cried when they told him Kyu was being adopted. He was always more sensitive, but he was deeply attached to Younghoon. In a way, they could connect to each other with similar trauma. Juyeon suspected they just felt safest around each other.</p><p>The dynamics of the four boys’ relationships had changed as the two small families combined. Juyeon and Sangyeon had worried that they wouldn’t mix well, but it seemed that they had all settled in well.</p><p>There was still conflict though. Sunwoo had taken his role as the second oldest very seriously. He was a rule follower which meant him and Chanhee clashed sometimes. But mostly he was fiercely protective over Kyu. It had taken Younghoon a while to warm up to Sunwoo because of how defensive he was of Kyu. But in the end, they had worked things out.</p><p>“Do you want me to take him?” Sangyeon asked, joining them in the living room.</p><p>“No, we’re fine.” Juyeon switched to scratching Kyu’s back, making him shiver. “It’s morning cuddle time.”</p><p>Kyu sat up when Sunwoo came in.</p><p>“My turn.” Sunwoo came over and hugged Kyu.</p><p>Kyu went limp against him, loving hugs from Sunwoo. Juyeon quickly snapped a picture of them, finding it too adorable not to save.</p><p>“I’m going to take the kids to the ice rink today.” Sangyeon let Juyeon know. “I thought you might like the house to yourself.”</p><p>“That sounds fun.” Juyeon nodded. “But Kyu has been coming down with something. I’m not sure if I want him out in the cold…”</p><p>He brushed Kyu’s hair back to press his palm to his forehead.</p><p>“Just a little cough.” Juyeon told Sangyeon before he could get worried. “Are you sniffly honey?”</p><p>Kyu sniffled as proof, sounding congested. Juyeon reached for a tissue.</p><p>“Do you want me to leave him here with you or…” Sangyeon realized there wasn’t another option.</p><p>“He can stay with me.” Juyeon let Kyu snuggle back into his lap. “We can do restful things.”</p><p>“Okay.” Sangyeon left the room and came back with a warmer blanket to put over Kyu.</p><p>“Kyu disappeared!” Juyeon teased. “Now he’s just a little lump.”</p><p>Kyu giggled as Juyeon tapped his nose peeking out from under the blanket.</p><p>“Looks like you might have another patient.” Sangyeon observed as Younghoon came downstairs.</p><p>“Oh no. Come here baby.” Juyeon motioned for Younghoon to come closer. He coughed into his elbow and his nose looked red.</p><p>“I’ll pick up cold medicine on the way back.” Sangyeon rumpled Younghoon’s hair and left the room.</p><p>“Come over here where it’s warm.” Juyeon tucked Younghoon against him, loving snuggles no matter what.</p><p>“Come into my igloo!” Kyu lifted his blanket up as best he could.</p><p>Juyeon helped hold it open so Younghoon could snuggle next to him. They both rested their heads on Juyeon’s thigh. He smiled happily having his two boys with him.</p><p>Once Sangyeon and the other two boys were gone, Juyeon made a warm breakfast for the two boys.</p><p>“Can we play with the paints?” Kyu asked afterwards.</p><p>“I think we can do that.” Juyeon nodded. Since Chanhee and Sunwoo weren’t there, he didn’t have to worry about mess so much.</p><p>Kyu and Younghoon sat at the coffee table with newspaper spread over to protect the surface. Kyu still liked to finger paint so Juyeon indulged them and equipped them with just sponges and their fingers.</p><p>“I’m going to draw… a present.” Younghoon told Kyu. “Because it’s almost Christmas time.”</p><p>Juyeon smiled from where he sat on the couch.</p><p>“Who is the present for?” Kyu asked.</p><p>“Mmm… for you.” Younghoon decided.</p><p>“Oh…” Kyu leaned over so he could see it better. “Do I get a real present?”</p><p>“Maybe at Christmas.” Younghoon shrugged. “I don’t know.”</p><p>Juyeon frowned as Kyu turned to him with a questioning look.</p><p>“Yeah, you’ll get presents during Christmas.” Juyeon told him.</p><p>Both boys were more excited than Juyeon had expected. He shifted to sit on the floor with him.</p><p>“Have you gotten a Christmas gift before?” Juyeon was curious. He knew both boys were still really young but they had at least had one of two Christmases that they should remember.</p><p>“No…” Younghoon frowned.</p><p>“Did you… get a Christmas tree?” Juyeon asked further.</p><p>“No. Those are for the stores.” Younghoon corrected him. “Or at the park.”</p><p>Yes, technically he was correct that the stores and the park had Christmas trees, but it seemed as if he had never experienced a Christmas tree in his own home.</p><p>“What about cookies?”</p><p>He was met with blank stares. For some reason it made him incredibly sad. They had never had a Christmas before. Juyeon wanted them to get to experience a Christmas.</p><p>He was distracted from thinking about it for the time as he played with the boys, abandoning his work for the time being. They had an early bedtime so he could get things done later in the night.</p><p>When Sangyeon came home, Kyu was starting to get fussy and irritable, a mix of being tired and sick.</p><p>“Daddy?” Sunwoo came up to Juyeon, holding his walkie talkie. “Can you play with me?”</p><p>He liked to have Juyeon use the walkie talkie to find him where he hid around the house.</p><p>“Sorry bud, I have to take care of this little one.” Juyeon lifted Kyu off of the floor where he was having a minor tantrum.</p><p>“Maybe after?” Sunwoo asked.</p><p>“Maybe.” Juyeon replied. “Hey- no hitting.”</p><p>Kyu had smacked his shoulder out of frustration, not wanting to take a bath.</p><p>He cried while Juyeon washed him up, milking Juyeon’s compassion for what it was worth. Juyeon was patient because he knew Kyu was feeling under the weather.</p><p>Juyeon got him dressed in his regular panties though he was nervous since he had a few accidents recently even though he had been potty trained at quiet a young age.</p><p>“Stop squirming, I’m almost done.” Juyeon fought with him to brush his teeth and dry his hair. The battle ended with Kyu running downstairs to his other daddy who wasn’t putting him through torture.</p><p>When Juyeon went to find a warmer sleep shirt for him, he found Sunwoo sitting on his bed, looking down at his walkie talkies.</p><p>“Can you play now?” Sunwoo perked up.</p><p>“I’m sorry. I have to put that little rascal to bed.” Juyeon sighed. “But it’s getting late. You should be heading to bed too.”</p><p>He collected Kyu from Juyeon and tucked him into bed. When everyone was in bed, Juyeon came back downstairs and sunk onto the couch again. He was tired and he felt bad he hadn’t been able to spend any time with Chanhee in the day. Or Sunwoo. He would have to do something with them later.</p><p>Monday ended up being a hard day though.</p><p>Chanhee was being awfully stubborn and Younghoon had a flashback which brought everything to a screeching halt. Juyeon had relied on Sunwoo to stay upstairs with the other two boys playing while he calmed Younghoon down.</p><p>When they came down, they were hungry and it wasn’t even lunch time. Juyeon could have pulled his hair out with the stress he felt and it was just a regular day technically.</p><p>“Look at my light up shoes.” Chanhee tugged on Juyeon’s shirt as he washed berries for the other boys.</p><p>“Uh huh, they’re very nice.” Juyeon nodded.</p><p>When he looked down, Chanhee pouted and crossed his arms.</p><p>“I’m sorry honey. I’m really busy.” Juyeon sighed. “Can you show me later?”</p><p>“Fine…” Chanhee grumbled and stomped away.</p><p>“And no shoes in the house!” Juyeon called after him. “Go outside to wear them!”</p><p>He shook his head, knowing Chanhee probably wouldn’t listen.</p><p>When Sangyeon came home, Juyeon was very much done.</p><p>“I’ll see you in a million years.” he muttered as he handed Sangyeon a coloring book for Younghoon and then headed to his room.</p><p>He knew he had work to do but he ended up just lying in bed, feeling exhausted and in a bad mood. He knew it was just a bad day but of course it felt like it would never end.</p><p>Sangyeon poked his head in the room after a bit.</p><p>“Hey, dinner is ready.” he told him. “Do you want me to bring a plate for you or will you join us?”</p><p>“I’ll come.” Juyeon dragged himself up with a groan. He was honestly feeling lonely too which was strange since he had been with the kids all day, but it happened sometimes.</p><p>He wished he could just have dinner with Sangyeon, maybe talk about their day or watch a movie without having to censor for the kids. Maybe they could just nap. That sounded nice…</p><p>Instead, Chanhee was still in a weird mood and Sunwoo was talking really loudly.</p><p>“What is this?” Kyu asked in his small voice, holding up a little brown object.</p><p>“A mushroom.” Sangyeon told him. “It’s a plant. You can grow it in your garden.”</p><p>“But be careful because not all of them are edible.” Younghoon said knowledgeably.</p><p>“That’s right.” Sangyeon nodded.</p><p>“I like mushrooms.” Kyu decided.</p><p>After a moment he reached over and took one of Chanhee’s mushrooms with his fork. The boys tended to eat off of each other’s plates sometimes.</p><p>“Hey!” Chanhee said. “That’s mine!”</p><p>“We’re sharing.” Kyu motioned between them.</p><p>“I don’t want to share with you.” Chanhee encircled his arms around his plate to protect his food.</p><p>Kyu thought for a moment and then offered him his piece of bread.</p><p>“No.” Chanhee decided it wasn’t a fair trade.</p><p>“You can have mine.” Sangyeon scooped his onto Kyu’s plate. “There are more on the stove too.”</p><p>Juyeon rested his head on one hand. He was so tired but he didn’t want to sleep. He needed to be refreshed.</p><p>He helped get the boys ready for bed though since Sangyeon was loading the dishwasher and he would rather brush teeth and do pajamas then clean up.</p><p>“Open.” Juyeon tapped Chanhee’s chin to get him to open wider so he could brush his teeth for him. He tended to close his mouth on accident.</p><p>“Can we go to bed?” Kyu asked, rubbing his eyes while Juyeon made sure he brushed Chanhee’s back teeth.</p><p>“Yeah, that’s what we’re doing honey.” Juyeon replied absently. “As soon as teeth are brushed and pajamas are on.”</p><p>“Can we just go to bed with no story.” Kyu clarified, leaning against Juyeon’s leg.</p><p>“Spit.” Juyeon turned Chanhee to the since. “Yeah that’s fine.”</p><p>He honestly didn’t want to read a story. It would be better if the boys went straight to sleep.</p><p>“I want a story.” Chanhee spoke up.</p><p>“I think it’s too late for one tonight.” Juyeon sighed as he lifted Kyu into his arms.</p><p>“Why?” Chanhee frowned.</p><p>“Don’t argue Chanhee…” Juyeon took Kyu to his bed and tucked him in.</p><p>When he finished tucking Kyu and Younghoon into bed, he went to Chanhee and Sunwoo’s room.</p><p>“Why aren’t lights out yet?” Juyeon asked.</p><p>“Can you read this one?” Sunwoo held a book out to him.</p><p>“I told you no story tonight.” Juyeon took it from his hand and turned on their night light. Actually, he had told Chanhee no but he was too tired to have a straight mind.</p><p>Sunwoo looked disappointed but obediently got into bed. Juyeon was thankful he was so obedient and didn’t fight with him when he was feeling at the end of his rope.</p><p>Being able to go to his own room and relax felt like heaven after the day. Juyeon changed into sweatpants and his warmest sweater.</p><p>When a knock came on his door his shoulders sank, expecting one of the boys coming to bother him.</p><p>“Hi.” Sangyeon came in instead.</p><p>“Since when do you knock?” Juyeon snorted.</p><p>“Since I’m here to intrude on your quiet time to ask if you wanted to join me for a picnic.” he replied.</p><p>“A picnic?” Juyeon frowned. “It’s late…”</p><p>“I know. That’s why I prepared it here.” Sangyeon smiled widely.</p><p>Juyeon tilted his head, confused, but followed Sangyeon down the stairs.</p><p>The sterile lights were all turned off so it was just the warm light from the lamps in the living room. Sangyeon had pulled away the coffee table and cleared everything away so he could spread out a picnic blanket.</p><p>“You did this?” Juyeon asked, honestly shocked.</p><p>In the middle of the blanket there was fruit, the nice chocolates Juyeon hid from the kids, and a small carton of Juyeon’s favorite ice cream.</p><p>“I know it’s not much…” Sangyeon sat down and grabbed a bottle of wine from the side table. “But it’s a little getaway.”</p><p>“Did you get this on your way home?” Juyeon sat and grabbed the ice cream first.</p><p>“Yep. I just had this intuition that today was a hard day.” he nodded.</p><p>“Wine…” Juyeon grinned. “It’s been a while since we had something to drink with the kids.”</p><p>“Sleep is more valuable than alcohol.” Sangyeon joked.</p><p>“True.” Juyeon grinned and let Sangyeon pour him a little bit.</p><p>Sangyeon also handed him a spoon so he could dig into his ice cream.</p><p>“Remember when we met in college?” Sangyeon said. “Never in a million years did I think we would end up sitting in our living room having wine and fruit.”</p><p>“I never thought we would see much of each other after that first semester but now… we technically have four kids between the two of us.” Juyeon replied.</p><p>Sangyeon laughed, remembering way back.</p><p>“I guess you could say our life didn’t turn out like we thought.” Juyeon smiled.</p><p>“Not exactly…” Sangyeon nodded.</p><p>Juyeon lay down and rested his head on Sangyeon’s thigh, balancing his ice cream on his chest.</p><p>“I can always take less shifts at work.” Sangyeon told him after sitting for a moment. “I don’t ever want you to feel burdened.”</p><p>“No…” Juyeon stared up at the ceiling. “I love it, I really do. I just need to recharge sometimes.”</p><p>“I hope this recharges you a bit.” Sangyeon smiled.</p><p>He dragged the tip of his index finger down Juyeon’s nose, and then over his cheekbone, tracing his face. Juyeon closed his eyes, feeling soothed by the gentle touch.</p><p>“Where did I get lucky enough to find you?” Sangyeon asked. “I never knew my kids would be calling someone else dad… But every time I hear them do it… my heart feels so full.”</p><p>“You like when they call me dad?” Juyeon smiled, finding it a little amusing.</p><p>“Yeah. I’m glad even Sunwoo and Chanhee love and trust you.” Sangyeon nodded. “I couldn’t have had anyone else be in the place you are in.”</p><p>“You’re the one who asked me to stay with you.” Juyeon reminded him.</p><p>“I know. I just knew you, and the boys, were already a part of our family. I can’t even imagine what our life would be like without you in it.” Sangyeon replied.</p><p>“You’re right…” Juyeon admitted suddenly. “Today was a hard day. But… I still loved it because it was filled with the boys.”</p><p>“Thanks for loving them so much.” Sangyeon said softly.</p><p>Juyeon looked up at him, surprised to see such a gentle expression on his face.</p><p>“Thank you for loving my boys too.” Juyeon replied seriously.</p><p>“Of course.” Sangyeon nodded. “I couldn’t do anything less.”</p><p>Juyeon savored their time together, just the two of them without the distraction of the kids. That weekend Sangyeon had to leave for a weekend trip.</p><p>Juyeon could tell he felt bad leaving him with the kids, but he really didn’t mind. He had planned out everything to an extreme just so he felt extra prepared.</p><p>The first day went well, but the morning of the second day quickly dissolved into tears. They were good tears though.</p><p>Kyu first started. He got disoriented when he looked for Sangyeon just to remember that he was gone for three days. Juyeon carried the sad boy around while he sniffled and pouted.</p><p>Chanhee quickly contracted his loneliness and soon he was coming to Juyeon with teary eyes and a heartbreaking pout.</p><p>“I’m sorry honey.” Juyeon stroked Chanhee’s hair back with his free hand. “He’ll be back late tonight so you can see him in the morning. I promise.”</p><p>Chanhee nodded, his bottom lip still quivering sadly. He lifted his arms for Juyeon to carry him but he couldn’t manage with Kyu in his arms too so he just crouched down and gave him a long hug.</p><p>“I have something to keep your mind off of things though.” Juyeon patted his head as he straightened again. “We can go to the store to get things for dinner.”</p><p>It was a way to get them out of the house, but Juyeon hadn’t fully thought through how hard it was to bring four little boys anywhere alone. It felt like it took ages to bundle each of them up in coats and tug on mittens and wrap scarves. When they were finally packed in the car, Juyeon reflexively asked Sangyeon to fix Younghoon’s mitten before he realized the passenger seat was empty.</p><p>“Okay. We are all going to hold hands in the store.” Juyeon instructed once they were all out of the car. “That way we can all stay together.”</p><p>He strategically had Chanhee hold his hand and then Kyu and then Younghoon and Sunwoo bringing up the rear. He felt like a mother duck leading his ducklings as they trailed behind him.</p><p>He snapped a photo and sent it off to Juyeon for him to see.</p><p>His strategy actually worked pretty well. They all followed along behind him as he added things to his cart. It was all going well until a painfully familiar figure appeared in the aisle with them. Juyeon froze, his first instinct to turn Kyu away so he wouldn’t see, but it was too late.</p><p>Kyu’s father also stopped, surprised to see them. He looked over the four other boys, not sure why Juyeon was just standing there.</p><p>“Hey.” he greeted them; his voice hoarse.</p><p>Kyu pulled his hand out of Chanhee and Younghoon’s grasp, instead hugging Juyeon’s leg shyly.</p><p>“Um, hi.” Juyeon nodded his head respectfully.</p><p>“Looks like you went a bit crazy.” he nodded to the other boys.</p><p>Juyeon didn’t respond, not sure how to even describe what he was pointing out.</p><p>“Is he taking care of you?” Kyu’s father bent down a little to look down at him. “Looks like he has a lot of kids like you now.”</p><p>Kyu didn’t respond of course. Juyeon felt a hint of anger spark in him at what he was implying.</p><p>“We’re managing just fine.” he said curtly.</p><p>“Looks like a lot to keep track of.” Kyu’s father laughed with no mirth. “Have to be careful not to lose one.”</p><p>“That won’t happen I assure you.” Juyeon shook his head.</p><p>“Well Kyu, I hope you’re happy with your new daddy.” Kyu’s father said. “Hopefully he can manage to keep track of you.”</p><p>Juyeon stiffened and Kyu’s father noticed.</p><p>“Careful you don’t lose one.” he further prodded at him, maybe hoping for a reaction. “Wouldn’t want one of them to get snatched up because you can’t keep an eye on them all.”</p><p>Juyeon wanted to grab all of his boys and bring them close, but Kyu’s father backed off, smiling nastily and walking away.</p><p>Juyeon let out a long breath when he left. Kyu tugged on his sweater and Juyeon lifted him into his arms, squeezing him tightly. He didn’t say a word for a long time. The interaction went over most of the boy’s heads and Juyeon headed back home quickly.</p><p>Kyu clung to Juyeon even when they got home. He was eerily quiet, not speaking even when Juyeon tried to coax it out of him. It took him a while before he calmed down and went off with Younghoon to play.</p><p>Juyeon couldn’t help but admit to himself that he was shaken. He knew Kyu’s father was being vindictive, angry he had lost his rights to Kyu. He had tried to imply Juyeon couldn’t be a good parent because of how many kids he had which was just rude and not relevant. It should have made Juyeon angry but he mostly felt insecure and uncomfortable.</p><p>He let Chanhee “help” him load the dishwasher, feeling strange.</p><p>“Daddy is coming home tonight?” Chanhee asked as he handed Juyeon a glass.</p><p>“Uh huh, when you are asleep.” Juyeon nodded. He couldn’t wait for Sangyeon to come home.</p><p>He wasn’t really paying attention to Chanhee much as he collected the remaining silverware that needed to go in. Chanhee must have thought they were done though because he suddenly lifted the cover and tried to close it.</p><p>Juyeon’s hand was caught in the gap, pinching his fingers when Chanhee pushed it shut.</p><p>“Chanhee!” Juyeon couldn’t stop the surprised admonishment from bursting out. His fingers hurt from being pinched and he shook his hand to relieve them.</p><p>“Sorry!” Chanhee said quickly.</p><p>Juyeon shook his hand and took a breath.</p><p>“Just- be careful.” Juyeon told him. “I wasn’t done.”</p><p>Chanhee dropped his head.</p><p>“It’s fine.” Juyeon didn’t want him to feel bad. “Why don’t you go help Sunwoo clean your room.” Chanhee nodded and left the kitchen.</p><p>Juyeon finished up with clearing dishes, his fingers not aching so much anymore and his mind a little less far off.</p><p>Once he was done, he went to find Chanhee, having a mind to tell him to do his chores which had been left undone.</p><p>He couldn’t find Chanhee in the house though. He was getting a little concerned as he looked around until he opened the door to the backyard. He was sitting on the steps with his coat and boots on.</p><p>“What are you doing out here?” Juyeon stepped onto the back step. “It’s cold…”</p><p>He stopped when he saw the tear sliding down Chanhee’s cheek.</p><p>“Oh honey, what’s wrong?” Juyeon crouched next to him and touched his cheek to turn his face towards him.</p><p>“I want to be sad alone.” Chanhee told him with a pouty bottom lip.</p><p>“Aw, I don’t want you to be sad alone.” Juyeon made a sad face. “Can I take you inside? It’s too cold to be out here.”</p><p>“I put my coat and boots on.” Chanhee raised his arms. “I did what you said.”</p><p>“I know, but you don’t need to sit out here.” Juyeon told him. “Please come inside with me.”</p><p>Chanhee finally relented. Juyeon held his hand and took him inside, removing his boots and jacket.</p><p>“Okay, let’s sit where it’s warm.” Juyeon sat on the couch and sat Chanhee on his lap.</p><p>Chanhee sniffled and wiped his nose with his sleeve. Juyeon pulled his hand away and used a tissue instead.</p><p>“Why are you sad?” Juyeon asked worriedly.</p><p>“Because I’m bad.” Chanhee pouted.</p><p>“Oh Chanhee, you’re not bad!” Juyeon squeezed him in a quick hug. “My finger isn’t hurt! It was an accident!”</p><p>“No, I was bad.” Chanhee shook his head.</p><p>“When were you… bad?” Juyeon never used the word bad when referring to the kids. It was always just being naughty or not kind.</p><p>“I’m always bad.” Chanhee sucked in a shaky breath. “I do naughty things all the time.”</p><p>“Like what honey?” Juyeon frowned.</p><p>“Like when I made a big mess with the glitter...” Chanhee explained.</p><p>“Ah…” Juyeon understood.</p><p>He understood what Chanhee was feeling and it was perfectly normal. Juyeon and Sangyeon tended to have to admonish or reprimand him often. Even though he wasn’t a “bad kid”, it could start to feel discouraging to the child.</p><p>“You’re not bad!” Juyeon corrected him. “You are one of my sweet boys!”</p><p>“I get in trouble a lot.” Chanhee looked down at his hands.</p><p>“That doesn’t make you bad honey. You’re still learning and there is nothing wrong with that.” Juyeon assured him. “I promise I don’t think you’re bad at all.”</p><p>“Really?” Chanhee checked.</p><p>“Really.” Juyeon gathered him into a hug. “I’m sorry if I am short with you sometimes. I don’t want you to feel bad.”</p><p>“It’s okay.” Chanhee hugged him back.</p><p>Juyeon rubbed his back for a bit. It didn’t help his confidence to have another crying moment that day.</p><p>As night drew near and Juyeon got the kids ready for bed, he felt more and more uncomfortable. He couldn’t get the words of Kyu’s father out of his head and it was making him anxious. He felt the urge to know where each of the boys were.</p><p>When Sangyeon got home, Juyeon was pacing. He couldn’t stop moving because if he stopped then all he could think about was what Kyu’s father had said. He was stressing about it so much it made him feel sick. He truly was desperate for Sangyeon to get back.</p><p>When Sangyeon opened the door, Juyeon felt relief wash over him.</p><p>“What are you doing up?” Sangyeon whispered, closing the door behind him.</p><p>“I wanted to be awake when you got home.” Juyeon gave him a strained smile.</p><p>“Oh…” Sangyeon looked confused but nodded. “Sorry it was so late. The boys are asleep right?”</p><p>“Mm hm.” Juyeon nodded, his fingers anxiously tapping the counter.</p><p>“You really stayed up for me?” Sangyeon double checked, probably sensing something was off. He moved closer to Juyeon.</p><p>“Yeah.” Juyeon swallowed past a dry throat. “I missed you.”</p><p>Instead of consoling Sangyeon, it made him frown.</p><p>“You okay?” he asked. “You seem… off.”</p><p>“I’m fine.” Juyeon replied, no smile accompanying his words.</p><p>“The kids are okay?” Sangyeon asked slowly.</p><p>“Yeah, they’re asleep.” Juyeon nodded.</p><p>Sangyeon stared at him for a moment and then shook his head slightly.</p><p>“You look tired.” he said while shrugging off his coat. “It’s late too. We should crash.”</p><p>“Okay.” Juyeon nodded but he didn’t follow Sangyeon upstairs.</p><p>Time passed and Juyeon sat on the couch, trying to tell himself everything was fine because Sangyeon was there.</p><p>“Hey…” Juyeon jumped when Sangyeon touched his shoulder.</p><p>The older boy came around and then crouched in front of Juyeon, resting his hand on his knee.</p><p>“Can you tell me what’s up?” he asked.</p><p>“I’m just so glad you’re home.” Juyeon replied truthfully, tears itching in the back of his throat.</p><p>“You don’t seem glad.” Sangyeon frowned. “You’re acting strange… It’s kinda freaking me out.”</p><p>“I am.” Juyeon insisted. “I really am. I just-.”</p><p>His voice caught and he gritted his teeth, trying to hold back tears.</p><p>“You’re acting weird Juyeon. Do you not notice?” Sangyeon was in full concerned mode, leaning forward and pressing his hand to his forehead.</p><p>“I didn’t want to be alone in the house.” Juyeon whispered, shivering a little.</p><p>“You’re not alone.” Sangyeon replied. “The boys are upstairs.”</p><p>“I just wanted you here.” Juyeon said.</p><p>“I’m here now.” Sangyeon assured him. “What can I do for you now?”</p><p>“N-Nothing.” Juyeon suddenly felt bad. “You should rest. You had a long trip.”</p><p>“Not until I know you’re okay.” Sangyeon still looked worried and there was still an anxious knot in Juyeon’s chest.</p><p>“I-It’s stupid.” Juyeon looked down at his hands, feeling embarrassed.</p><p>“I’m sure it’s not.” Sangyeon assured him. “Not if you’re worried over it.”</p><p>“I just… saw Kyu’s father today.” Juyeon said quietly.</p><p>Sangyeon was silent for a moment and then he nodded, patting Juyeon’s knee to encourage him to go on.</p><p>“He said some things and I just felt uncomfortable.” Juyeon shrugged.</p><p>“What kind of things?” Sangyeon pressed.</p><p>“Just- it’s stupid I know.” Juyeon shook his head shyly. “It just threw me off.”</p><p>“Did he threaten you or the kids?” Sangyeon asked seriously.</p><p>Juyeon sat and thought about it. Had he? Yes, Juyeon had felt intimidated and his words had stuck with him, but was he blatantly threatening?</p><p>“Did he threaten you?” Sangyeon tilted Juyeon’s head up by his chin. He looked dead serious.</p><p>“I don’t know…” Juyeon replied lamely.</p><p>“Were you afraid to be home alone with the kids without me?” Sangyeon asked, his expression still so focused and serious that Juyeon felt a little more anxious.</p><p>“I-I really don’t know what got into me.” Juyeon replied.</p><p>“Listen Juyeon. It’s obvious to me you’re afraid.” Sangyeon told him. “Look at yourself.”</p><p>He held Juyeon’s hand up to show him he was trembling slightly.</p><p>“I shouldn’t be like this.” Juyeon was embarrassed about how weak he was.</p><p>“It’s normal.” Sangyeon rose up on his knees so they were at the same eye level. “It was scary I’m sure.”</p><p>“I don’t know why I’m so… anxious though!” Juyeon said. “I just can’t sleep! I don’t want to let them out of my sight!”</p><p>“Because you’re protective.” Sangyeon answered for him. “You’re being a good dad.”</p><p>“I feel like an awful parent.” Juyeon breathed out tiredly. “Can’t even sleep because I’m worrying…”</p><p>“No.” Sangyeon shuffled forward between Juyeon’s knees and pulled him into a hug, his chin resting on Juyeon’s shoulder.</p><p>“I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to come home and have to deal with this. With me.” Juyeon swallowed hard.</p><p>“What are you talking about?” Sangyeon drew back and gently brushed his hair away from his face. “I missed you so much too. I want you to feel safe Juyeon. I’m sorry I was gone so long.”</p><p>“It’s okay.” Juyeon slowly relaxed against him.</p><p>“I’m here now.” Sangyeon rubbed his back. “Nothing will happen to you or the boys. I promise.”</p><p>“You’re really good at this.” Juyeon commented.</p><p>“I’ve had lots of practice.” Sangyeon smiled, drawing him up to bring him to bed.</p><p>“I guess you do.” Juyeon smiled weakly.</p><p>“It’s my job.” Sangyeon squeezed his arm. “Let’s sleep now or you’ll be really tired tomorrow.”</p><p>Juyeon was really tired in the morning. When he woke up, he didn’t feel as weird.</p><p>When he came downstairs, he was comforted to see all four boys up and eating breakfast at the kitchen table.</p><p>“Good morning.” Sangyeon smiled at him. “I got an early start on the day for you. All four boys all ready to go.”</p><p>Juyeon smiled, grateful to him.</p><p>“I got permission to come home early from work today.” Sangyeon told him as they met in the kitchen so Juyeon could get his coffee.</p><p>“That’s nice.” Juyeon nodded, knowing he was doing it for him.</p><p>“I also got a restraining order on Kyu’s father.”</p><p>Juyeon looked at him, obviously shocked.</p><p>“I called the police this morning and all we have to do is go into the station really quick.” Sangyeon told him. “Regardless of what he said to you yesterday, I know you didn’t feel comfortable and I don’t want to you to have to feel burdened.”</p><p>Juyeon couldn’t describe how overwhelmingly touched he was.</p><p>“I want my kids to be safe.” Sangyeon said firmly. “I’ll make sure he can’t lay a hand on any of them.”</p><p>Juyeon felt emotion rise in his throat and stop him from speaking, afraid to break into tears or something.</p><p>“You don’t have to worry about anything.” Sangyeon smiled and rested his hand on Juyeon’s arm for a moment before drawing away. Juyeon stood frozen, still processing.</p><p>When he left for work, Juyeon ran out after him before he could leave.</p><p>“Did I forget something?” Sangyeon stopped, patting his pockets.</p><p>“No I just- wanted to tell you to have a good day.” Juyeon said awkwardly. “I… am really grateful for you…”</p><p>“Oh, me too!” Sangyeon smiled.</p><p>“I- I will see you later.” Juyeon hesitated and then stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Sangyeon.</p><p>The older boy hugged him back warmly.</p><p>“See you at dinner.” Sangyeon smiled against his shoulder.</p><p>That was the wonderful thing about having your best friend by your side. They always have your back even when you didn’t expect it.</p><p>When Juyeon came back inside, there was already a mess waiting for him.</p><p>“Oh…” Juyeon sighed. “I was only gone for a minute.”</p><p>“It was an accident.” Chanhee sheepishly looked at his spilled cereal.</p><p>“I’ll clean it up.” Juyeon smiled. It was just part of being a dad.</p><p>Once it was all cleaned, he set the boys up with a craft. They all liked doing crafts the most.</p><p>“When you’re out of the paint, come tell me, okay Sunwoo?” Juyeon instructed them.</p><p>Sunwoo nodded, helping Younghoon open up a glue stick.</p><p>Juyeon set himself down to do some work. After a little while, Sunwoo came to tell him they needed more paint.</p><p>“Can I be done now?” Sunwoo asked.</p><p>“You want to be done with the craft?” Juyeon asked, leading him back to the table.</p><p>“Yes. I’m done.” he held up his picture.</p><p>“Okay well… why don’t you add some more things to it, just for a little longer and then we can be done.” Juyeon suggested. He wasn’t ready to move them on to the next activity yet.</p><p>Kyu was still participating so Juyeon didn’t want to disrupt him. He had the shortest attention span being the youngest, so it was usually time to be done when he got tired.</p><p>After a little while, Kyu was done. He brought his picture to Juyeon to put up on the refrigerator. The other boys did the same and then Juyeon transitioned them into having snack and watching a show.</p><p>“I don’t want a snack.” Sunwoo shook his head when Juyeon handed him his bowl.</p><p>“You don’t have to have one.” Juyeon shrugged.</p><p>“Can you make octopus?” Sunwoo asked.</p><p>It had been a long time since he had made the little sausages. Juyeon had to attempt meals that everyone would like.</p><p>“I don’t have time bud.” Juyeon smiled at his cute request though. “You can eat this snack if you want.”</p><p>Sunwoo opened his mouth to reply but Kyu piped up first, asking to choose the show he wanted.</p><p>“Can I stay with you daddy?” Sunwoo asked, not interested in the show.</p><p>“You want to be with daddy today, huh?” Juyeon observed, picking up on him being clingy.</p><p>Sunwoo nodded and tried to follow him to where he was working.</p><p>“I really have to focus right now.” Juyeon leaned down and gave him a kiss. “Kyu picked a fun show, why don’t you go watch?”</p><p>Sunwoo nodded and headed into the living room quietly.</p><p>Juyeon returned to his work, knowing he had to get things done without any more distractions. Unfortunately, his kids had a mind of their own.</p><p>Kyu wandered in after a little bit, breaking Juyeon’s concentration again.</p><p>“What is it?” Juyeon asked, trying to keep the exasperation out of his voice.</p><p>“I want daddy.” Kyu tried to climb onto his lap.</p><p>“Fine…” Juyeon let him sit on his lap while he worked, too focused to fight it.</p><p>The other boys must have started another episode because they were quiet for a while. Kyu sat nicely on Juyeon’s lap, playing with his Bibi.</p><p>Soon it was time for lunch and Juyeon felt like he had accomplished enough to make him feel more relaxed.</p><p>“Daddy…” Sunwoo ignored his food at the table.</p><p>“Yes honey.” Juyeon had more time to address him.</p><p>“You forgot about mine.” Sunwoo held out his picture he had drawn earlier.</p><p>Juyeon glanced at the refrigerator and realized he had failed to add it with the others.</p><p>“Oh, I’m sorry!” he quickly took it and stuck it on with a magnet. “There! It looks so pretty!”</p><p>Sunwoo didn’t look at the drawing. He just stared up at Juyeon with an expression he couldn’t place.</p><p>“Why are you looking at me like that?” Juyeon said teasingly, pinching his cheeks.</p><p>“Can you hold me?” Sunwoo asked, holding his arms up.</p><p>“You have to eat lunch first.” Juyeon steered him towards the table.</p><p>He sat Sunwoo down at the table and went back to his work. It wasn’t much of a surprise when Sunwoo trailed after him, with how clingy he had been.</p><p>“What’s up honey?” Juyeon asked.</p><p>Sunwoo suddenly wrapped his arms around Juyeon’s leg and buried his face against his thigh. Juyeon knew something was up. He gathered Sunwoo into his arms instead.</p><p>Sunwoo wrapped his arms tightly around Juyeon, not saying a word.</p><p>“What’s going on baby?” Juyeon rubbed his back gently and breathed in his sweet, kid shampoo smell.</p><p>Sunwoo didn’t respond, just holding on a little tighter. Juyeon let him have his time.</p><p>When he felt Sunwoo start to cry, he got a little worried. He cried like he was holding it in and that was the worst kind of cry for a child to have.</p><p>Juyeon carried him upstairs, sitting on his bed for privacy.</p><p>“Can you talk to me?” Juyeon asked after a little while.</p><p>Sunwoo sniffled into his sweater, the fabric damp by then.</p><p>“You’re making me worried honey.” Juyeon gently guided him so he could see his face. He brushed back Sunwoo’s hair and wiped his tears tenderly. “What made you so sad?”</p><p>“Do you not love me anymore?”</p><p>Juyeon was completely taken aback by his question. He just stared at him for a moment.</p><p>“Why would you ask me that?” he replied.</p><p>“B-Because you don’t hold me anymore.” Sunwoo took in a gasping breath, more tears spilling over.</p><p>“I just held you though.” Juyeon tucked his soft hair behind his ears. “What do you mean?”</p><p>“You don’t love me anymore because you love them more.” Sunwoo whined, pressing his balled-up hands against his eyes.</p><p> “Oh no!” Juyeon pulled his hands away. “I love you just the same!”</p><p>“Why don’t you play with me anymore?” Sunwoo asked tearfully.</p><p>“Baby… I’m so busy.” Juyeon tried to explain. “It’s not because I don’t want to!”</p><p>“You never read me bedtime story because you’re busy…” Sunwoo replied.</p><p>“I know. I should have taken time to read to you.” Juyeon nodded, his heart squeezing guiltily.</p><p>“Why don’t we have octopus anymore?” Sunwoo asked. “Or go get slushies…”</p><p>Juyeon recognized that Sunwoo was missing things they used to do together.</p><p>“I’m sorry Sunwoo… I didn’t know you wanted those things.” Juyeon dragged his thumb under his eye.</p><p>“You cuddle Kyu and not me.” Sunwoo pointed to himself mournfully.</p><p>“Oh baby-.” Juyeon pulled him into a hug, feeling absolutely awful.</p><p>He had been neglecting Sunwoo without even thinking about it. He had so many responsibilities and three other small children to take over. He tended to give more attention to the other kids because Sunwoo was so content most of the time.</p><p>He suddenly was able to remember all the times he turned Sunwoo down from playing recently, or forgot to acknowledge his work.</p><p>“You’re my good little boy.” Juyeon pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I forgot you wanted cuddles too because you are so good to let me help your brothers.”</p><p>“I want you to hold my hand like Kyu.” Sunwoo sniffled.</p><p>“I will, I promise I will.” Juyeon wanted to cry at Sunwoo’s heartbroken admission and his pure motives. He just wanted to be loved and Juyeon had made the mistake of passing over him.</p><p>“I love you so so much. The mostest in the whole world!” Juyeon promised him. “I’m so sorry you were feeling sad. I didn’t mean it honey!”</p><p>“It’s okay.” Sunwoo murmured, like the sweet boy he was. “Can you hold me longer?”</p><p>“Of course!” Juyeon tucked his head against his chest and wrapped his arms comfortingly around the little boy. He had fallen victim to being the middle child and Juyeon beat himself up about it a little. He swore to himself that Sunwoo would never feel that way again.</p><p>When Sangyeon got home, Juyeon was feeling down on himself. He was thinking back on things the past few weeks.</p><p>“I’m sorry I’m home a bit late.” Sangyeon accepted his plate of food from Juyeon.</p><p>“It’s fine.” Juyeon replied softly.</p><p>“Everything okay?” Sangyeon asked, pausing before he went to the table.</p><p>“Yeah, we’re fine.” Juyeon nodded.</p><p>Sangyeon smiled, probably thinking Juyeon was just tired.</p><p>“Well, I relieve you of your duties. I’ll get the kids into bed too.” Sangyeon told him.</p><p>Juyeon stood in the kitchen, listening to the boys chatter on about their days to Sangyeon.</p><p>He went to his study and sat down. Two things were swirling in his mind. Firstly, he wanted to make sure he was especially loving to Sunwoo to make up for the times he had been brushed aside. Secondly, he remembered when he had spent time with Kyu and Younghoon. It had given him an idea. He was determined to come up with ways to make Christmas special. He wanted to make up for the time Kyu and Younghoon had lost.</p><p>He didn’t realize it was very late until Sangyeon knocked on his door. The house was quiet now that the kids were asleep.</p><p>“You’re working hard.” Sangyeon commented. “Was it hard to manage with the kids today?”</p><p>“Oh no, I’m not behind.” Juyeon shook his head. “I was just thinking… Kyu and Younghoon reminded me of something when you took the other two boys out.”</p><p>“What’s that?” Sangyeon leaned against the desk.</p><p>“They’ve never gotten to have a Christmas, like a real Christmas.” Juyeon told him. “I don’t think any of the boys have really. Except Sunwoo with me last year.”</p><p>“You’re right.” Sangyeon pondered it. “I remember Chanhee being a little confused about Christmas day itself. He didn’t understand that we celebrated together.”</p><p>“Let’s do something really special.” Juyeon urged him. “I want them to have a really memorable Christmas.”</p><p>“Well how extravagant are you thinking?” Sangyeon laughed. “Are we going to spoil them with something big? We will need to budget things out.”</p><p>“I was actually thinking the opposite.” Juyeon corrected him. “The most important thing is getting to spend time with family. It’s what they really missed the most.”</p><p>Sangyeon nodded his agreement.</p><p>“Doing something small is just fine as long as we’re together.” Juyeon said. “I just want them to feel loved.”</p><p>“Yeah, that’s manageable.” Sangyeon grinned. “All of the holiday activities we do can be done together. I was going to ask you if you wanted a live tree? We could go pick one out, the six of us.”</p><p>“I think that’s a great idea!” Juyeon replied enthusiastically. “I think the boys will love it.”</p><p>“Okay, let’s go on the weekend when I don’t have work.” Sangyeon decided. “We’ll decorate then too.”</p><p>Juyeon nodded, staring off into space.</p><p>“I think… you have been spending far too much time in that head of yours.” Sangyeon tapped his forehead. “It’s time to rest.”</p><p>Juyeon let Sangyeon drag him up and send him to bed. Christmas was approaching soon which meant there was a lot to do.</p><p>First, they got the tree which was a big ordeal but everyone returned home with their limbs intact. The boys were so excited to decorate it. Juyeon and Sangyeon didn’t have many ornaments themselves, so they bought some new and got some from their parents.</p><p>“Having trouble?” Juyeon sat next to Sunwoo who was unwinding a tangle of Christmas lights.</p><p>“Who put it in a knot?” he asked, thoroughly confused.</p><p>“I don’t really know how they end up like that.” Juyeon admitted. “Want some help?”</p><p>“Yes please.” Sunwoo handed him one end so they could sort it out together.</p><p>“I saw houses that put lights on the outside.” Sunwoo told him. “Some people have colored ones, or blowup reindeers.”</p><p>“Do you think that would be fun?” Juyeon considered what he had said.</p><p>“Yes! I want the outside of our house to be pretty too.” Sunwoo replied.</p><p>Juyeon tucked that information away to bring up to Sangyeon.</p><p>The next weekend, they unboxed new lights that Sangyeon had bought on his way home from work and put them up outside. Juyeon and Sangyeon took turns using the ladder and hooking them to the roof.</p><p>Juyeon was not looking forward to taking them down when Christmas was over, but the boys loved them. It was worth it he decided.</p><p>Christmas came much sooner than they expected, even with the boy’s countdown calendar quickly dwindling. Soon it was Christmas Eve and Juyeon and Sangyeon didn’t feel prepared.</p><p>“I’m going to hit a few stores on Main Street and then I’m done.” Juyeon whispered to Sangyeon as he pulled his coat on. “I’ll be fast so you can finish your list as well.”</p><p>They hadn’t meant to wait until the last minute, but now they were rushing around to finish shopping. They took turns so someone was at home with the boys while the other went shopping.</p><p>Luckily, Juyeon was done quickly and came home so Sangyeon could do the same.</p><p>“Where did you go?” Sunwoo narrowed his eyes when Juyeon came in. He had hidden his gifts in the garage until the kids were asleep.</p><p>“Um, I made sure we had cinnamon rolls and cider for the morning.” Juyeon said.</p><p>It was the truth. He held the items up and then fit them in the fridge.</p><p>“Time to make cookies?” Kyu ran into the kitchen, his eyes hopeful.</p><p>“Yep!” Juyeon smiled and rumpled his hair.</p><p>All four of the boys sat at the table with all kinds of decorations for their cookies as well as frosting and of course napkins for spills. Juyeon placed parchment paper down in front of each of them and laid out cookie cutters his mom had lent him.</p><p>Juyeon gave each of them a lump of sugar cookie dough from a store-bought container because not everything during the holidays needed to be extra work.</p><p>It made his heart incredibly happy to sit with his boys and watch them create their own cookies as they liked. He put the cookies them cut out in the oven and they dipped their fingers into the decorations while waiting for them to bake.</p><p>Once they were done, each of them decorated in their own way. Juyeon found it entertaining to watch how each of their cookies matched their personalities so well.</p><p>Chanhee’s was very eccentric, with multiple frosting colors and every decoration all on one cookie. Sunwoo’s was similar but he had a theme for each one. Younghoon was very minimalist and was so precise that he decorated one cookie in the time Sunwoo made three. Kyu attempted to decorate with a pattern in mind but he kept messing up and abandoning his design until he had three half completed cookies.</p><p>He gave up after a bit and sat in his chair, eating a plain cookie.</p><p>“You cutie!” Juyeon gave him a hug and a little eskimo kiss as he collected Kyu’s cookies and put them on a plate.</p><p>“Do you like mine?” Chanhee held up his cookie for approval.</p><p>“It’s very unique!” Juyeon smiled and praised him. “I like it a lot!”</p><p>Chanhee beamed and went back to adding more sprinkles.</p><p>Sangyeon came home as they were finishing up.</p><p>“Wow, I didn’t know you were all such wonderful cookie designers!” he said as he looked at all of their designs.</p><p>“I want you to have this one daddy!” Sunwoo held out a cookie he had set aside after working especially hard on it.</p><p>“Thank you!” Sangyeon accepted it gratefully. “I love it!”</p><p>Chanhee and Younghoon also offered up a cookie to Sangyeon. Kyu looked around for one of his cookies but Juyeon had already set them aside on a plate. He extended his half-eaten cookie to Sangyeon innocently. It drew a laugh from him and he tapped Kyu’s nose over how adorable he was.</p><p>“Alright, time for bed.” Juyeon announced as he began to clean up the impressive mess left behind.</p><p>“I’ll do it.” Sangyeon tried to stop him.</p><p>“No. You read them a story.” Juyeon smiled. “Younghoon has been waiting for it.”</p><p>“Join us soon.” Sangyeon squeezed his arm once before heading upstairs.</p><p>Once everything was clean, Juyeon went upstairs and slipped into bed with Kyu and Younghoon. The boys had decided to pair up and sleep two to a bed that night.</p><p>Juyeon pulled Younghoon closer to him and rested his chin on his head as Sangyeon read a Christmas story to them. He felt warm and cozy and at home there with his family all snuggled up together. It made his heart feel so full it could burst.</p><p>He reached over and pet down Kyu’s hair. He pressed a kiss to Younghoon’s head as well, the little boy heartily invested in Sangyeon’s story.</p><p>“In the morning will be Christmas?” Kyu asked as they turned the lights out.</p><p>“Yep.” Sangyeon nodded. “The quicker you fall asleep, the quicker it will be time.”</p><p>Sangyeon closed the door after Juyeon. They grinned at each other happily. They had presents to wrap.</p><p>They set up in the living room to wrap with a plate of regular cookies to munch on while they worked. Juyeon swore he couldn’t be happier than in that moment getting to prepare for a special Christmas with his boys.</p><p>They were woken up in the morning by the boys running in to wake them up. Juyeon was dragged out of bed by both Sunwoo and Chanhee. He got to see them squeal over the presents that had been separated into four little piles. They didn’t have much, but they had tried to go all out for the boys.</p><p>They did presents right away because the boys couldn’t wait. They were ecstatic over what they got, making Juyeon impossibly happier. The sweetest moment was when the boys got to exchange their own gifts, all handmade of course.</p><p>Once they were done, Sangyeon handed Juyeon a box.</p><p>“Ah! I didn’t get you anything!” Juyeon immediately felt bad. He had been so focused on the boys. Sangyeon hadn’t even asked him what he wanted.</p><p>“It’s okay.” Sangyeon waved it off. “This is a present for me too.”</p><p>“What could it be?” Juyeon played up the suspense for the boys.</p><p>“I will help you open it!” Chanhee helped him rip off the paper to reveal a plain looking box. Juyeon frowned, opening it curiously.</p><p>“What is it?” Sunwoo looked at the two pieces of paper inside the box.</p><p>“I’m not sure.” Juyeon lifted the paper and began to read over it.</p><p>When he realized what they were, his heart stopped. He pressed his other hand to his mouth, overwhelmed in an instant.</p><p>“They’re just copies.” Sangyeon told him. “The official ones are only if you wanted…”</p><p>Juyeon covered his eyes with one hand, leaning forward in an attempt to hide his tears.</p><p>“What’s wrong?” Sunwoo asked worriedly.</p><p>Juyeon had only felt so overwhelmed a few times. This time it meant the world to him. It was the greatest gift he could ever even imagine getting.</p><p>He felt Sangyeon gently set the box and papers aside. He slid his arms around Juyeon and pulled him into a hug.</p><p>“They’re already yours, but I wanted it to be official.” Sangyeon said softly.</p><p>Juyeon choked back a sob and separated with him enough to open his arm to Chanhee and Younghoon. They came closer and hugged him, a bit warily.</p><p>Juyeon kissed the tops of their heads and cuddled them close.</p><p>“Yes.” Juyeon told Sangyeon. “Yes, I want it to be official. I want them to be mine.”</p><p>He gathered the two boys closer into his arms. They were both oblivious to what was going on.</p><p>“Why are you crying…” Sunwoo asked, breaking the moment.</p><p>Juyeon pulled away and wiped at his tears, laughing instead.</p><p>“Juyeon.” Sangyeon reached out and touched his knee. “Would you adopt my boys?”</p><p>“Yes.” Juyeon nodded quickly. “Yes I will.”</p><p>Sangyeon beamed at him, so grateful he said yes.</p><p>“Sangyeon, I know I didn’t do anything official but… would you adopt my boys?” Juyeon asked in return.</p><p>Sangyeon’s chest hitched with a short breath and then he nodded solemnly.</p><p>“Yes. Yes I will."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>AHHHHH! Did you like it? I am sure people are confused as how adopting works in this case! This is based off of like super new examples where I live of friends being able to adopt a child together if they live together. I am not sure the legal process for adopting once they already are together, but for the sake of my story, it happens! I hope it touched your heart! </p><p>I am literally so sad to post this final chapter (for now)! If you wanted, let me know your favorite part of the series! Maybe a moment that touched you, or was funny, or made you want to give one of them a big hug! Or just tell me who your favorite character was! </p><p>You all are amazing! This story will be continued on Shelter which is already on chapter 6! Check in there to see our lovely families cross paths with the Stray Kids families! Stay safe everyone! Lots of love! -Soojin</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Quick background! I work part time as a teacher (since I am still in school) and specialize in teaching kiddos with disabilities, whether physical or mental. I work often with kids in foster care or adoptive homes. Since I started Junior High up until now! (I’m 19) I hope these stories can communicate some real knowledge and experience revolving around foster/adoptive relationships and various disabilities and disorders. I think it’s so important to be aware and educated on these things, and what better way to learn than through reading about these cuties! Hopefully it is a fun journey!</p><p>Sometimes placements can happen really fast! Also kids may not have time to pack a bag. Sometimes the kids will be sent bags of clothes, but it can be very hit or miss so that is why Juyeon goes shopping! Also it is normal for kids to be sad when they are first placed in a new home. Even if the home they were previously in was a bad scene, it’s all they know, so it can be hard. Let me know if you have any questions/comments! &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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